Mum with dementia Esta ranged from family

[Sarahp1107]

Hi I’m Sarah. I have a mum who is 82 who has an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. She has lived with her partner for 30 yrs and he has been included and accepted in all family activities, conversations. Last year mum became immobile and bed bound and as a result myself and brother intervened to have her admitted to hospital which resulted in her having rehabilitation at a local nursing home.
The difference in her in just 24 hours was quite astounding. She could drink her own tea from a chi a cup, sit up in a chair and progressed radically. Her partner had been feeding her and giving her tea from a beaker.
It came to light at this time that her partner was increasingly difficult specifically in hiding mums financial affairs and care. As a family we tried to discuss future for mum to be independent as long as possible.
Unfortunately her partners plans, lies to social services etc has had us completely cut off from any input into mums well-being. He has refused hospital appointments, she has had nasty falls with bruising unreported. He has her believing that we are bad people after her money and of course she is dependent on him for her memory.
It seems there is no protection for her in this scenario. Social services do not want to know as they deemed her to have “capacity”. However if she was asked where her electricity is paid, where her bank card is for example she would not be able to say.
We are unable to visit mum without him being there, he controls every aspect of her life and recently it has come to light that he intends to marry her.
It is a very sad end of life for us to not be able to share with mum.
Anyone with any advice, please comment. We have no voice at all in this situation.

 

[canary]

I think it is always very difficult when dealing with second relationships and dementia.

Did you find out from the hospital why she suddenly lost mobility? Did she have a UTI, or a TIA, for instance?

People with dementia become very suspicious of their nearest and dearest and hurtful accusations are, unfortunately, par for the course

Unfortunately her partners plans, lies to social services etc has had us completely cut off from any input into mums well-being. He has refused hospital appointments, she has had nasty falls with bruising unreported. He has her believing that we are bad people after her money and of course she is dependent on him for her memory.

How do you know these things? Did your mum tell you about them?
Thinking that your family are bad people who are after your money is absolute classic dementia delusion - it is so common it is almost diagnostic.