Mother is obsessed with throwing things away

[sue zeee]

Hi,
I wonder if anyone else has experienced an obsessive behaviour involving throwing everything away?
My 88 year old mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year. She initially suffered from terrible confusion and some hallucinations. She had also spent time “having a good old clear out” at home which we assumed to be a need to de-clutter her house, although she had included some valuable items and also personal things such as her passport and family photos. As she is physically fit we respected her wishes to remain at home with a regular care team visiting, plus meals on wheels. By this time she was eating and drinking very little, had stopped reading and had stopped watching TV. She was still attending to her personal needs but was very unfriendly towards the carers.
Gradually, we realised that she was spending each day looking for more stuff to put in the dustbins until they were full after which she waited until the following week to continue. Each time we visited there was less in the house. Over the next month she threw away all her clothes, clocks, radio, lamps, bed linen and towels, cooking utensils, pictures and ornaments, jewellery, documents , cleaning materials and food. She switched off all appliances including the central heating/ hot water. Finally she disposed of the car keys, TV, computer, all personal documents, bedding, saucepans and the unopened mail arriving daily. All that she had left were tea bags, milk and biscuits which she went to buy at the shop. She became very angry when we tried to suggest she must stop or she wouldn’t be able to remain in her own home. It seemed like she thought she was getting ready to leave us….
However, when I took her to visit my daughter one afternoon, she proceeded to go through all the cupboards (while we were chatting) and managed to throw away clothing, medicines, food etc before we noticed!
It was inevitable that eventually we had to move her to a care home (on advice of Social Services) in August as she was at risk at home.
She has continued to throw away anything that is bought for her. She is devious enough to put things in other residents’ bins and I was just informed that they have had to put gates on resident’s doors to stop her throwing their belongings out of the window! The staff are at a loss to know what to do with her as they have not encountered this before.
The latest suggestion is that theyneed new strategies to occupy her. She is not sociable and dislikes crafts etc. Any suggestions?

 

[jeany123]

Hello Sue and welcome to Talking Point, how worrying all this must be for you, I can't think of any solutions,, I hope someone will be along soon to give you some ideas and advice,

Jeany x

 

[Madusa]

Hi my MIL has recently been diagnosed with Vascular dementia and over the last 6 months is constantly 'having a clear out'. We haven't got to the stage you're at but more and more things are starting to go missing from her home. She regularly has a big pile of stuff behind her lounge chair that she wants to go to the charity shop. My OH goes through her bins regularly to check that she hasn't thrown anything valuable away, he also takes the stuff she has put in the charity pile and puts it in our attic (it is now so full the floor is bowing) as she usually says that she can't find a certain thing she has 'given to charity'. It is good to know she is not the only one who does this and what we can expect for the future.
I would love to give you advice but as I am only in the early stages of this trait and MIL loves jigsaws (even though she keeps throwing away several of the pieces). I am at a loss at what to suggest, sorry.

 

[Granddaughter00]

Hi Sue,

My grandmother is also throwing away things. Before we realized what was happening, she had thrown away my sons special childhood toys that I had been saving for 20 years for his children. All of my most special memories were discarded. I was devastated. I confronted her and she became very aggressive. That night we slept with furniture propped up against our doors out of fear of her reaction. She throws away our things, as well as her own - even brand new clothes she just purchased.
She also hides her own possessions, thinking that we are stealing from her. When she forgets where she has hidden things, she accuses us of theft. When the object is found, she believes we put it there secretly to spite her. It is very difficult for all of us, including her.
Now, 2 years later, she continues to throw away and hide things. I believe she knows this upsets us because she hides throwing away our things very well. I've read there is no point in explaining that it is wrong or trying to reason, as that part of her brain does not function as it should. We go through our garbage weekly and pull out what's she's thrown away without saying a word to her. Part of me resents her. Part of me realizes she can't help it.
We are in the process of looking for a home, but are challenged as she does not read or write, and does not speak English. Sending her away is to isolate her, but she can no longer stay with us due to conflict.
I'm not sure we can stop this. I think it's just a matter of damage control through monitoring what she brings out to the garbage/garage. I hope someone out there can provide a better suggestion for you
Good luck!

