Hi, I have arranged a memory clinic appointment behind my mother's back which I feel ashamed of doing. My sister and my son all agree that mum may have dementia and I spoke to her gp last year who has referred mum to memory clinic. I had a phone call today from the memory clinic nurse and have an appointment next week. My problem is how do I tell her that this is what we are going to and why. I have been told that the process lasts 2 hours. I know she will not tolerate this. Sorry for rambling post but I am so worried for her.
Mums memory clinic appointment
- Thread starter Houndy
- Start date
Is she aware that she may have a problem?
You could tell her that it is just an extra check up that's being offered to a lot of retirees or that the person is doing some work to help them better understand how the brain of an older person works and needs the help of people like her. With a little encouragement like it'll be interesting and we can go out for a meal/get a cream cake/do something she particularly likes afterwards.
My experience of the memory clinic with both my husband and a friend and talking to others that it often doesn't take nearly that long. It might be an idea to contact the clinic in advance so they know the reasons you feel she will not tolerate that amount of time. It could also help if they are aware of any story bribe you are going to use to get her there, they can then try to avoid anything that would make her suspicious.
You could tell her that it is just an extra check up that's being offered to a lot of retirees or that the person is doing some work to help them better understand how the brain of an older person works and needs the help of people like her. With a little encouragement like it'll be interesting and we can go out for a meal/get a cream cake/do something she particularly likes afterwards.
My experience of the memory clinic with both my husband and a friend and talking to others that it often doesn't take nearly that long. It might be an idea to contact the clinic in advance so they know the reasons you feel she will not tolerate that amount of time. It could also help if they are aware of any story bribe you are going to use to get her there, they can then try to avoid anything that would make her suspicious.
Hi @Houndy welcome to the forum.
I didn't have this problem with my dad as he knew he had dementia and was keen to find out how bad it was. He was still very high functioning at the time but had problems with spacial awareness and getting lost which his amazing go picked up on. Later though I used to tell Dad whatever I thought he would find acceptable to get him to appointments.
I don't remember dad's memory clinic tests taking 2 hours. The nurse who conducted them was very nice and dad rather enjoyed himself so it may not be as bad as you imagine.
I didn't have this problem with my dad as he knew he had dementia and was keen to find out how bad it was. He was still very high functioning at the time but had problems with spacial awareness and getting lost which his amazing go picked up on. Later though I used to tell Dad whatever I thought he would find acceptable to get him to appointments.
I don't remember dad's memory clinic tests taking 2 hours. The nurse who conducted them was very nice and dad rather enjoyed himself so it may not be as bad as you imagine.
I can totally relate to your feelings of guilt and the struggles of informing someone of their memory assessment. My mum has been in denial all along . It's different for everyone, though- she's now 100, was showing signs of memory loss and confusion 3 years ago and I had then asked the GP to write to tell mum she was due for a general check-up. They wrote that she hadn't been seen at the surgery for ages- the GP went along with this but she refused the full assessment.
A support worker from Alzheimers Society came to my rescue 7 months ago. ( I'd phoned the helpline in my area ). I was encouraged to keep writing updates for the Memorory Assesssment Service. The MAS don't reply to emails but I wanted it all to be on record. You can phone them too. Everything I wrote was taken note of for the actual Assessment. I also shared my concerns with mum's GP as POA. Before the big day, I explained to her it was a well-being assessment, about her memory, in case anything ever happened to me we would have a future plan in place for her .Things can get to be more tiring / complicated, as we get older and to feel secure in the knowledge that there was a GP record if, god forbid, she or I become hospitalized or ill in the future. I tried to play it down. She said she didn't want to think about the future., but agreed to a phone call from the MAS and politely accepted their offer.
I said the assessment was to make sure people had the best possible quality of life and remain independent for as long as possible. This went down ok, but may not do for everyone. I also said that the GP had asked for this assessment( true) and it was to find out the cause of the memory loss ( true) . Good luck with your journey!
I went round the day before phone call and wrote 'fish & chips' in her diary for that evening and wrote Phone call 1pm NHS. I showed her the NHS logo which gave some respectablity to my cause! She was very polite to them - they said her doctor had thought it a good idea etc, talked about her wellbeing and she agreed to have the home visit . Weeks after this the appointment letter for her assessment was sent to me and to her. I hid her appointment letter as by chance, I was there when it arrived. Showed it to her two days before the assessment so as not to give her time to read it endlessly and get more stressed. When she did see the letter, she showed fear, more denial , mentioned 'test' and said she would fail. Reassured her that there was no pass or fail etc and focussed on another nice meal for the evening and suggested an early night. On the big day she had her make up and beads on, completely compliant with the MAS clinician and said to me she just wanted to get it over with. None of her answers to q's were 'true' but would have been true 20 or more years ago. She talked about all the things she enjoyed, hobbies , the cooking she did in the past as if it were today. I was so pleased I'd written to the Memory Team. She did all the formal aspects of the test - In all it was about 45 minutes. A month later ( last week) was the feedback session. Still in denial of dementia - diagnosis Altzheimers and undecided if she will take the medication offered. I'm feeling supported but unlikely mum will agree to a support worker after the initial visit. She would hate meeting up with other dementia sufferers. Am again going to explain all this to the MAS so the person who sees her just offers help and advice, avoiding referring to support!
I found Oliver James, Contented Dementia book useful as well as the Compassionate Communication for the Memory Impaired sheet. recommended by others on here.
Do give yourself a pat on the back when you tell a little porky, as you have helped your loved one to cope better in that moment!
It sounds like you have got "porkies" (aka love lies) down to a T @AnneP
Heres the link to Compassionate Communication that you mentioned
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Heres the link to Compassionate Communication that you mentioned
Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired
The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
