Hi all, Am new to this forum. My mum has dementia and is still at home with Dad. We've had issues with the house smelling and have isolated and kind of got the smells associated with mum semi-undercontrol - helping her shower, sneakily doing her laundry and housecleaning etc becausee she doesn't like us (her daughters) interfering. We've had her checked out and she is not incontinent. But her dog which is old but seemingly doing ok - wees everywhere and has hideous stinky drool. Dad says the vet says not much we can do cos he's old - exploratory surgery too expensive. The difference in Mum is that she doesn't care - definitely can't smell it any more. She lets the dog sit on the sofa all day - it stinks, she lets him sit/sleep on her bed, the dog just wees anywhere and my Dad sometimes notices and just gets a wet mop and very quickly mops it but not with any disinfectant - Dad just seems to turn his back on things at the moment - another issue. Mum seems to think it's fine to have the dog's food just straight on the floor - no bowl - the wet food - so constant smell of that too. For a while we thought oh the dog will die soon but he hasn't. I'm now being the pushy one in the family for change - as in a new sofa, bed/bedding (cheapish and then keep them covered to protect from the dog) - because if we don't change things the dog may live for another 6 months and that's 6 months of mum's life where we can't invite friends and family round to visit (she loves visitors in small numbers), where my mum AND dad live in a stinky house, my little kids are only going to have a memory of my mum and her stinky house. I know mum is happy and safe and healthy(relatively) which is great. We have tried hospital strength room deoderisers, ammonia, bicarb soda. So my question???? If I go and change all these things it's probably going to upset her - but I know if the shoe was on the other foot - she would be horrified if I lived in a stinky house. It causes lots of stress in the family because we have best intentioned others commenting on the smell that is quite insensitive - as if we are letting her and Dad live like that by choice. Has anyone else had this type of issue?
Mum very attached to pet dog but dog smell in house horrendous
- Thread starter kellieoh
- Start date
Hello kellieoh I just wanted to give you a warm welcome to TP, I can understand your worries I wouldn't know what to do in your case either, i'm sorry i'm no help but I just wanted to tell you i read your post and I am sure there will be people along soon who can give you some advice, you have come to the right place for help and support,
Best wishes Jeany x
Best wishes Jeany x
the smell is upsetting you ..but the visitors know what to expect and your children will have other memories as well as the pong. I do think if they are happy and love their smelly old dog then a bit of damage limitation is all you can do ...and no , it won't be for ever.
I am somewhat biased as a dog lover and owner of a smelly old dog too!!!
I am somewhat biased as a dog lover and owner of a smelly old dog too!!!
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Take your dad out for a coffee somewhere on his own and discuss it with him, if you haven't already. The time to get new furniture is when the dog dies, not before, another six months isn't that long.
I don't like dogs much so I know what my choice would be, which just goes to show that we daughters shouldn't be allowed to make these decisions!!!
What I feel is most worth following up from what you have written is your poor dad who is turning his back on the problems.
I don't like dogs much so I know what my choice would be, which just goes to show that we daughters shouldn't be allowed to make these decisions!!!
What I feel is most worth following up from what you have written is your poor dad who is turning his back on the problems.
Hi,
I've been in your exact circumstances. Mum had stopped using the upstairs part of the house. Furball used it as his own bathroom. Even downstairs there were pee stains all over the place. The bed was very fragrant. Mum used to pull his food out of the can and mash it up with her fingers. No hand washing just moved on to the next task. In her younger day mum was known for her house proud standards so the stinky and dirty house was a real shock.
People who visited had been visitors for years and knew what to expect with the recent developements. They would dust down the chair they were going to sit on and carry on. It drove me batty.
Mum moved into sheltered housing and furball came home with me. He's a different dog. His problem was he was never taken/let out. Now that he has a secure outside area and dog flap he's a great wee thing.
I really don't think your kids will concentrate on the smells. I think id be more concerned about your dad's apathy. It could point to him being depressed.
Isabella
I've been in your exact circumstances. Mum had stopped using the upstairs part of the house. Furball used it as his own bathroom. Even downstairs there were pee stains all over the place. The bed was very fragrant. Mum used to pull his food out of the can and mash it up with her fingers. No hand washing just moved on to the next task. In her younger day mum was known for her house proud standards so the stinky and dirty house was a real shock.
People who visited had been visitors for years and knew what to expect with the recent developements. They would dust down the chair they were going to sit on and carry on. It drove me batty.
Mum moved into sheltered housing and furball came home with me. He's a different dog. His problem was he was never taken/let out. Now that he has a secure outside area and dog flap he's a great wee thing.
I really don't think your kids will concentrate on the smells. I think id be more concerned about your dad's apathy. It could point to him being depressed.
Isabella
I think if the dog brings your mum some comfort 24/7 then that in itself is a godsend. I once had to visit a house that had that doggy smell. It was uncomfortable so I do understand your dilemma but the couple were quite well to do, were not ill or old but had just lived with their dogs for many years and did not notice what everybody else did.
People that care about your mum would still like to visit and I am sure they will understand.
