Mother wants to go 'home'

MortlakeMan

New member
Jan 6, 2022
7
0
I struggle with persistent demands from my mother who I care for, that we 'go home' after a recent (two weeks ago) move from her house to a new flat with no stairs that I have purchased. We've lived together for five years but its obviously very difficult for a 99 year women with Alzheimer's (not very severe). However her demands are made quite vehemently and at about the same time in the morning each day. Although it dies down I know that it will start up again later in the day or the next day and it sparks quite considerable anxiety in me. I am not sure of the best way of responding. I started with deferal; 'lets see, maybe in a few days which worked for a while (I could try it again) then I tried rational discussion of the pro's and con's which didn't. Any tips? I'm told it will pass and that she will settle but I'm not sure.
 

Chizz

Registered User
Jan 10, 2023
3,548
0
Kent
I struggle with persistent demands from my mother who I care for, that we 'go home' after a recent (two weeks ago) move from her house to a new flat with no stairs that I have purchased. We've lived together for five years but its obviously very difficult for a 99 year women with Alzheimer's (not very severe). However her demands are made quite vehemently and at about the same time in the morning each day. Although it dies down I know that it will start up again later in the day or the next day and it sparks quite considerable anxiety in me. I am not sure of the best way of responding. I started with deferal; 'lets see, maybe in a few days which worked for a while (I could try it again) then I tried rational discussion of the pro's and con's which didn't. Any tips? I'm told it will pass and that she will settle but I'm not sure.
Hi @MortlakeMan
Welcome to this support forum. The Alz Soc website has a wealth of info that you can browse, including how to talk with a person with dementia (PWD).
As you probably know a PWD gets upset or stressed when faced with unfamiliar people and unfamiliar places. Thus, a new home is unfamiliar and causes confusion. Hopefully, after a while your mother will settle as the new home becomes the norm and not so new. A PWD usually reacts best when reassured. Safe and warm always helps.
As you appreciate, a PWD has lost the ability to reason logically, and thus there is nothing gained by argument. It may be hard, but losing your cool never helps the PWD, even if it helps you!
Best wishes
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,973
0
Normally when this request is made, it's a wish to return to a usually, a childhood home, where they felt safe.
However you have had her do a recent physical move.
How different is the new flat to her old house?
How long had she lived there?
Time to settle in the new flat, could be, a few weeks, to several months. Having familiar furniture, decorations, nick-naks, may all help.

Bod