Moving to a care home.

[Twiglet58]

Hello
My aunt has mid-late stages of dementia, she is 90 years old. She is now unable to look after herself at home and wrap around care is not working. All the family would like her to go into care but she is refusing to go. We believe that this is in her best interests. She doesn’t have any perception of time, thinks her father and mother are both still alive. Is there anything we can do to get her to agree. Thank you.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Twiglet58

It`s unlikely you will get your aunt to agree to going into care but you could try to get a social services assessment of needs.

If you suggest she is a vulnerable adult and is at risk, it might help.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Twiglet58 and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
My mother was the same age as your aunt when I moved her into care. Like your aunt she would never have agreed to moving to a care home, in fact she thought she was perfectly fine and refused all my schemes to get her some help at home. I didn't tell her what was happening just took her there. Mum had agreed to sell her flat to move nearer my brother, so my story was that the place she wanted near him wasn't ready so this was a nice place near me to stay in the meantime. Mum didn't buy that excuse and wanted to go home, forgetting how unhappy she had been there as she thought the neighbours were stealing from her. She was also putting herself and others at risk with her behaviour. I was rather naïve and didn't realise that if she had been found to have capacity she could have gone home. As it was the home applied for a Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards order to be able to keep her there, and the social worker and psychiatrist agreed she no longer was able to make informed decisions about her welfare. Your aunt sounds a little more advanced than my mum was when she moved, so I imagine she doesn't have capacity.
Have you found a place you think will suit her? Not all care homes are alike so it is worth having a look at various places if you haven't done so already. Maybe suggest to your aunt that she needs a holiday and you've found a lovely place she can stay or that the GP says she needs to build up her strength and has recommended this convalescent home for her to stay at a while. Whatever you say make sure that it sounds to her advantage rather than yours.