Hi,
I wonder if anyone else has experienced an obsessive behaviour involving throwing everything away?
My 88 year old mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year. She initially suffered from terrible confusion and some hallucinations. She had also spent time “having a good old clear out” at home which we assumed to be a need to de-clutter her house, although she had included some valuable items and also personal things such as her passport and family photos. As she is physically fit we respected her wishes to remain at home with a regular care team visiting, plus meals on wheels. By this time she was eating and drinking very little, had stopped reading and had stopped watching TV. She was still attending to her personal needs but was very unfriendly towards the carers.
Gradually, we realised that she was spending each day looking for more stuff to put in the dustbins until they were full after which she waited until the following week to continue. Each time we visited there was less in the house. Over the next month she threw away all her clothes, clocks, radio, lamps, bed linen and towels, cooking utensils, pictures and ornaments, jewellery, documents , cleaning materials and food. She switched off all appliances including the central heating/ hot water. Finally she disposed of the car keys, TV, computer, all personal documents, bedding, saucepans and the unopened mail arriving daily. All that she had left were tea bags, milk and biscuits which she went to buy at the shop. She became very angry when we tried to suggest she must stop or she wouldn’t be able to remain in her own home. It seemed like she thought she was getting ready to leave us….
However, when I took her to visit my daughter one afternoon, she proceeded to go through all the cupboards (while we were chatting) and managed to throw away clothing, medicines, food etc before we noticed!
It was inevitable that eventually we had to move her to a care home (on advice of Social Services) in August as she was at risk at home.
She has continued to throw away anything that is bought for her. She is devious enough to put things in other residents’ bins and I was just informed that they have had to put gates on resident’s doors to stop her throwing their belongings out of the window! The staff are at a loss to know what to do with her as they have not encountered this before.
The latest suggestion is that theyneed new strategies to occupy her. She is not sociable and dislikes crafts etc. Any suggestions?

 

[Tsiomas]

Mum age 88

I was searching the internet to find out if throwing things away or giving things to others/charity is part of this illness. I moved in to live with my mother 6 months ago (sold everything and live now in her spare bedroom) and caught her a few times putting my things out to throw but told her under no circumstances to throw anything without checking with me first.

That seemed to work but more recently things have started to go missing. Silly things like my knife and fork (yes I had my own special ones), then leggings, tracksuit bottoms and yesterday I realised my leather coat was missing . I'm gathering she has given it away but have not accused her. I asked her if she had seen it or put it somewhere and she got really angry with me.

She then seemed to think about how upset I was and offered to buy me a new one... laughs. Today she suggested I keep everything I own in my own room so as not to loose things.

I wonder if she knows what she is doing but cant help it hence me keeping everything in my room and safe?

 

[loveahug]

I would guess that your mum recognises something as 'not hers' so promptly disposes of it, forgetting that there is another person in the house to whom it may belong. Any time I went to stay with my mum I couldn't leave my coat on the coat rack as it would end up in the recycling! Dementia seems to prevent the logic of 'not mine so must be their's '

TBH it might be best to keep everything in your room and then put a lock on the door, that way there can be no mistakes.

Good luck, I think you're a total star to move in - hugs x

 

[Lhalki89]

Hi,
I wonder if anyone else has experienced an obsessive behaviour involving throwing everything away?

........

Answer: I would suggest asking the home to give her projects. Figure out a way to ask her that she responds well too. It might take a few tries beige you figure out the perfect way.

(( Project example: ((Good morning “Mrs. Houdini”. We were hoping you could help us with some work that needs to be completed. We would be so grateful for your assistance!
<If she agrees> WONDERFUL! Thank you. Well, what I need you to do, is go through these 10 bags for me. They are all mixed up, and we need them straightened out to be donated. Could you separate blacks, lights and colors? Blacks go in this bag, whites in this one and colors in the other. Just fold them, and put them in the designated bags. Once you are done, I can bring you some more if you are up to it. )) ))

Literally, just grab bags of clothing from savers or wherever they are giving away free junk clothes (wash them first obviously). You can give her the Same clothes and project every day. Maybe once in awhile grab another bag to mix in, or adjust the project by saying she needs to see if there are any clothes from a specific brand, or with tags etc. Best part is- you don’t need to make sure she is doing it correctly, because it’s a fake project.

 

[Lhalki89]

Elderly people want to feel like they are wanted and needed, but it’s also important for them to have and feel a sense of autonomy.
By asking if she could help them, it’s hitting two birds with one stone.... it’s giving her the option to refuse.... no one is making her help, but the question is also making it clear that she’s needed and wanted.

