My mum has been in a care home for nearly twelve months, before that she was in her own home with 24 hr carers for two years since being diagnosed with dementia. She has had an uti for three weeks now, which she has had antibitotics but not getting any better. Yesterday the doctor phoned to say she thinks she has had another stroke, as her speech is slurred. She now cant drink as it just comes straight out of her mouth so they are giving her jelly. She also has got very blue and cold arms and legs. The doctor said she needed to know if we wanted her to go in hospital to put on drip, or leave her in home . She is extremely poorly and we choose to leave her in her care home and get pallitive care there, i am worried whether we are doing right thing. She has no quality of life left in her, but this decision is hard for my sister and me.
mum in care home
- Thread starter mda90
- Start date
....of course it is hard. ...... but you really answered your own question. Mum has no quality of life left in her and she is not going to get better. In my mind it is far kinder to let her die peacefully, with normal sounds and smells around her, than to put her into a ward with bright lights lound sounds, bleeps, people disturbing her.
Yes it's hard to let go.....but it is harder to watch a person suffer and to know that the end is inevitible.
Tell her you love her. Tell her she can let go.....and let her go too.
Comfortable memories are much easier to bear than distressing ones....I've seen both types of passing with my parents and it hurts me much more to think of my Dad fighting every inch of the way to stay.
Be strong for each other.....but remember the happy times. Thinking of you..x.
I have to agree with Craigmaid. 8 weeks ago my husband was once more admitted to hospital and put onto oxygen. We had a wonderful Doctor there who stayed with us most of the day and we talked everything through. We decided that my husband was to return to his nursing home with no more treatment. The doctor arranged that the following morning the local hospice would join the nursing staff at the home to help both my husband and us as a family.
He left the hospital at 11pm, our daughter and granddaughter, washed and changed him and made him comfortable. The nurse was happy for them to do this. We sat quietly with him with dimmed lighting and just over two hours later he passed peacefully away. He was where he felt comfortable, he had his family around him and staff who knew him coming in quietly to say goodbye. It could not have been any better and a hospital ward would not have been the place for him to go. So if you have a choice and are happy it is the right one it is more than fine to keep her in the home. I will never regret bringing my husband back to the home.
After my husband passed away again he had his familiar carers carrying out what was necessary and they talked to him as they were doing it.
He left the hospital at 11pm, our daughter and granddaughter, washed and changed him and made him comfortable. The nurse was happy for them to do this. We sat quietly with him with dimmed lighting and just over two hours later he passed peacefully away. He was where he felt comfortable, he had his family around him and staff who knew him coming in quietly to say goodbye. It could not have been any better and a hospital ward would not have been the place for him to go. So if you have a choice and are happy it is the right one it is more than fine to keep her in the home. I will never regret bringing my husband back to the home.
After my husband passed away again he had his familiar carers carrying out what was necessary and they talked to him as they were doing it.
