Mum and me
- Thread starter Canadian Joanne
- Start date
Joanne, I am sorry to hear your news. Please accept my condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts.
A busy day today. We donated the wheelchair to the home (papers to sign), cleared out her room whilst having an interesting conversation with Mum's roommate who also has AD.
Then we went to the funeral home office, chose an urn as Mum is being cremated, signed a few more papers, on to the grocery store and then home.
I had a nice surprise 10 minutes after getting home. Lovely friends of ours had sent beautiful flowers - it completely took us by surprise. Of course, Rudi and I tried guessing who sent them and of course, we were completely wrong.
I didn't sleep much last night - about 2 hours. I kept realizing that I would never see Mum again. Actually, as we sat waiting for the funeral home to come get Mum, I kept talking to her. With time, it will get easier. My sister and I spent a lot of time talking about Mum pre-dementia - all the good memories are coming back already.
Then we went to the funeral home office, chose an urn as Mum is being cremated, signed a few more papers, on to the grocery store and then home.
I had a nice surprise 10 minutes after getting home. Lovely friends of ours had sent beautiful flowers - it completely took us by surprise. Of course, Rudi and I tried guessing who sent them and of course, we were completely wrong.
I didn't sleep much last night - about 2 hours. I kept realizing that I would never see Mum again. Actually, as we sat waiting for the funeral home to come get Mum, I kept talking to her. With time, it will get easier. My sister and I spent a lot of time talking about Mum pre-dementia - all the good memories are coming back already.
Oh, Joanne, you did have a busy day. So much to sort out and organise. It sounds like your sister is still with you, which is good.
No surprise that you're not sleeping well. I imagine you have a lot on your mind right now.
Perhaps all the "doing" today will have tired you out enough, that you can sleep a bit better tonight.
Very warmest wishes to you, your sister, and Rudi.
No surprise that you're not sleeping well. I imagine you have a lot on your mind right now.
Perhaps all the "doing" today will have tired you out enough, that you can sleep a bit better tonight.
Very warmest wishes to you, your sister, and Rudi.
lots to be done and organised Joanne and your getting there. Good too that your memories are pre dementia, I too was amazed how quickly the dementia ones disappeared.
Sleep will come once everything is done,
Take care, thinking of you, Rudi and your Sister.
Sleep will come once everything is done,
Take care, thinking of you, Rudi and your Sister.
This reminds me of my mother's death, Joanne. I can recall sitting with her and telling her to wake up. She didn't. It's very hard to come to terms with, especially when your life has been bound up so closely with her care for so long. I'm thinking of you and sending much love snd sympathy. I know you will stride through the practicalities with your usual aplomb, but I know there will be the undercurrent of grief tugging at your heart too.We just think they will go on for ever, and of course they do, but differently.
They live on in our hearts and they live on in their children. You and your sister are your mum's best legacy. I am so glad your sister is there to share your sorrow. Be assured I do too. X
Thank you everyone - although I'm not responding to every message, I am reading them all and very grateful for the enormous support and love being given to me.
I made a few more arrangements today. I have an appointment with my lawyer Thursday morning. I plan on returning to work tomorrow. I want to get back to my normal routine as soon as possible. I haven't much left to do, and I'm feeling a bit restless.
I had a better sleep last night, although it wasn't the best. Unfortunately the rash I had some time ago, which took ages to subside, returned with a vengeance last week. I'm seeing my GP tonight but since I think stress is the main culprit, I don't think there's anything he'll be able to do. So I'm scratching like a flea-bitten mongrel. Unfortunately, I'm scratching till I bleed. An itch is an exquisite torment.
I made a few more arrangements today. I have an appointment with my lawyer Thursday morning. I plan on returning to work tomorrow. I want to get back to my normal routine as soon as possible. I haven't much left to do, and I'm feeling a bit restless.
I had a better sleep last night, although it wasn't the best. Unfortunately the rash I had some time ago, which took ages to subside, returned with a vengeance last week. I'm seeing my GP tonight but since I think stress is the main culprit, I don't think there's anything he'll be able to do. So I'm scratching like a flea-bitten mongrel. Unfortunately, I'm scratching till I bleed. An itch is an exquisite torment.