 

[Buckles]

Have you tried medication? I was thinking anti-depressant like an SSRI (like citalopram) or we found that a tiny dose of risperidone (anti-psychotic) was helpful for agitation/aggression - both were suggested by the admiral nurse helpline which I would highly recommend calling.
Then discuss with her doctor, does she have a Community Psychiatric Nurse or dementia specialist, can you ask you GP for referral if they're not happy to prescribe these?

 

[Lhalki89]

I used this particular project example, because you said she doesn’t like to socialize or do crafts. However, through your comment it’s clear she likes busy work and has a need to get rid of things. If u notice she’s not into the donation thing, than just switch the project to the clothing needs to be thrown away not donated. Maybe show her a mock throw away bin? & maybe tell her that because there are so many clothes, they need to be organized before pickup. I’m sure you can figure out some creative stories and other creative projects.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Lhalki89
a warm welcome to DTP

just to let you know that this is an old thread from 2014 ... you can check the date of each post , top left hand corner of the text box

I hope you'll keep posting with helpful suggestions, and maybe start your own thread with whatever is on your mind

 

[Lorraine67]

Hi,
I wonder if anyone else has experienced an obsessive behaviour involving throwing everything away?
My 88 year old mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year. She initially suffered from terrible confusion and some hallucinations. She had also spent time “having a good old clear out” at home which we assumed to be a need to de-clutter her house, although she had included some valuable items and also personal things such as her passport and family photos. As she is physically fit we respected her wishes to remain at home with a regular care team visiting, plus meals on wheels. By this time she was eating and drinking very little, had stopped reading and had stopped watching TV. She was still attending to her personal needs but was very unfriendly towards the carers.
Gradually, we realised that she was spending each day looking for more stuff to put in the dustbins until they were full after which she waited until the following week to continue. Each time we visited there was less in the house. Over the next month she threw away all her clothes, clocks, radio, lamps, bed linen and towels, cooking utensils, pictures and ornaments, jewellery, documents , cleaning materials and food. She switched off all appliances including the central heating/ hot water. Finally she disposed of the car keys, TV, computer, all personal documents, bedding, saucepans and the unopened mail arriving daily. All that she had left were tea bags, milk and biscuits which she went to buy at the shop. She became very angry when we tried to suggest she must stop or she wouldn’t be able to remain in her own home. It seemed like she thought she was getting ready to leave us….
However, when I took her to visit my daughter one afternoon, she proceeded to go through all the cupboards (while we were chatting) and managed to throw away clothing, medicines, food etc before we noticed!
It was inevitable that eventually we had to move her to a care home (on advice of Social Services) in August as she was at risk at home.
She has continued to throw away anything that is bought for her. She is devious enough to put things in other residents’ bins and I was just informed that they have had to put gates on resident’s doors to stop her throwing their belongings out of the window! The staff are at a loss to know what to do with her as they have not encountered this before.
The latest suggestion is that theyneed new strategies to occupy her. She is not sociable and dislikes crafts etc. Any suggestions?

Hi I came here searching for some ideas to why and any ideas how to help stop this activity . Some comfort in knowing that mum in law is not the only one doing this😬 . At the moment MIL ( vascular dementia) is throwing out her own underwear , given she is incontinent as you can imagine it’s getting out of hand . So far in a fortnight 17 pairs of knickers which are brand new ( not soiled) . We have resorted to going through every bag of rubbish . So far towels and unopened bags of food wasted are also on hit list .
She is still living on own with carers twice Dailey and also a camera as she will not wear her Life Line for her safety🙁.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello@Lorraine67 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. This is quite an old thread and you might not receive many replies. The issue that you describe is quite common in people with dementia and because you do not live with your MIL there is not a lot you can do to stop her from throwing things out. I would suggest that if there are any important papers or other documents in the house that they should be moved for safe keeping. The same would apply to any other sentimental items.
I would be concerned about her living on her own with only two visits per day especially as she will not use her LifeLine, you cannot be watching a camera all day. It may be time to start considering full time care. You might find it useful to start in new thread in the area - I care for a person with dementia. This way you can talk about any concerns that you have, I have attached a link below.

I care for a person with dementia

This forum is for people who are involved in the care of a person with dementia.

forum.alzheimers.org.uk