Hi guys,
It's taken me two weeks to come onto this forum. I've been involved with the forums for most of mum's journey & my journey as her carer, hopefully helped some people & received advice too.
Mum lost her battle on the 7th nov, I was her carer (& proud to be) for four years & anyone who knows the steps of vascular dementia knows that isn't easy (but any pain I experienced was nothing to the fear & sadness she experienced every time she became aware of her limitations).
I haven't come onto the forum since her death & thought that I wouldn't be back, but the shock is wearing off & I realised that ive lost my best friend & a woman that used to call me 'Mum' which while it freaked other people just meant that she knew I would always look after her.
With dementia you grieve a lot while the person is still here, you grieve for who they once were, you grieve for your mum or your dad. But when you realise that there's not even the hope that you will see them smile again it is a different feeling. The good (or perhaps bad) thing is that all the horrible dementia memories are not erased, but you also remember who they once were.
For me I will remember a beautiful woman, who had a smile that made you feel the sun had come out, who also punched me in the face in A&E & went outside for 3 hours asking the neighbours to call the police because I was scary. The bottom line is that none of that matters now, she was still my mum & I was still the person who's hand she wouldnt let go of the day before she died. Dementia is a terrible illness for everyone involved, don't lose heart guys & to everyone who's said something nice when I've posted during this journey, thank you.
Dementia creates it's own hell for the sufferer, all a carer can do is support, help & love them anyway & when the journey ends that is what you feel proud of.
It's taken me two weeks to come onto this forum. I've been involved with the forums for most of mum's journey & my journey as her carer, hopefully helped some people & received advice too.
Mum lost her battle on the 7th nov, I was her carer (& proud to be) for four years & anyone who knows the steps of vascular dementia knows that isn't easy (but any pain I experienced was nothing to the fear & sadness she experienced every time she became aware of her limitations).
I haven't come onto the forum since her death & thought that I wouldn't be back, but the shock is wearing off & I realised that ive lost my best friend & a woman that used to call me 'Mum' which while it freaked other people just meant that she knew I would always look after her.
With dementia you grieve a lot while the person is still here, you grieve for who they once were, you grieve for your mum or your dad. But when you realise that there's not even the hope that you will see them smile again it is a different feeling. The good (or perhaps bad) thing is that all the horrible dementia memories are not erased, but you also remember who they once were.
For me I will remember a beautiful woman, who had a smile that made you feel the sun had come out, who also punched me in the face in A&E & went outside for 3 hours asking the neighbours to call the police because I was scary. The bottom line is that none of that matters now, she was still my mum & I was still the person who's hand she wouldnt let go of the day before she died. Dementia is a terrible illness for everyone involved, don't lose heart guys & to everyone who's said something nice when I've posted during this journey, thank you.
Dementia creates it's own hell for the sufferer, all a carer can do is support, help & love them anyway & when the journey ends that is what you feel proud of.
