Mum has Alzhemer's Dementia recently gone into residential

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Zuola, Mar 31, 2015.

  1. Zuola

    Zuola Registered User

    Mar 31, 2015
    2
    Hi
    I have just registered for this site. My Father was the main carer for Mum, and he has become very ill. He weighs 7 stone and has COPD (airways disease) My parents sold their house, and have moved to a retirement flat just outside of Bristol. They have lived in the flat for 6 months, and Mum's dementia has become a lot worse. My Father simply could not manage, he has carers three times a day, and they were looking after Mum as well. However, Mum was making a lot of fuss regarding carers, and was accusing my 86 yr old Father of having an affair. Mum has recently gone into a residential home, and I am having a really difficult time accepting this. I am constantly trying to devise a way to look after her. My family and I have tried this, but found it a really difficult task, as she was keeping us awake at night. Mum was calling out for my Dad, and searching the bedrooms for him. It didn't matter how many times we explained, she still asked for my Dad. It's so sad and upsetting, and I'm feeling guilty and very emotional about her going into care. Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with this. She has a very short memory span, even forgets that she has eaten
     
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,300
    Female
    England
    #2 jaymor, Mar 31, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2015
    Hi and welcome goo TP.

    So sorry that both of your parents are ill and you are finding it difficult.

    Telling your Mum over and over again why she can't see your Dad was making life difficult for you and no help to your Mum. Her loss of short term memory means even on the 100th time of telling her she was hearing it for the first time and there is no way of changing that.

    Your Mum is where she should be. Being cared for 24 hours a day with company. There is no way you could cope with both parents being ill and your Mum's care is going to get heavier and more difficult. No one wants someone they love to go into care, we all think we should be doing it but unfortunately it can't be that way for everyone. You can still care for your Mum but it will be the nice side of caring, sitting having a cup of tea, chatting or reading with her, whatever you both want to do.

    Your Dad is benefiting from not having to care for your Mum and his health and wellbeing is as important as your Mum's. You are doing well, there is a limit for all of us and we have to know when we have reached it and accept the help we need. So please stop beating yourself up and take some time for yourself whilst keeping an eye on your Dad.

    Take care.
     
  3. Zuola

    Zuola Registered User

    Mar 31, 2015
    2
    Hi Jaymor
    Thank you for your reply. It has made me feel better to have someone listen to my concerns and worries. It's certainly a tough time for me right now, they are not only my parents, but also my friends. We have spent a lot of time together, days out, and in and out of each others houses. I can't quite get my head around it, quite a lonely feeling. I have two great children who have been a massive support to me. My Dad is benefiting, and informed me last night that I would not cope, and that I needed to accept that Mum needed to be in care. I know what you mean about sitting and the nice side of caring

    Thank you once again
     

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