1. dream

    dream Registered User

    Feb 9, 2008
    19
    shropshire
    #1 dream, May 10, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: May 10, 2008
    my mum has alzheimers very bad and my dad is her full time carer. he is going away for a fortnight at end of month. i have 3 sisters and i have made an appointment to see the warden about some care while he is away that is when the probles sterted one does not want to go and one of them sisters is wavering as they said they do not wish to go behide dads back, by the way my dad will not have any help from any one but is daughters. one of my sisters can not do it as she is working full time so it has left with 3 of use to give her full time care 5 days each 24hr cover, for get that we have familys and homes to run we have to be there all the time, i am a diabetic insulin controled 4 time a day and it not under controlled so i am inclind to hypos any time. i have tried so many times that mum could be in danged but nobody will listen to me and my concerns, i am really getting upset about my sisters attitude and not standing on a united front in this matter does anyone have any advice on this matter.:(
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,894
    Kent
    Hello dream. :)

    Moderator note.....I have merged your two posts as they were duplicates.

    I am sorry you have been left in such a difficult position.

    Whilst I fully understand your father`s need for a break, it is his responsibility, not yours, to make adequate provision for your mother`s care whilst he is away.

    I can only suggst you and your sisters have a meeting with your father and tell him what you are able and unable to provide by way of care, and he will have to make arrangements for the deficit.

    I do not want to start trouble between yourself and your father, but I`m afraid I see his attitude as the upsetting one rather than your sisters.

    I care for my husband and there is no way I could go away and insist my son takes over his care. Your father is being unfair.

    Please talk it over, all of you.

    Take care xx
     
  3. dream

    dream Registered User

    Feb 9, 2008
    19
    shropshire
    dad

    i have tried to ask why you dont you put her in day care and one of us will sleep over night and he flatly refuse that suggestion. i think he wants to make us all feel guily and that it is our duty to look after her. i think that he knows that it is going to devide us all.do you think i should keep my appointment with the warden as she is very clued up on this illness?.
     
  4. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Dream,
    Firstly, please do not feel guilty.
    If anyone should feel guilty it is your Dad.
    I am sorry to be outspoken but as a disabled person who was looking after my husband for 4 years before he was placed in E.M.I. Unit by Consultant and Peter is now 61.
    Although I have a very close family and I should of had respite rest, no way would I have left my husband.
    Please do what you feel is the right thing for you and your sisters.
    Wishing you all the best
    Christine
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,894
    Kent
    Dream

    I do think you should keep the appointment with the warden, especially as she is clued up to dementia.

    Everyone is backing off except you and your father is being very unfair.

    You are no longer his little girl who he can dominate you are a grown woman entitled to make your own decisions.

    If your sisiters are critical of you for going behind his back, ask them to take charge. They have no right to criticise and do nothing to help you.

    You must stand up for yourself. I imagine you are very kindhearted and you are being taken advantage of.

    I am cross for you.
     
  6. Christinec

    Christinec Registered User

    Aug 8, 2007
    214
    #6 Christinec, May 10, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: May 10, 2008
    Hi Dream,
    Good thoughts from Sylvia.

    My mum is now in care home and my father blames me because I was not prepared to do exactly what he wanted.
    Please take Sylvia's advice. If the warden is an expert and can help accept that advice or help. If your father has not arranged care for your Mum you are unfortunately being left in the position of having to take action to ensure she is cared for - social work have a duty of care if your Mum cannot care for herself - you need to tell them she needs care.

    I hope that you find a route to ensure your Mum gets the services to ensure she is as safe and happy as possible when your father is away and I hope against hope that you acheive this without too much upset but if you have a difficult time over this please try accept you had to look out for your Mum. If she is like mine she cannot do this for herself and perhaps like my father yours assumes you will do exactly what suits him whatever your other committments, abilities or wishes.

    Times change but amongst an older generation there are some men and possibly woman who believe daughters are there only to care for them no matter what the reality of their relationship has been or whatever else the daughters have to deal with in their lives.

    Best wishes.
     
  7. dream

    dream Registered User

    Feb 9, 2008
    19
    shropshire
    mum

    i would like to thank everyone who has sent messages of support i felt completely on my own. i have one sister who will be coming with me on wednesday and my husband is in total agreement with your comments. will keep in touch and let you no what the out coming.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,894
    Kent
    Good luck for Wednesday Dream. I hope it goes well.
    Love xx
     

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