Mother in law - rapid decline

Loves_cheese

Registered User
Jan 28, 2020
10
My mother in law was officially diagnosed in Feb 2019 with Alzheimer's. This is all new and I'm not sure what stage she's at ..on the scale of What's considered quite bad if that's the phrase.
She's very confused alot of time,moody, repeats the same questions over and over again, she wandered up and down our town looking for us not sure where we were even though we just messaged to let her know. Eating out of date food alot as not sure of days of weeks/dates ( we try and clear out daily, but she insists on buying yellow stickers cos it's a bargain) she walked out of shops without paying for things....
She seems to be deteriorating very quickly, what's a normal time frame for this..(how longs a bit of string I know) She's very overwhelmed with home life (74, lives alone) my partner her son. Doesn't want to see her in a home of any kind unless absolutely necessary. We have talked and said we could move in with her so she stayed at home as long as possible (she's said she'd rather die than go in a home), once 'free' social care has reached its limit ( I am a carer so I know the drill few hours here and there ) were just worried about if we moved in we would have to give up our home, would the social work then take mother in law's home to foot care bill if a home was required.. then we're homeless, so many factors and questions... Don't even know where to begin..... Help
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,556
leicester
Hello @Loves_cheese and welcome to DTP
I think you are quite right to be concerned about giving up your home and moving in with MIL a friend of mine gave up her home to care for her Dad in a council owned property and she has finished up homeless please get some expert advice before you take such a big step.
I’ve attached the link to the Alzheimer’s helpline in case you would like to talk to someone
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline
 

Loves_cheese

Registered User
Jan 28, 2020
10
Does anyone have a rough idea how much home care help you can get with care, I know in Scotland personal care is free... Then your charged a council care bill. Not sure how they work out the hourly rate with social work etc...
 
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Loves_cheese

Registered User
Jan 28, 2020
10
I will give local charity a phone to see where we stand, she owns her property so hopefully that would make a difference. I'm deffy not giving up our house if there's a small chance we could get evicted, harsh but she would need to go in a home as much as she would hate it and the rate she's going I feel like it could be on next few years. Is 2/3 years a normal time for deterioration? Seems quite quick... She's always had a terrible memory so we cant even think if she's had the Alzheimer's longer or not...
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,325
South coast
Its very much a "how long is a piece of string". In my mums case I suddenly realised she had dementia when she stated accussing an old and very dear frind of hers of stealing from her, when I knew she would never do that. Mum deteriorated very rapidly after that and within a few months was wandering outside at silly o;clock dressed only in her nighty or dressing gown and knocking on neighbours doors because she was lost. She fought tooth and nail against going into a care home and tried to make me promise that I would never do it, but there was no alternative, so after a spell in hospital she moved into her care home and was actually happy there.

It all seemed to move so fast and from realising that she had dementia until the time that she moved into a care home was only 6 months, but looking back I think that she had had this for much longer, but had hidden the signs. Eventually she couldnt hide it any longer and it all spilled out
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
487
Hi @Loves_cheese, welcome to the forum. You don't mention whether MIL has been assessed by Social Services? This would be the first step in getting some support to enable MIL to continue to live independently for as long as possible. They will also undertake a financial assessment to determine MIL's contribution (if any - it will depend on Mum's assets). It would probably be a good idea to contact the Local Authority today and arrange that as soon as possible. As a carer yourself you will know there are a lot of adaptations within the home that could help too (such as a careline).

Does anyone have a rough idea how much home care help you can get with care
This depends on the Local Authority, but a generally most are a maximum of 3 - 4 visits a day, but it will depend on MIL's needs, the assessment should provide clarity on that.

In terms of MIL's decline it is really difficult to determine, is she seeing the Memory Clinic at all? They tend to undertake periodic testing which can provide an indication of decline. However, it might be more beneficial for you to keep a diary to document the situation with you MIL and that will give a clearer picture to Social Workers (and yourself) of MIL's situation.

It might be worth exploring additional support before making the big step of moving in. I hope you get some help soon.

All the best.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
109
Does anyone have a rough idea how much home care help you can get with care, I know in Scotland personal care is free... Then your charged a council care bill. Not sure how they work out the hourly rate with social work etc...
Personal care is free, but I had my mum at daycare one day a week, and she went to a lunch club 4 days a week, plus I had regular respite ( the only way I managed to look after her). All of the above cost, and recently the council had upped the cost of daycare from £6 to £10 at one fell swoop. Yes, we have the advantage of free personal care, but that's it. I had carers coming in the morning, and when my mum came back from hospital that was upped to 4 times a day, which was decided by the discharge team. If you are thinking of having her in, I would do your research first. Also, see Citizens' Advice and social work to see if you would need any adaptations, since it is easler doing that before she moves in rather than after.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,060
If your MIL goes into a care home, her house would be sold to fund her care regardless of whether you had moved in with her. That's how it works in England, if you're in Scotland I assume that still applies?

I think every person with dementia (PWD) says they would rather die than go into a care home. My mother certainly did! But she had to move into a care home two years ago and within weeks was telling me she loved it there. Sometimes it really is the best thing, and isn't as badly received as you expect.
 

Loves_cheese

Registered User
Jan 28, 2020
10
Hi @Loves_cheese, welcome to the forum. You don't mention whether MIL has been assessed by Social Services? This would be the first step in getting some support to enable MIL to continue to live independently for as long as possible. They will also undertake a financial assessment to determine MIL's contribution (if any - it will depend on Mum's assets). It would probably be a good idea to contact the Local Authority today and arrange that as soon as possible. As a carer yourself you will know there are a lot of adaptations within the home that could help too (such as a careline).



This depends on the Local Authority, but a generally most are a maximum of 3 - 4 visits a day, but it will depend on MIL's needs, the assessment should provide clarity on that.

In terms of MIL's decline it is really difficult to determine, is she seeing the Memory Clinic at all? They tend to undertake periodic testing which can provide an indication of decline. However, it might be more beneficial for you to keep a diary to document the situation with you MIL and that will give a clearer picture to Social Workers (and yourself) of MIL's situation.

It might be worth exploring additional support before making the big step of moving in. I hope you get some help soon.

All the best.

Have no intention of moving in till there's difficulties that can't be cared for by daily visits from care staff/social work. Not 100% on social work I'd need to find out. She's not been to memory clinic since confirmed diagnosis. Maybe need to get another visit arranged. My main issue is moving in giving up our house then if she needs a care home we get kicked out so council can use house to pay care bills.... Crazy situation trying to help your family and you fear you can't
 

Loves_cheese

Registered User
Jan 28, 2020
10
If your MIL goes into a care home, her house would be sold to fund her care regardless of whether you had moved in with her. That's how it works in England, if you're in Scotland I assume that still applies?

I think every person with dementia (PWD) says they would rather die than go into a care home. My mother certainly did! But she had to move into a care home two years ago and within weeks was telling me she loved it there. Sometimes it really is the best thing, and isn't as badly received as you expect.
I know if your a spouse etc.. you wouldn't have to move out.... So not sure how it applies to children...
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,060

Firecatcher

Registered User
Jan 6, 2020
16
I would be very cautious about giving up your home. If your mother in law is deteriorating so quickly and you want to move in with her could you consider putting your possessions into storage and renting your property out whilst you care for her.