Hello,
I'm new to the forum, but hope other users can help me with their advice and support.
My mother is relatively newly diagnosed as 'dementia likely' and, in recent months, been prescribed Donepezil (which I don't see having much effect).
Both parents, prior to diagnosis, had always wanted to downsize from their house to an apartment. As a result of her declining health, I pushed this along in the belief it'd be better sooner than later. When the opportunity of the apartment was given to us, my father and I decided it would be best. I followed all the advice (making your home dementia friendly, etc) and myself and husband decorated the place in a way that was familiar and welcoming - the idea to move sideways with as little fuss or stress as possible.
2 weeks ago we moved them into the apartment, with nothing to be done and almost all their significant possessions in place. It was, we believed, as gentle a move as possible. The house would remain and the 'deal' was the apartment was to be tried on a trial basis. It ticks every box, a ground floor on a quiet and peaceful development surrounded by trees and gardens. It's really nearby the old house (and myself as a support to my father/both of them). My father has found great relief in managing in a smaller space, as he has had to take over from cooking, cleaning, etc. He is happy with the change. But my reason for asking all users for help is that my mother hasn't settled at all.
I know it's really early days, and everyone I speak to confirms this, but my mother is constantly asking to return to the house. She won't accept any explanation (or the white lie that we're redecorating it, adapting it and need time before she can return), she asks to go back over and over.
This is taking a hard toll on my father as he has been with her 24/7 since the move and missed his local groups to ensure she's not left alone. I can do as much as possible and visit every day with my small children and it's seen as a welcome distraction, if only for a while. But my heart breaks for my mother when she continually asks to return to her house and also for my father as he has lost patience and become snappy and sharp with her. He's visibly drained.
I know the apartment is the right thing. I know people say to ride this out. But how do you do this? My mother's a 'young' 80, my father 78. As I type, my husband has returned to their house to begin painting it (untouched in many years) and try clearing it out with the view that we'll have to return them. We are totally stretched. My siblings are of no help, rarely visit/call, and leave it all to me/us. I see a breaking point ahead and hope to avoid it.
Any help, support, advice would be so welcome.
Many thanks.
I'm new to the forum, but hope other users can help me with their advice and support.
My mother is relatively newly diagnosed as 'dementia likely' and, in recent months, been prescribed Donepezil (which I don't see having much effect).
Both parents, prior to diagnosis, had always wanted to downsize from their house to an apartment. As a result of her declining health, I pushed this along in the belief it'd be better sooner than later. When the opportunity of the apartment was given to us, my father and I decided it would be best. I followed all the advice (making your home dementia friendly, etc) and myself and husband decorated the place in a way that was familiar and welcoming - the idea to move sideways with as little fuss or stress as possible.
2 weeks ago we moved them into the apartment, with nothing to be done and almost all their significant possessions in place. It was, we believed, as gentle a move as possible. The house would remain and the 'deal' was the apartment was to be tried on a trial basis. It ticks every box, a ground floor on a quiet and peaceful development surrounded by trees and gardens. It's really nearby the old house (and myself as a support to my father/both of them). My father has found great relief in managing in a smaller space, as he has had to take over from cooking, cleaning, etc. He is happy with the change. But my reason for asking all users for help is that my mother hasn't settled at all.
I know it's really early days, and everyone I speak to confirms this, but my mother is constantly asking to return to the house. She won't accept any explanation (or the white lie that we're redecorating it, adapting it and need time before she can return), she asks to go back over and over.
This is taking a hard toll on my father as he has been with her 24/7 since the move and missed his local groups to ensure she's not left alone. I can do as much as possible and visit every day with my small children and it's seen as a welcome distraction, if only for a while. But my heart breaks for my mother when she continually asks to return to her house and also for my father as he has lost patience and become snappy and sharp with her. He's visibly drained.
I know the apartment is the right thing. I know people say to ride this out. But how do you do this? My mother's a 'young' 80, my father 78. As I type, my husband has returned to their house to begin painting it (untouched in many years) and try clearing it out with the view that we'll have to return them. We are totally stretched. My siblings are of no help, rarely visit/call, and leave it all to me/us. I see a breaking point ahead and hope to avoid it.
Any help, support, advice would be so welcome.
Many thanks.