People that care about your mum would still like to visit and I am sure they will understand.
Hello and welcome to the forum.
I could write a book about dogs and dementia. Bottom line (after much soul-searching by me) is the dog loves Mum and Mum seriously adores the dog. Meddling with the dog triggers serious issues between Mum and I. Endless circular arguments because Mum cannot manage the dog, yet nothing will part them. Now we wee and poo the beastie ourselves, we clean all pees and poos that occur in the house (one just this morning as he doesn't like to go out into the cold and prefers the kitchen floor). We grin and bear it. And grinning does make it bearable.
As I see it, there are three issues. Dementia and dog training are incompatible. So where there is dementia you will find a dog at its worst. Fact and unchangeable (we have really really tried).
Then there are the benefits a dog brings to the person. Loving company, loyalty, comfort, partnership, no need to talk or explain, a dog just is. Perfect for Mum. Also she walks the dog = necessary exercise.
Finally there is a dog from a safety-hygiene perspective. Of course I can force this through, and then there will be no pee/poo/smells. However, the honest truth is dementia has done away with Mum's sense of smell - so she thinks we are lying about stink = yet more mistrust. Next however is dementia also brings with it a host of other hygiene issues. No washing up liquid in Mum's house as she tried to drink it (colourful just like juice)..... so all washing and cleaning done from ours. Mum in pull up pants, and incontinence looms.
The dog issue is complex. For instance today Mum is laid very low (son very ill in hospital). She is sitting on the chaise longue, watching Downton Abbey, but most importantly she is clutching the dog. She gets great comfort from him.
For smelly drool and bad breath, why not get a raw beef bone or two - removes the nasty smelly plaque. We do this once a week. Also there are dog chews, not nibbles, but tough chews that make the dog 'clean' his teeth by constant biting and chewing. This works and all three of our dogs can take a place in a dentist's ad for white teeth.
Good luck, I know how tough this is. Hugs BE
I could write a book about dogs and dementia. Bottom line (after much soul-searching by me) is the dog loves Mum and Mum seriously adores the dog. Meddling with the dog triggers serious issues between Mum and I. Endless circular arguments because Mum cannot manage the dog, yet nothing will part them. Now we wee and poo the beastie ourselves, we clean all pees and poos that occur in the house (one just this morning as he doesn't like to go out into the cold and prefers the kitchen floor). We grin and bear it. And grinning does make it bearable.
As I see it, there are three issues. Dementia and dog training are incompatible. So where there is dementia you will find a dog at its worst. Fact and unchangeable (we have really really tried).
Then there are the benefits a dog brings to the person. Loving company, loyalty, comfort, partnership, no need to talk or explain, a dog just is. Perfect for Mum. Also she walks the dog = necessary exercise.
Finally there is a dog from a safety-hygiene perspective. Of course I can force this through, and then there will be no pee/poo/smells. However, the honest truth is dementia has done away with Mum's sense of smell - so she thinks we are lying about stink = yet more mistrust. Next however is dementia also brings with it a host of other hygiene issues. No washing up liquid in Mum's house as she tried to drink it (colourful just like juice)..... so all washing and cleaning done from ours. Mum in pull up pants, and incontinence looms.
The dog issue is complex. For instance today Mum is laid very low (son very ill in hospital). She is sitting on the chaise longue, watching Downton Abbey, but most importantly she is clutching the dog. She gets great comfort from him.
For smelly drool and bad breath, why not get a raw beef bone or two - removes the nasty smelly plaque. We do this once a week. Also there are dog chews, not nibbles, but tough chews that make the dog 'clean' his teeth by constant biting and chewing. This works and all three of our dogs can take a place in a dentist's ad for white teeth.
Good luck, I know how tough this is. Hugs BE
The dog weeing everywhere suggests that either the dog is distressed, or is incontinent. If the dog has continence issues the vet can prescribe drops to be added to food which will help. Does the dog have long hair? If so, then getting it professionally groomed - bathed and clipped - will improve the smell a lot and be more comfortable for the dog as well. You can also get special "anti pet wee smell" carpet shampoo.
If your dad is too down in the dumps to deal with this, perhaps you could have a chat to him and then take the dog to the groomers etc.
If your dad is too down in the dumps to deal with this, perhaps you could have a chat to him and then take the dog to the groomers etc.
Our dog loved raw carrots and her teeth never needed cleaning, even at 14. The vet used to be surprised at how good her teeth were. She didn't like dog biscuits (or any biscuits come to that) and would hardly ever bother with a bone - she'd just bury it, and not necessarily in the garden. Hence call from daughter upstairs once: 'Mum, can you please ask your dog to stop burying her bones in my bed?'
Hi Kellieoh
Is it possible to take the dog to the vet yourself, or at least speak to one over the phone? Explain about your Mum's dementia and the problems with the smell from the dog. Find out exactly what the problem is with the dog ie: why does it need exploratory surgery, is that to do with the incontinence issues? And go on from there.
If the dog is drooling now and did not before it could have a problem in its mouth, maybe some decay, which would account for some of the smell. That can be sorted out, depending on what the vet says.
