mum appears to be in final stages

[She-Luna]

It's such an emotional roller-coaster. My Mum (97) would appear to be in the final stages - bedridden for a few weeks now, not eating, only taking small amounts of liquid food/water, eyes closed (she didn't open them at all during last visit) and not really talking. The care home have not designated her as end of life as yet. I feel so helpless, and guilty because I don't really want to visit.

 

[Jessbow]

Not certain that I am right but.......


My mother was deemed ''end of life' when she had a heart condition that, because of her dementia, it was deemed inapropriate to operate,
it didnt mean that she was in any real danger of passing away today or even tommorow- in fact she lasted 7 months .

 

[Weasell]

It's such an emotional roller-coaster. My Mum (97) would appear to be in the final stages - bedridden for a few weeks now, not eating, only taking small amounts of liquid food/water, eyes closed (she didn't open them at all during last visit) and not really talking. The care home have not designated her as end of life as yet. I feel so helpless, and guilty because I don't really want to visit.

Just a word of caution, make sure if she passes on you don’t feel even more guilty!
Guilt is something so many of us suffer from.

Could you not arrange one visit, and inform the home that at the same time you wish to speak to a member of staff about your mum.

There is a thing called a ‘just in case ‘ box. it contains pain killing drugs someone may need at the end of life. Have they arranged one for your mum, it saves nurses being called out, but being unable to do anything due to no doctor , no prescription etc.

 

[She-Luna]

I will continue to visit, but may not do one every week, unless things change. I speak to a carer regularly and they have been excellent at keeping me updated, and always give detailed information. Oddly, I found myself unwilling to eat after my last visit, almost as if my food was going to choke me too... We've never been a 'huggy' family but she's been such a steady, loving, reliable prescence in my life.

 

[Weasell]

A big problem is the ‘ how long is a piece of string ‘ question.
If I was told my mother only had one week I could make that week so nice and so special!
But I don’t know ? and at present I sometimes wonder if she will outlive me ( stranger things happen)
when someone with dementia passes you have a smorgasbord of emotions to deal with, if you can continue to visit weekly, and then more if advised, hopefully you can reduce the guilt emotion.
You are in a difficult position and I am sure you have the sympathy of everyone who reads this post.

 

[She-Luna]

My lovely Mum passed away last Saturday, all very peaceful and calm.

I saw her for the last time a couple of days before that, she didn't open her eyes but I talked to her, read some poetry and held her hand.

We are so fortunate in many respects, that she was well looked after in a good care home, that her more severe Alzheimer's symptoms only manifested themselves in the last year, and that she had a long, full, and otherwise healthy life (97 years).

This forum has been such a help (and en eye-opener!) and I will continue to follow it.

Thankyou all xxx

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry to read your sad news @She-Luna.

I’m glad your mum was well looked after. That must give you a lot of comfort.

Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry @She-Luna. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Susan11]

So sorry to hear that. Thinking of you. Don't forget to take care of yourself at this very difficult time.

 

[nellbelles]

@She-Luna my sincere condolences on the passing of your Mum, wishing you strength for the coming days...

 

[Bunpoots]

I'm sorry for your loss @She-Luna .
Please accept my condolences.

 

[Sarasa]

I'm sorry to hear the news about your mum @She-Luna , but I'm glad it was peaceful. As you said 97 is a great age, and I hope in time the memories of all the years when she was dementia free will blot out the memories of the last few months.

 

[Suze99]

Very sorry to read your sad news. Glad your mum was well looked after. Take care

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@She-Luna Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother. I am grateful for you both that it was peaceful and calm.