Mom still in hospital

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sooty, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. sooty

    sooty Registered User

    Feb 17, 2007
    50
    Nova Scotia Canada
    In my last post Monday Mom had had a fall and admitted to hospital . She is still there and they are getting rid of a chest infection with antibiotics. She is very confused and believes she is in an hotel being served food and its lovely and that the other patients are guests. She is waiting for her mother to visit who died in 1981. The nurse says that they will begin to see about her having had another stroke next week after the infection is gone and they have done tests on her heart and then the social worker will advise. Friend who have called me in Canada say she looks good is very happy asking for 40000 pounds loves the hotel but very very confused and they say she must have had a stroke-some are distressed at the sudden change. If the social worker tells me that care at home is not possible now will she be transferred directly to a nursing home or will they send her home with an increasd package to wait her turn? I know I will be over next week tothe Uk to deal with this . Her lovely carer is going in with clothes etc and will take on more but not 24 hours. Thank you Skye for your help with the s/w . She rang me and said she would make sure all the assesments are done and she would liase withe hospital s/w. All friends tell me Mom is getting excellent care and hospital is the best place. She does recognize them. This is a big turn for the worse for me. Sooty
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sooty,

    I know it's upsetting for you, but hospital really is the best place for your mum at the moment. It sounds as if she is quite happy there, which is an added blessing.

    I'm sure the hospital will keep her now till you come over, and then it will be up to you to decide with the SW whether your mum will be able to manage or whether she needs 24 hour care.

    They won't send her home if it is decided she needs a NH, they will keep her in hospital until a suitable NH place is available. You will be able to look at some while you are over, and hopefully find one you like that has a place. Given that you are so far away, that might be the best option. Your mum will be safe and well looked after, and that will be easier for you. As she is so happy in hospital, it also sounds as if that is what she would like.

    Don't be too sad, it was inevitable that this time would come, and honestly, it will be such a relief for you.

    Love,
     
  3. sooty

    sooty Registered User

    Feb 17, 2007
    50
    Nova Scotia Canada
    You are right Skye. I just hate the thought of going home to our house and selling it and there are so many memories ofr both of us there, so many things. I can't think of not going in and not her there to meet me. Will they give me time to register the POA which wil take a while, and then to sell it, which again may take a while. I hope there is no deadline. Mom has a very good company pension from my stepfather that will certainly go a long long way to paying for the NH. Sooty
     
  4. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Sooty,
    I can only lend my support as I am not sure how the system works. I am sorry to hear about your mum but glad that she is settled in the hospital, that must be a huge relief. You are very fortunate to have such caring friends looking out for your mum. I hope that everything goes OK for your mum and that you can sort things out when you arrive without much stress. Safe Trip, Regards Taffy.
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sooty, as I understand it (and I'm no expert, never having been in that position), if your mom goes into a NH, the local authority will put a charge on the house, so that they will pay any fees owing until the house is sold, and then you will have to pay it back. As far as I know there is no time limit for this.

    So that shouldn't be a problem, and your mom could go straight into a NH, provided you find one that you like, and which has a place.
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    As Hazel says, theoretically the LA should be prepared to allow the charges for the NH to accrue against the house. However, I have read that they do not HAVE to do this, and it is decided on a case by case basis in some local authorities.

    Also, theoretically, they should transfer her directly to a NH should that be the most appropriate placement. I should warn you, however, that once you are on the ground there, they may well try to discharge her to your care - been there, done that. Also, assuming that Canadian hospitals are similar to US hospitals, you may find an NHS hospital a bit of a shock, which may mean that you are vulnerable to the pressure to remove her (I've been THERE as well). It's obviously up to you, but if you feel a nursing home is the best solution, you may have to be hard hearted about this - if you do succumb to pressure to remove her, you may well find that once out of the hospital you are left, as a self-funder, to find your own way with little or no assistance.

    When I was in this situation, I simply couldn't wait to remove her from the hospital, but in my mother's case she was desperately unhappy there, and I also did not feel she was receiving half-way adequate care. Your mother's situation may be different.

    best wishes
     
  7. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Sooty

    I was in this position 4 years back when my Mum was admitted to hospital as an emergency. In her hopsital in Scotland once her immediate medical and surgical needs were dealt with she was transferred to a rehabilitation ward for intensive physio etc and after a couple of weeks there was assessed by the hospital social worker and medics at the multi-disciplinary meeting to decide on the level of care required out with hospital.

    At this point it was decided that my Mother required Nursing Care. As she was self funding we were advised to contact homes (were given a list) and we spoke to people whose relatives had been in various homes. Once we had chosen the Nursing Home she was admitted directly from the hopsital to the Nursing Home.

    We were lucky in that she had enough capital to fund her stay for a couple of years but after about 6 months we started to prepare her house for the market. I know that there is interim funding available from many Scottish councils and I am aware of situations when the house in the only capital that they have in the pasted funded residents for twelve weeks. It is probably worth talking to social services.

    I am not sure if I have the right end of the stick or not but I am assuming that you are only coming for a visit and if so you may find it easier if a care home option is preferred as you may, if places are available, be able to see your Mum settled plus know that, once home, your Mum has good 24 hour care which relieves a little of the stress. It also sounds as though your Mum likes the hospital which would hopefully transfer to a Nursing Home too. My Mum in the early days thought the Nursing Home was a hotel which was great!

    Good Luck

    (((((Hugs))))

    Mameeskye
     
  8. sooty

    sooty Registered User

    Feb 17, 2007
    50
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Mom in hospital update

    Today I spent a long time on phones trying to get hold of a doctor in the Uk to ask about test results etc, and advise on going over to the Uk and what to do as I was told today Mom is fine. (she is not). No one would give me any answers because of confidentiality only to a relative in the Uk . I explained there was no one else but me. Eventually the PALS person contacted someone and I have a 10.00am conference meeting with her doctors on Tuesday,which is something special they will do. They are going to advise me on action to take. I am very relieved now this will happen. I said to the lady 'Mom cannot give her permission for them to talk to me'. She thinks her mother is coming(who died in 1981) I know she said. 'Something has gone very wrong with her mind' I said 'Yes' she replied. If they say a nursing home I shall take your advice and ask they find a place before she goes out of the hospital. She is having very good care and is very happy there say her friends and I do understand they cannot give test results over the phone, but I have gone from hearing blood infection, chest infection, fine, and confused, to we will deal with the confusion and her mind next week.
    I would love her to come home but do not want her home for a month and have to go through this again. I can stay as long as it takes to get her settled.
     
  9. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    I will say this: no one ever gave me any hassle about revealing test results, even though I was out of the country, although I also was told "she's fine" when she obviously wasn't. I also found PALS very helpful.
     
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    I think you're absolutely right about this. When I was debating whether to bring John home from hospital, I was told that I definitely wouldn't be able to cope. Then he's be back into hospital, then to a NH. All very much more disturbing for both of us than a direct transfer.

    I know you want to care for your mom, but it's not always the best or kindest thing.

    It's great that you can stay until she's settled.

    Good luck with the conference call.

    Love,
     

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