I have been caring for my mum since she was diagnosed with Alzheimers over 18 months ago. Her male friend of 10 years has been helping and between us we have managed to provide the love and affection she needs. I have my family some distance away from where mum lives and go home at weekends leaving mum's friend to look after her. They are both 78.
Lately, however there has been deterioration in her memory and mood and I seem to have lost her trust and affection as she becomes more reliant on her friend. This became more profound last week when I discussed the idea of residential care with him. He took exception to it and informed mum of what I had been discussing to my horror. A row ensued in front of mum that escalated and ended with mum leaving to stay at his house.
I managed to see her and apologise the next day before i returned home. When I left the row seemed to be a thing of the past. I spoke to her on the phone for the next three days and all seemed well but when i next asked to speak with her I heard her say she did not want to talk to me. This was confirmed by my Auntie later.
Having let the situation die down for a week and taking a weeks respite at home, I returned and spoke with mum. She was cold and unresponsive. She was shaking and said that she was scared...of me. She told my Auntie I had threatened her and she was afraid I might hit her. I spoke with her nurse who visited her and eventually got back to say she 'seems comfortable.' I have asked for a care assessment but as yet have had no response. Meanwhile I stay in my mum's empty house while mum stay's with her friend. I do not know what to do next.
PS. I posted part of this in another thread but hope it may be more appropriate in this one. Apologies to those who may be reading some of this for the second time
Lately, however there has been deterioration in her memory and mood and I seem to have lost her trust and affection as she becomes more reliant on her friend. This became more profound last week when I discussed the idea of residential care with him. He took exception to it and informed mum of what I had been discussing to my horror. A row ensued in front of mum that escalated and ended with mum leaving to stay at his house.
I managed to see her and apologise the next day before i returned home. When I left the row seemed to be a thing of the past. I spoke to her on the phone for the next three days and all seemed well but when i next asked to speak with her I heard her say she did not want to talk to me. This was confirmed by my Auntie later.
Having let the situation die down for a week and taking a weeks respite at home, I returned and spoke with mum. She was cold and unresponsive. She was shaking and said that she was scared...of me. She told my Auntie I had threatened her and she was afraid I might hit her. I spoke with her nurse who visited her and eventually got back to say she 'seems comfortable.' I have asked for a care assessment but as yet have had no response. Meanwhile I stay in my mum's empty house while mum stay's with her friend. I do not know what to do next.
PS. I posted part of this in another thread but hope it may be more appropriate in this one. Apologies to those who may be reading some of this for the second time
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