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SH24

Registered User
Aug 30, 2021
14
0
Derbyshire
Hi All

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4/5 years ago. She also has bi-polar and not being a professional I am unsure what issues are related to which. I wondered if anyone had any advice as I work full time, trying to organise my DIY wedding which is in 2 weeks and I don't live in the same town anymore, I'm really struggling to cope...

She has started stealing plants from peoples gardens recently (they have been and got them back but one person reported it to the police so I am hoping she will stop it) is this something anyone else has encountered?

She's eating all of her meals and snacks by 9/10am no matter how many times I ring her and say don't have this meal until this time etc.

She also accused a man of attacking her a few months back, which I reported but the police were pretty sure it's the dementia.

Cleanliness has gone out the window... She's forgotten how to use the washing machine so I help her with that but I ask her to clean different rooms on different days to keep her busy but they are just getting worse.

She has slowly emptied the house throwing all sorts away clothes (she has 1 outfit that she wears every day now) /furniture/keepsakes/sentimental items (dumping them in a bush around the corner or in the public bin - she won't use her own bin at all!) Even though I ask her all the time if there is anything she wants to get rid of and I'll take it away, all I get is, no I haven't got anything to get rid of!
I have already posted about her throwing things away but she has now started throwing away food this week! I print out a day list with times on what to eat when and she ticks it off which has been working well for a good year or so but today I have found out she has crossed out meals and when I questioned her she said she has thrown it all away as she didn't want it ( I dropped off a big shop 3 days ago), plus tin opener, saucepans (and god knows what else) and when I checked today all she has is 2 tins of soup left!! She has a good appetite so it isn't that she just doesn't want to eat.

I have asked for help at a meeting today and the mental health team suggested a carer twice a week to my mum to try and ease her into it which she point blank refused very sternly (I knew she would), but they said if she is going to get aggressive about someone going in to help (which she does get verbally aggressive with me at times) then careers won't go.
What or where can I get help as I'm pretty much at breaking point.
TIA
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,301
0
@SH24 - my mother was also bipolar and was diagnosed with mixed dementia in her seventies. She died a few years ago.
These sort of behaviours are very hard to deal with. My mother also had an outfit that she wore all the time, and it was only once she went into a care home that she could be persuaded to wear a wider variety of outfits and wash regualrly.
In terms of bipolar disorder, the thing that was successful for Mummy (in terms of evening out the peaks but more often troughs of mood) was being prescribded lithium carbonate. And having someone monitor her taking it, and any other medication.
I am not saying that a drug therapy is for everyone, and lithium must be monitored by a mental health team, but in her case it worked very well.
In terms of dementia behaviour, Mummy became unsafe when she would wander, at night, despite the best efforts of my father. At that point we moved her to a care home, where she thrived.
My father is in the early stages of alzheimers, and like your Mum is adamant that he does not need any help. He won't accept carers. My view is, that we will probably have to wait for a crisis - a bad fall, some kind of public meltdown or really unsafe behaviour beofre we can put anything in place. I suspect if assessed he could put on an oscar-worthy perfromance of "nothing to see here" and would be deemed to have fluctuating capacity - therefore we could not put anything in place that he did not agree to. Of course, we don't want to force anything, but the catch 22 is his inability to understand any kind of risk or that his health has declined.
I am afraid I don't have any easy answers but I hope you find support here.