Mum now laying down most of the day and night

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Pinnochio, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    Hi,
    Mum, 85 and in the stages of advanced Alzheimers is now laying down pretty much all of the day and night, she doesn't really know any of us, can't remember how to lay on the bed, if she does get up, she then gets back by crawling up the end of the bed on all fours! She is refusing all personal care, won't get changed, however still uses the toilet so far! We are supposed to have a weeks respite next week for the first time, I can't see how we will get her to the care home for the week! We haven't had more than a weekend away in nearly 3 years as couldn't leave mum, so my sons and their wives looked after her for our 2 or 3 weekends away! We only received an assessment for help in December, so a carer comes in every morning supposedly to wash, change her, give her a cup of tea/weetabix, however in the 3 weeks since this started, they have managed to wash her twice!
    She lives in a self contained granny annexe adjoined to our house, I am constantly going in/out to see her and check everything is OK, another thing she keeps doing is to leave the tap running, a neighbour knocked the door the other night to say her water was running when she left the Close and still running on her return! She seems to be deteriorating quickly to me. Sorry for the waffling, I do find the Alzheimers has taken over my life almost! It is such a wicked disease!
     
  2. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Hello Welcome to TP.
    Sorry to hear about your mum.
    It sure is one horrible disease isn't it.
    My mum started taking to her bed too , I believe she felt safe as well as comfy when in bed .

    You are not waffling ,you're just saying how things are, which is one of the things TP is here for .
    I do hope you can get mum to respite place , maybe a little love lie as we call them here,
     
  3. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    Thank you, somehow it feels a little better to see most of us that have been through this or are travelling a similiar often same road! This morning I was told that mum lashed out, kicking and hitting the carer that came in, I need to stand back as I almost can't think she would do that! Anyway, I think she will have to be reassessed, she never would have hurt anyone before this!
     
  4. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    514
    #4 Pottingshed50, Feb 19, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2015
    Oh dear our Mum is about the same as yours but luckily she is in a residential care home and you can have a break from it all but you , honestly I really sympathise because really it is worse than looking after youngsters. In fact that is exactly what has happened Mum has become the child. I do hope you can get her into 24/7 care, how anyone is expected to care at home for someone with this disease is beyond me, I know many do and they have my complete admiration but at the end of the day it must take a toll on your family life.

    This lashing out is quite common from what I have been told , not so good if you are in the firing line each time. Our Mum has slapped , kicked, punched carers (my heart goes out to them they are angels) and tipped boiling tea over them. When I sincerely apologise I am told, oh it is all part of a days work. Where Mum is they have a canteen , one of two there, and there is a serving hatch from where the residents can ask for what they would like for their meals (those that are able that is). Our Mum the other day asked for some soup. It was duly brought to the table and then for no good reason our Mum hurled this bowl of soup back through the hatch. Of course I aksed oh dear what did you all do. They replied what we always do - duck. They have got such a good sense of humour. Something which when it is your own , I think you would find sometimes very hard to find.

    Keep in touch and have a word with your doctor. I am sure others on here will tell you how to start, I am sure we started with the doctor.
     
  5. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    Hi, Thank you

    You are right, she has become the child, only I can't pick her up and put her where I want too! Our GP thinks she needs to be in a care home, however the county council are digging their heels at at the moment, I am due for another assessment so will try and push it then.
     
  6. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    514
    Hi again

    Well you keep badgering , remember it is the sqeaky wheel that gets oiled.

    The way the local County Council view it is , they are not bothered it is not their problem 24/7. So you just make every noise you can. What would happen if you were not there for goodness sakes, what would they say then. It is always the same, as soon as they twig that these elderly folk have family, they then wash their hands of the problem - well they may well think like that , but we know different, it is their problem and they must sort it. If it was some waif and stray on the road they would certainly find the money to help so why not our elderly folk it seems.
     
  7. Pinnochio

    Pinnochio Registered User

    Dec 3, 2012
    16
    Hi

    Yes, mum could not live without us to look after her for sure, she can't even make a drink, she barely gets off her bed which we have now made up downstairs! Her morning carers can't do anything with her, she won't have a wash or let anyone do it for her! It is a dreadful situation, our Gp also knows that I have insulin dependant diabetes along with an Autoimmune Liver disease, so I think he would be considering my health also as I am sure stress makes things worse!
     

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