There is medication for some types of canine incontinence, again speak to the vet.
Take the dog to a grooming parlour if it is well enough, get him/her well clipped especially around the hind quarters.
Does the dog get let out frequently enough to spend a penny? Have a chat with your dad to find out.
It is possible to buy disposable dog incontinence sheets which you could put under a blanket/sheet where the dog lies regulary. They have a waterproof backing so prevent leaks.
Just some ideas, feel free to ignore.
I wish you all the best and hope things improve for all of you soon, and that life gets a little easier for your dad.
Dill
Is it possible to take the dog to the vet yourself, or at least speak to one over the phone? Explain about your Mum's dementia and the problems with the smell from the dog. Find out exactly what the problem is with the dog ie: why does it need exploratory surgery, is that to do with the incontinence issues? And go on from there.
If the dog is drooling now and did not before it could have a problem in its mouth, maybe some decay, which would account for some of the smell. That can be sorted out, depending on what the vet says.
There is medication for some types of canine incontinence, again speak to the vet.
Take the dog to a grooming parlour if it is well enough, get him/her well clipped especially around the hind quarters.
Does the dog get let out frequently enough to spend a penny? Have a chat with your dad to find out.
It is possible to buy disposable dog incontinence sheets which you could put under a blanket/sheet where the dog lies regulary. They have a waterproof backing so prevent leaks.
Just some ideas, feel free to ignore.
I wish you all the best and hope things improve for all of you soon, and that life gets a little easier for your dad.
Dill
As the former owner of an elderly dog, I'm inclined to question what your Dad says about the vet saying there's nothing that can be done for the dog because it's old. Can you not get the dog to the vet yourself for a thorough checkup, so you can be told direct by the vet exactly what's wrong with the dog?
Incontinence in the elderly dog can be treated and if it's drooling, maybe it has some sort of dental trouble? The vet is the person who can best advise on this; depending on what he says you can work out what's to be done about the dog, whether simply getting it some vetinary attention or if needs be rehoming if your Mum really can't look after it properly.
drooling and being incontinent don't naturally come with age for dogs...it may be this little fellow is ill and very uncomfortable if not in pain??? I do think a vet check would be kindest..if the dog is not taken out regularly or has no access to a garden then poor thing has no choice...
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OP I would say like others, if you replaced everything now, it would still stink in a week.
There are no preventative measures that you could take that couldn't be undone by your mum. People need to bring mats or throws to sit on when they visit, to eat food or drink there and wash the throws when they have left. That is the best I can offer sadly.
There are no preventative measures that you could take that couldn't be undone by your mum. People need to bring mats or throws to sit on when they visit, to eat food or drink there and wash the throws when they have left. That is the best I can offer sadly.
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We all learn in the dementia journey and sometimes what we encounter is not pleasant - out of our comfort zone. I for example had to clean up my mother yesterday after an 'accident', plus take home and wash soiled clothes and slippers -not nice but someone has to do it. The smell was horrendous and permiated around her flat but thank the Lord for disposable gloves
I usually buy lavender smelling room fragrances to dot around my mums flat which are ususally about £1. This helps my mums flat not smell like an 'old ladies residence'. However it is is me that is bothered and not her, but as she lives in sheltered housing but I am very concious that any odours do not 'travel' and give other residents cause to complain
As an animal lover I can understand your parents affection for their old dog. I would not waste money on new furniture whilst the dog is still alive. Could you/your children not take the dog for a short walk so that it relieves itself outside of the home?
I know this is not any easy situation and I hope you find a solution or some middle ground to help.
Best Wishes x
I usually buy lavender smelling room fragrances to dot around my mums flat which are ususally about £1. This helps my mums flat not smell like an 'old ladies residence'. However it is is me that is bothered and not her, but as she lives in sheltered housing but I am very concious that any odours do not 'travel' and give other residents cause to complain
As an animal lover I can understand your parents affection for their old dog. I would not waste money on new furniture whilst the dog is still alive. Could you/your children not take the dog for a short walk so that it relieves itself outside of the home?
I know this is not any easy situation and I hope you find a solution or some middle ground to help.
Best Wishes x
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Respectfully, your mum needs her pet far more than you need to be free of the pet smell. Don't even think about depriving her of her pet in her state. That could be very destructive to her in her condition. Remember, this is about what's best for your mum, not what's best or most comfortable for you.
Hire someone to walk the dog twice daily. A responsible teenager will do this for spending money. If your kids can walk a dog get them involved to help their Nan with this. It will be good for them to help out. It builds character, a sense of responsibility, and self-worth as a caring human being.
Visit your mum daily (you or another family member) and clean her house accordingly since she and grandad can't do it. Work on getting out that smell without getting rid of your mums dog. When siblings take turns it lessons the burden so enlist their help. Put a guilt trip on them if you have to. This is what families do, or at least should do. Don't worry, the burden won't last long. You won't have your mum long. Cherish your time with her and be greatful that you had an opportunity to "give back" for all the years she loved and sacrificed for you.
Good luck.
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