1. jasperty

    jasperty Registered User

    Jul 24, 2006
    West Midlands
    Mom went into care home 12 days ago, settled well first three days and then she started wandering during the night and went from using a walking stick to a frame to wheelchair within three days, the home called in the doctor as they were worried. The doctor was a new doctor for mom as she has moved areas, he phoned me from the home to ask about moms history and if I had seen her like this before, as she was completely out of it, could not stand or communicate very well, I told him I had seen her like it while she was inhospital after she had been wandering and the staff said she was completely worn out and also she had a urine infection. He was conerned that she may have had a stroke, but did feel her breathing was laboured and she may have a chest infection and put her on a course of antibiotics and said we should know within 24 hrs, fortunately, she is alot better now and is back to walking with a stick, although still confused and thinks she is on holiday and I have left her there, she told my daughter.

    She is still wandering at night and the care home are asking the doctor for a sleeping pill on my suggestion, as this is what they did at the hospital. Saw her this morning, confused, but asked me to take her to my house and bring her back later. She also became incontinent when she went into the home, had also been incontinent while in hospital, which seemed to be related to the infection.

    I am finding it very difficult, keep feeling I have put her in the home to die. She is only in a home a few houses down the road from me so I can drop in regularly, but feel I should not go every day. I don't know really, she seems to forget who has been the previous day.

    The only bright thing is my daughters new baby three weeks old now, have taken her to see mom a couple of times.

    Thanks for listening.

    Thanks Nada managed to find out what I was doing wrong with the thread.

  2. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hiya Patl

    Like many of us, its very hard to brush the guilt monster off your shoulder when a loved one moves into a NH. But honestly what is the alternative.

    My mum moved on the 25 September, and yes, I still on occasions feel guilty. Then I have to give myself a good talking to, mum is in the very best place for her, the staff are looking after mum 24/7 far better that I could ever hope to. I would suggest that even if your mum didnt have any kind of infection, she would possibly be a little confused with her new home, I know my mum was. But trust me it does get better, not only for mum, but for you and your family too.

    I was advised by the NH staff to stay away for a little while because mum used to become so agitated after my visits, they also told me not to visit on a set day, again it can cause agitation etc if for some reason you cannot make it. For the first few weeks mum was a total nightmare, she drove the staff nuts, but she has settled well now (although totally different story when I visit), but I phone regularly to see how she is doing, and she is fine.

    Take it day by day Patl, and begin if you can to enjoy the comfort that your mum is now safe.
    Best wishes
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Jasperty
    Pleased to hear that mum is settling into her new home - moving house is always traumatic - even when we are in the best of health. The good thing is that you know that in her new home she is safe, warm and well cared for, and you are nearby so you can visit as you wish. I know that if my mum was down the road I would be popping in. As long as your visits don't upset mum - visit as you feel like it - there is no right and wrong, it is your relationship with your mum. You have not 'put her in the home' and closed the front door with a resounding bang - you are still wanting to share time with her- so brush that guilt monster off your shoulder!
    Love Helen

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