I would like to get other opinions in case I'm missing something.
My Mum isn't officially diagnosed with Dementia but is showing the signs, my Dad passed with it in 2013. She was living in her own home until last year but not coping well. She was not eating properly not caring for herself or the home and although my sister and myself tried to do as much as possible she eventually had 2 falls in the garden in mid winter and we sat and decided it would be best if we sold Mum's house and my sister would sell hers and the money pooled and sister, husband and Mum move in together. Mum agreed as long as she had her own space (fair) and sister said she could cope with my help, I live 20 miles away. Plans were made to find a house with enough space to build an annexe and any outstanding proceeds from my Mum's sale be split between sister and I as agreed by Mum (we have LPA). All that has happened, Annexe is not yet built but in planning. Problems came not surprisingly with the money. The balance worked out at £147,500 to both my sister and I. Two days before the balance was due to be paid my sister suddenly stated that she was going to withhold £47,500 from my balance as she was the one caring for Mum 24/7 and the annexe was now going to be more expensive than thought. My opinion is that the annexe is being built as an addition to their house and adding value to it and also that my sister has her full balance plus the added value to her house and is now asking for £47,500 of my balance in addition. She thinks that her 24/7 care of Mum makes that fair.
Now I am full of respect for the fact she and her husband have taken on this task but it wasn't forced on her it was her decision to do so. She and her husband knew an annexe would need to be built and it was never discussed that they expected my half of the balance to pay for that in lieu of the care they provide. We have a strong relationship or at least did have now things are very tense as she thinks I'm a money grabbing B and I think she is being unreasonable to expect to take her share and 1/3 of mine to build something that adds value to her house and I see no return for other than the fact that my Mum is safe and cared for. Because of our strong relationship we did not see the need to get solicitors involved and none of this is in writing (stupid I know).
Any thoughts from anyone outside of this situation would be good to hear, how do we move forward and keep our relationship intact ?
My Mum isn't officially diagnosed with Dementia but is showing the signs, my Dad passed with it in 2013. She was living in her own home until last year but not coping well. She was not eating properly not caring for herself or the home and although my sister and myself tried to do as much as possible she eventually had 2 falls in the garden in mid winter and we sat and decided it would be best if we sold Mum's house and my sister would sell hers and the money pooled and sister, husband and Mum move in together. Mum agreed as long as she had her own space (fair) and sister said she could cope with my help, I live 20 miles away. Plans were made to find a house with enough space to build an annexe and any outstanding proceeds from my Mum's sale be split between sister and I as agreed by Mum (we have LPA). All that has happened, Annexe is not yet built but in planning. Problems came not surprisingly with the money. The balance worked out at £147,500 to both my sister and I. Two days before the balance was due to be paid my sister suddenly stated that she was going to withhold £47,500 from my balance as she was the one caring for Mum 24/7 and the annexe was now going to be more expensive than thought. My opinion is that the annexe is being built as an addition to their house and adding value to it and also that my sister has her full balance plus the added value to her house and is now asking for £47,500 of my balance in addition. She thinks that her 24/7 care of Mum makes that fair.
Now I am full of respect for the fact she and her husband have taken on this task but it wasn't forced on her it was her decision to do so. She and her husband knew an annexe would need to be built and it was never discussed that they expected my half of the balance to pay for that in lieu of the care they provide. We have a strong relationship or at least did have now things are very tense as she thinks I'm a money grabbing B and I think she is being unreasonable to expect to take her share and 1/3 of mine to build something that adds value to her house and I see no return for other than the fact that my Mum is safe and cared for. Because of our strong relationship we did not see the need to get solicitors involved and none of this is in writing (stupid I know).
Any thoughts from anyone outside of this situation would be good to hear, how do we move forward and keep our relationship intact ?