mum died this week

ann60

Registered User
Nov 24, 2006
21
Australia
I lost my dear mum early monday morning. She's been in hospital for the last 2 weeks since being admitted with pneumonia and having had a heart attack. One of the family was with her virtually 24 hours a day but she died on one of a couple of nights no one was with her. I feel terribly guilty about that. She was always there for us. She was buried yesterday and now I feel so helpless not knowing how to help dad. To make things worse dad was robbed 2 days before all this happened and mum's jewellery was taken. They've been together since mum was 16 it's just so hard for him.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,326
66
Toronto, Canada
Ann,
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. My sympathies to you and your family. My father-in-law was alone when he died, as he died at 4:00 am. These things do happen and it's not always possible for someone to be there for 24 hours. A friend of mine left her mother's side for 20 minutes to get a bite and her mother died in that 20 minute span.

She was always there for you and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be feeling so guilty now.

Take care.

Joanne
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Ann

So sorry to hear of the death of your mum. Don't be too upset that you weren't able to be there. You were with her when she was aware, and she knew how much you all loved her. She would pass away peacefully, and would not have known. I know that doesn't take away the pain, but try to remember that she is now at peace.

Your dad must be devastated, more so that he has also lost your mum's jewellry. It's not so much the monetary value, he has lost that link with her.

All you can do is be there for him, whenever he needs you. Encourage him to talk about your mum. if that is what he wants to do. But don't force the issue if he's not ready to talk. Sometimes it takes some time.

TLC is all you can do, and I'm sure you are already giving him that. Just go at his pace.

Love and sympathy to you all,

Love,
 

lindaj

Registered User
Jan 15, 2007
30
Nottingham
Dear Ann

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My mum died 11 days ago and I wasn't with her when she passed away it happens so quickly. I was with her until 1.00am but I was so tired my husband thought it would be best for me to get some rest and to come back later, she passed away at 2.10am I had sat with her for 14 hours. I to felt very guilty but as time goes on it does appear to be getting a bit easier.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time.

Linda x
 

Áine

Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
994
sort of north east ish
Dear Ann,

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, and sorry that you're upset that you weren't with her when she died. It sounds like you were very much there for her before that. People often say that loved ones will wait for time on their own to let go and die, maybe because they don't want to cause their friends and relatives the upset of actually seeing them go. I don't know if that's true, but perhaps it was how your mum wanted it to be.

take care

Áine
 

Grandaughter 1

Registered User
Jan 17, 2006
141
Hampshire
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Grandad on Tuesday and I wasn't there when he passed away. It is hard but I just keep concentrating on the fact that he is at peace now.

Big hugs

Louise x
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
Dear Ann, really sorry to hear about your mother. So hard for you, but they say time is a great healer and your mum is at peace now. Thinking of you at this sad time. Please accept my sincere condolences and kind regards, Deborah
 

taylorcat

Registered User
Jun 18, 2006
171
W.Scotland
Ann, I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. I'm sure she knew you were there in your heart for her. Try not to beat yourself up about it.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,710
Kent
Dear Ann, I`m so sorry to hear of the death of your mum and would like to offer my deepest sympathy and sincere condolences.

You really have no reason to feel guilty. I`m sure in your heart of heart you know that.

You will now be there for your dad, and be as supportive as you were to your mum.

Love xx
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
Dear Ann,
My Mum unexpectedly died last Wednesday of a heart attack and by the time we got to hospital she'd already passed away. I feel comforted by the fact that she was being well cared for in her Nursing Home and felt safe and secure there, and also that she didn't have time to suffer at the end. If your Mum was in hospital, then at least there were people nearby so she would not have felt alone.
My Mum's funeral was this morning and I chose her favourite hymns and Bible readings for the service. "All things Bright and Beautiful" was played at the beginning and her flowers looked so colourful and cheerful. I also chose all her favourite thngs to eat for after the service and everyone talked about happy memories of her.
I was reminded that for most of her life she was active and enjoyed social activities, but in the last few years she had become quite unwell and very frail. Now I'm going to focus on all the positive aspects of her life.
I'm sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts are with you at this sad time.
Best wishes,
Kayla
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Kayla

I'm glad your mum's funeral went well, it sounds lovely, just what your mum would have wanted.

Take some time for yourself now, you deserve it. And keep posting, whenever you feel like it.

Love,
 

ann60

Registered User
Nov 24, 2006
21
Australia
Thanks to everyone for your wonderful replies and like you Kayla we had some of mums favourite songs and my brother did a beautiful eulogy. Mum would have been so pleased that some rellies that haven't spoken for years all came together to see her off. So sorry for all of you that have also lost someone recently. Thanks heaps everyone. Ann
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Sorry to hear of your loss Ann, just remember that TP is still here for you (and Kayla) while you come to terms with your loss and until your ready to move on.

Sending hugs
Love Alex x
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Áine said:
People often say that loved ones will wait for time on their own to let go and die, maybe because they don't want to cause their friends and relatives the upset of actually seeing them go. I don't know if that's true, but perhaps it was how your mum wanted it to be.
Áine
Dear Ann,

My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear Mum.

Please try not to feel guilty about not being there. I worked for a number of years with children who were dying and it is both well known and well accepted that people very often die when they are alone. Why this is so remains a mystery but Aine's explanation may well be correct.

One child died in the few minutes it took for her parent to go to the toilet - after that parent having been by the bedside continuously night and day for days on end.

Please comfort yourself with the knowledge that you did all you could and your Mum is now at peace.

Thinking of you.