Mum moving to Nursing EMI home tomorrow - how to handle it?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by MissDiane, Dec 11, 2016.

  1. MissDiane

    MissDiane Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    I know there is no easy answer to this, but mum is having to move from her nice cosy dementia home that she likes to and EMI Nursing home tomorrow.

    When the new home did the assessment i explained to mum what was happening, and she became distressed, agitated, vocal and upset, oh and mad. Why did she have to leave? What had she done wroing? she said.

    I said nothing its because there will be more staff and nurses who can look after her. But the ranting continued.

    A few days later she has forgotton all about the move and i am having to move her at 10.30 tomorrow.

    I have no idea what to say to her. I don't want to lie but the minute i tell the truth then i have to deal with the consequences. Feeling sad.

    The new home has a good reputation but its much larger, less cosy and more like a nursing home. A lot more people who are much more poorly than mum.

    Mum has dementia with lewy bodies so will be lucid at times asking why she has to be with these people. But then at other times she can display mild challenging behaviour and is very vocal.
  2. Crunchy

    Crunchy Registered User

    Feb 21, 2016
    I had to move my father to an EMI home too, and absolutely dreaded it. When I went to pick him up he refused to leave and I got really upset, so the care home staff took over and cajoled him into coming out to the car with me. I just reassured him all the way that I was doing my best for him because I loved him, and he calmed down. When we arrived the staff made him feel so welcome, it became quickly apparent that they were much more used to dealing with residents with mental health issues than the staff in his residential home. He was actually so much better off there as the staff are trained in dementia and know how to deal with all forms of bizarre behaviour while still treating the residents as individuals. My dad hallucinated the most elaborate scenarios which unsettled everyone in his previous home, but he had crazy conversations with other similar residents in the EMI home and the staff had much more time for him. He seemed to forget about his previous care home almost immediately too. So try not to worry, hopefully the transition won't be nearly as traumatic as you fear xxx
  3. Hex

    Hex Registered User

    May 24, 2014
    Newcastle Upon Tyne
    What is EMI? My mum is presenting challenging behaviour. She is currently living independent with extra care. I know she will eventually need nursing but she is showing signs of aggressive behaviour. The care staff are lovely and we work towards keeping her independent for as long as we can. I think she has reached the stage where she will be better suited to a dedicated Alzheimer's orientated care environment . What did you do to instigate the process of the move. I know it would take at least three months for the transmission to take effect but my mum would probably forget instantly.

    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
  4. MissDiane

    MissDiane Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    Well i need not have worried. The actual move in itself went smoothly. Mum had had three good days of clear thinking and was in a happy mood when i picked her up under the false pretence of going for a drive. It was on the way there i had to start explaining the truth. That we were on the way to a new care home. She understood we didnt have a choice, that the home had given 7 days notice. She didn't know what she had done that was so wrong.

    She was sad that she had been forced to move somewhere she had never seen. Sad that everyone else looked so much more poorly than her. Sad that she had to be in nursing care because 'she felt fine' and she was actually presenting as fine.

    The home is less homely than her previous one. She said she liked where she was.

    I'm not sure we have made the right move but we were put in a corner and forced out. I will have to see how things go. It all seems very unfair. Wishing there was another option to being in care.
  5. Meppershall

    Meppershall Registered User

    Aug 16, 2016
    I hope that your mum settles in soon and you can relax in the knowledge that she is being cared for in the right environment. My dad has Lewy Bodies too and it can be hard to understand the disease as sometimes he appears as if there is nothing wrong with him, the staff at her new home will be much better prepared for any of your mum's 'off' days.

    Wishing you love and luck at this stressful time x
  6. Frederic H

    Frederic H Registered User

    Apr 1, 2015
    Hi there
    I was in similar situation.The care home said they could no longer cope with my wifes challenging behaviour so I had to look for some where else .Very difficult but found a nursing home and with fear and trepidation went to the new home to wait for her arrival.
    Surprising as it was she soon settled in although she is by far the most coherent person there ,but as the desease progresses sleep is the major part of the day but I hate visiting the place because I know it will break me up seeing her .I take photos of her to send to the children and I see it in her expression- a lost soul not in torment just totally detached from reality.
    People suggest taking photos. we look at how we were,it hardly registers with her but it just makes me curse this awful desease
    EMI elderly mental infirm.yes we tried homes with that and it made no difference they would not take her.
    My experience is that if you are looking for a place for someone who does nothing but sit and stare all day,you are fine.
    But any behaviour that presents a problem of any sort reduces your choices dramatically

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