Mum with EOD - Sandwich carer

[Mrscjdawson]

Hi all,

Thought I would reach out and see if anyone is in a similar situation as recently I’ve been feeling like a bit of an island. Caught somewhere between grieving for a disappearing Mum, supporting her in addition to my own little family and the general chaos of every day life.

I don’t know how to channel the sadness as each day I can see her slipping away (mentally) even more. She was only aged 58 at the point of diagnosis in January this year.

 

[sue31]

Hi all,

Thought I would reach out and see if anyone is in a similar situation as recently I’ve been feeling like a bit of an island. Caught somewhere between grieving for a disappearing Mum, supporting her in addition to my own little family and the general chaos of every day life.

I don’t know how to channel the sadness as each day I can see her slipping away (mentally) even more. She was only aged 58 at the point of diagnosis in January this year.

Omg! That’s so young to start this journey.
Please do contact your local Admiral nurses to get some additional support for yourself. Just Google them & request a call back on the website.
I’m sure lots of younger more informed members will be along soon to offer advice.
Do accept any help that’s offered for your mum & yourself, this decease is emotionally exhausting for the family.

 

[Liiz]

Oh my @Mrscjdawson. I've come on here today feeling totally overwhelmed, lost, constantly tearful - if anyone asks me how I am, I cry.

I am a sandwich carer too.

Children aged 4 - 7, I work full time, and now a part-time carer for mum with Alzheimer's, diagnosed Dec 22. Also carer for dad who is limited mobility, type 1 diabetes and multiple strokes

There is such little help! Everywhere I turn it's fill out that form, call this number, book this appointment, chase this medication, go through 500+ care agencies, befriending services, companions, effectively run two houses. To then have to be around for the introduction to carers/befrienders to break the ice before going forward etc. Planning for the future, viewing care homes. Honestly the list goes on and on. It is not possible.

There is very little support for us people here in the middle. I can't claim carers allowance as I would have to give up my business. So instead I do all of this unpaid. Get up at 5 everyday to work, go to bed at 11 because I'm working around the kids/parents .

Today after 17 months in I have broken.

I can't do it anymore. I am irritable with my kids, I am behind with work, my house - where do I even start.

But then the guilt. The guilt of not being able to do more. The guilt of giving up. Guilt for my parents, guilt for my children, guilt for my business, guilt for my husband - putting up with my awful presence at the moment. I wouldn't want to live with me, that's for sure.

Why isn't there more support?!!. I don't get it. Most sandwich carers are of working age - and we're all burning out.

Xx

 

[SherwoodSue]

My heart breaks. My carer journey meant I had to retire early. Cannot even imagine how you do work and young children on top. Do take care xxxx

 

[sue31]

Oh my @Mrscjdawson. I've come on here today feeling totally overwhelmed, lost, constantly tearful - if anyone asks me how I am, I cry.

I am a sandwich carer too.

Children aged 4 - 7, I work full time, and now a part-time carer for mum with Alzheimer's, diagnosed Dec 22. Also carer for dad who is limited mobility, type 1 diabetes and multiple strokes

There is such little help! Everywhere I turn it's fill out that form, call this number, book this appointment, chase this medication, go through 500+ care agencies, befriending services, companions, effectively run two houses. To then have to be around for the introduction to carers/befrienders to break the ice before going forward etc. Planning for the future, viewing care homes. Honestly the list goes on and on. It is not possible.

There is very little support for us people here in the middle. I can't claim carers allowance as I would have to give up my business. So instead I do all of this unpaid. Get up at 5 everyday to work, go to bed at 11 because I'm working around the kids/parents .

Today after 17 months in I have broken.

I can't do it anymore. I am irritable with my kids, I am behind with work, my house - where do I even start.

But then the guilt. The guilt of not being able to do more. The guilt of giving up. Guilt for my parents, guilt for my children, guilt for my business, guilt for my husband - putting up with my awful presence at the moment. I wouldn't want to live with me, that's for sure.

Why isn't there more support?!!. I don't get it. Most sandwich carers are of working age - and we're all burning out.

Xx

I’m so sorry reading this - it’s hard to know what to answer you with.
Have you tried contacting their local adult social services & saying there’s 2 vulnerable adults that you can no longer care for?
I know it’s the last thing you want to do, none of us here do but everyone of us has a breaking point.
You do need to take a step back, let ‘the system’ help you more. If you continue to nigh on kill your self coping tbey will let you do it.
They don’t care until you step away - it’s then down to the local authority to follow their duty of care procedure.
They will assess and put in place the care they need. Nothing stopping you overseeing it though to make sure you & they are happy.
It’s a bitter pill, & very hard to do but there is help - if you step away.