Mother's Day 2019
- Thread starter MaNaAk
- Start date
Having an attack of the memories today and I can honestly that people who have never cared for someone with dementia have absolutely no idea. At the beginning I worried about coping with wandering and dad forgetting who I was but I knew nothing asking about dead loved ones but the fact that dad passed away still remembering who I was was down to me whereas my youngest invisible felt forgotten 💔.
MaNaAk
MaNaAk
These high days and holidays I always also find bring back the memories @MaNaAk - I sometimes wish we could ignore them but they are everywhere!
You are absolutely right no-one who hasn’t done our job can get it at all - the emotionals of it all are so difficult to process and change us for ever.
I do hope you have some moments of unexpected joy to grab hold of today 🥰🥰
You are absolutely right no-one who hasn’t done our job can get it at all - the emotionals of it all are so difficult to process and change us for ever.
I do hope you have some moments of unexpected joy to grab hold of today 🥰🥰
Thankyou @sdmhred.
It didn't help with me having a nightmare about mum (died August 2008) caring for dad (died June 2019). I woke up feeling relieved that it was all a dream and then I heard 'Out Of Africa's on the radio and it all came back again. She used to love listening to Classic FM where they played this lovely music all the time. I have some good news in that my Piano pupils passed their exams.
MaNaAk
I again smuggled a Mother's Day card into the shopping basket a couple of weeks ago.
This morning I wished my mum "Happy Mother's Day - I've just put your card downstairs."
"Thanks Mam." was her reply.
Later she asked "How's your Mam?"
"Oh, she's alright love."
She's recently opened it - "Isn't it nice."
"Yes it is."
Who am I this morning? I don't know, but as long as she's happy that's all that matters.
This morning I wished my mum "Happy Mother's Day - I've just put your card downstairs."
"Thanks Mam." was her reply.
Later she asked "How's your Mam?"
"Oh, she's alright love."
She's recently opened it - "Isn't it nice."
"Yes it is."
Who am I this morning? I don't know, but as long as she's happy that's all that matters.
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why do you say attack of the memories? i dont think that young people actually see mothers day and cards and presents. i doubt if i will get any. i was thinking the other day that instead of cards and flowers, they could give time and do something. time seems a more precious commodity. my mum died in 2004 but still feels strange sometimes.
It's my first Mothers' Day without my mum (she died last June). I'm not sad, although I do miss her and thought about her this morning when I was opening my cards from my daughters. Last Mothers' Day, I took mum a card and flowers to the care home, but, bless her, she hadn't a clue what was going on. In our family, we've always believed that you don't need one day per year to tell your mum that you love her, so our Mothers' Days have never really been celebrated as big things.
S x
S x
Last year I didn’t get the flowers ( I think I actually bought her a shewee 😝😝) and I remember the chuckle when we saw the queue of young men at the petrol station - mum was convinced she had already had flowers 🤣🤣🤣 ….and of course had asked me if I was visiting my mum!
weve never made a big deal of the gifts but have used the day as an excuse to get together so marks a little of a ‘progress marker’
weve never made a big deal of the gifts but have used the day as an excuse to get together so marks a little of a ‘progress marker’
I am sorry to read that @MaNaAk. It must make the day seem even sadder for you.
For a few years after my mum passed away I used to dread going into shops and seeing Mother’s Day cards, but gradually that passed as my memories of how mum was before her non-dementia illness.
well cared for then. sorry @MaNaAk it must be horrible hearing of another family member having this disease. they have a good teacher if they need to know things
i was wrong, ive had 2 bunches of flowers and cards already so im a lucky mum. ive got one more vase.
I’m so glad you got flowers and cards. We tell ourselves we don’t mind if we don’t get anything but it sure is nice when we do get something.
Yes it's got better with time but hearing 'Out Of Africa' today set me off. The first Mother's Day without mum dad and I had a get together with my youngest brother and his partner but the following year when I tried to invite him for another one I got a lecture and dad and I ended up feeling very stressed out and sad. At that point I decided not to invite him round for any get together at Easter that year or any time near Mother's Day. Just enjoyed a lovely lunch at my local theatre and now I'm going home to my little tortoise. I think I might have a takeaway later.
You must have had a lovely surprise @jennifer1967!
MaNaAk
You must have had a lovely surprise @jennifer1967!
MaNaAk
Even a phone call to find out how we're doing is lovely. I'm not a mother but at least after mum's death the elder of my two brothers used to phone and find out how myself and dad were doing
MaNaAk
i just thought as it was my birthday only 2 days ago that they wouldnt bother but i was wrong and got a bit of help when shopping was delivered.
enjoy the take away and your little tortoise. you are important to her
Just been enjoying a nice takeaway from my parents favourite. This morning I spoke about Mother's Day and dad talking about mum to relatives but apart from dad's half-sister's family none of them truly understand what it takes to care for loved ones with dementia. They spoke about my lovely parents as people which of course but nothing about the care that I gave and I am sorry for sounding selfish but I would have thought that my job as a carer would have been recognised but as it hasn't all I can say is that if you are caring for the first do not expect help from invisibles and do not expect understanding.
MaNaAk
MaNaAk
❤️ you are not selfish, the memories and the emotions of the day along with your relative has brought it all back which is a lot to deal with on your own. you have remebered them your way and hope you enjoyed your take away.