As to be expected, my sleep is still rather sketchy. I can fall asleep easily enough but I have having a lot of vivid dreams. In several of my dreams, my mother has died. I guess that's my brain trying to process things.
I am still feeling scarily calm. My eyes well up now and again, particularly when i realize I'll never see Mum again but I haven't had a really good cry. In some ways I want that to happen sooner than later. Maybe I never will.
I am still feeling scarily calm. My eyes well up now and again, particularly when i realize I'll never see Mum again but I haven't had a really good cry. In some ways I want that to happen sooner than later. Maybe I never will.
Joanne, glad you are getting some sleep, hope the rash is subsiding. I have never cried, wish I could but am accepting now it is unlikely to happen. xx
I hope you manage to sleep better although the rash can't be helping. Without sleep everything seems harder to cope with.
This is a time when things have to be done, arrangements to make etc. and in a way being busy detracts from the grief a little bit or rather it moves it slightly askew only for it to hit you when you ave the chance to relax.
I do hope your rash clears. I've never thought of Sylvia's idea but what a good one it is. x
This is a time when things have to be done, arrangements to make etc. and in a way being busy detracts from the grief a little bit or rather it moves it slightly askew only for it to hit you when you ave the chance to relax.
I do hope your rash clears. I've never thought of Sylvia's idea but what a good one it is. x
Working through the practicalities and arrangements. We are actually in the position of having two funerals. We will have one here, which will be a memorial service. This is primarily for my in-laws, who have always been very supportive, our friends and I expect to see a few people from the nursing home.
Then in October, we plan to have the interment in Quebec. My sister and I decided a long time ago to bury Mum with our grandparents. She and Daddy divorced when we were teenagers and they both remarried. But my stepfather is buried out west and we felt this would be best. This will be a gathering of family on my dad's side. My aunts always considered Mum their SIL, the divorce made absolutely no difference to them. They loved her like a sister. In fact, they often referred to her as the little sister, as she was youngest. So family, and my sister's friends.
My rash is still with me but I feel (hope) that it has started subsiding today.
I am calm. The only time that things hit me is when I realize that I will never see Mum again. Even though Mum was not very responsive in the last few months or years, still, she was there. It's only now that I'm realizing that even in her unresponsive mode, there was something there.
So for those of you who are getting downhearted because there is little response from your loved one, believe me, there is still something and try to appreciate it as much as is possible.
Then in October, we plan to have the interment in Quebec. My sister and I decided a long time ago to bury Mum with our grandparents. She and Daddy divorced when we were teenagers and they both remarried. But my stepfather is buried out west and we felt this would be best. This will be a gathering of family on my dad's side. My aunts always considered Mum their SIL, the divorce made absolutely no difference to them. They loved her like a sister. In fact, they often referred to her as the little sister, as she was youngest. So family, and my sister's friends.
My rash is still with me but I feel (hope) that it has started subsiding today.
I am calm. The only time that things hit me is when I realize that I will never see Mum again. Even though Mum was not very responsive in the last few months or years, still, she was there. It's only now that I'm realizing that even in her unresponsive mode, there was something there.
So for those of you who are getting downhearted because there is little response from your loved one, believe me, there is still something and try to appreciate it as much as is possible.
Hi Joanne just seen your dear mum has left you my condolences are sent with Love to you and your family x
There were a few of my friends/acquaintances who openly said that I had lost David earlier so his death was a relief for me 
. It frustrates me so much I cannot explain to them how wrong they are. The man I loved and cared for was gone and I would never see him again - that is the sadness and where the final grief sets in.
You seem to have all well arranged Joanne which is not surprising! I think it is a great comfort when family and friends surround you and understand your loss.
Take care of yourselves. xx
. It frustrates me so much I cannot explain to them how wrong they are. The man I loved and cared for was gone and I would never see him again - that is the sadness and where the final grief sets in. You seem to have all well arranged Joanne which is not surprising! I think it is a great comfort when family and friends surround you and understand your loss.
Take care of yourselves. xx
