Mum with DOLS in care home

[Jules57]

Good evening
My mum who is 86, has middle stage dementia and unfortunately had been placed into full time care in a home since my father had a illness and couldn't cope any more, even with carers coming into the home .
Now Dad is so sad he wants mum home again, but mum has a dols on her and I am not sure he can bring her home??? Thanks any advice be gratefully received

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

The DoLS is in place so that the home can stop your mum leaving. Without it, if she demanded to go out they would have to let her. All care homes with locked doors have to have a DoLS in place for each resident.

As to whether your father could take her home, I think it's more a question of 'should he?' rather than 'could he?' He couldn't cope before, even with carers so why does he think he would be able to cope now? Please try to persuade him it's not in anyone's best interests and may well make him ill again.

But if social services have deemed your mum needs to be in care because she needed more help than was possible at home, your father would have to prove that he WAS able to cope and that seems unlikely. Presumably your mum needs round-the-clock care - how could he provide that?

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

The DoLS is in place so that the home can stop your mum leaving. Without it, if she demanded to go out they would have to let her. All care homes with locked doors have to have a DoLS in place for each resident.

As to whether your father could take her home, I think it's more a question of 'should he?' rather than 'could he?' He couldn't cope before, even with carers so why does he think he would be able to cope now? Please try to persuade him it's not in anyone's best interests and may well make him ill again.

But if social services have deemed your mum needs to be in care because she needed more help than was possible at home, your father would have to prove that he WAS able to cope and that seems unlikely. Presumably your mum needs round-the-clock care - how could he provide that?

I totally agree. @Jules57 please don't let you heart rule your head, you may struggle to get your mum readmitted to care.

 

[333pjb]

Hi,

The torment of elderly partners, feeling guilt that they have broken the unwritten promise that they would "look after each other”. Maybe this is causing the issue for your father, and to some extent clouding his reality of the practicalities. The only suggestion I could make is if on visits to see your mum/his wife you point out the care she is receiving and how she is being well looked after, and “doing well”. Hopefully this will ease the guilt.

The DoLS is a legal mechanism to ensure liberty laws are complied with, nothing more.

It is social services which would have influence over your mother’s care plan and if this could be accommodated anywhere other than a professional home. If you even ventured to look at changing this you would need to be heavily involved (and other siblings) before the social worker would consider any changes were significant enough. The “moving mum and dad in with us” scenario, and I don’t think you are suggesting that? If your dad is mobile enough maybe additional visits could help. We were surprised when our home said it was perfectly possible to take Dad out for the day, maybe this would be possible for your mum, and she could have a visit home?

 

[Kevinl]

I have been under a Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards, back at home alone now, I've also been sectioned both 2 and 3.
In my case it was for a viral brain infection, prior to that and I've been on the site caring for both my wife with early onset AZ and mum with an MCI both at the same time.
As has been said a DoLS is just a legal way of keeping someone in a place they may express a desire to leave.
Unlike a section 3 it doesn't come with the entitlement to free aftercare (Section 117 funding) which I get if I wanted to. K