Moaning yet again

[annais]

I hesitate before writing as I feel ashamed about moaning yet again about coping with my husband's AD.
I am grateful he can wash and dress himself and is able to walk to the nearby shops without getting lost. Sleep walking is a problem at night, which in some ways is my fault forgetting to remove all keys from doors last thing at night. Failing to do this , will result in a phone call from the police, to say they have found my husband wandering down the road in his pajamas. I try very hard to keep him happy. He is so alone, has no friends and said he doesn't want any, or go anywhere. I feel very lonely when there is no conversation. When he does speak he will accuse me of something, and try and start and argument.
I know my problems are feeble compared to other peoples stories on this page, which are very upsetting, that I fear for the future. My whole well being at the moment seems to be consumed by this awful illness that I cannot move on. It seems I have the diagnosis, not my husband.
Forgive me, I suppose I am tired and unable to unload on my family who have enough problems of their own
Annais

 

[Aquamanda]

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. It sounds as if you are becoming quite depressed over this which is not at all surprising. I know your family have their own problems but would any of them give you a break from time to time just so you can have a few hours to yourself? Maybe one of them could stay with your husband for a few hours and you could do some child care or something for them in return? Or do you have any friends who would come to sit with your husband so that you could do something else? Even if he has no friends and says he doesn't want any, is there any way you could persuade him for both of you initially to visit a day centre together and then maybe if he did get involved in some activity and enjoyed it, you might be able to leave him to go on his own? It may be that if you could only persuade him to do something, he would also be a bit more positive which would help you, too.

 

[Shash7677]

Hi Annais, I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do. It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of though and nothing to apologise for, it's difficult dealing with things all by yourself, one way conversations can only go on for so long can't they!!!

Does your husband have a social worker at all? You could maybe contact them and ask about a befriending service, someone to come and sit with hubby whilst you have a couple of hours out. Would he agree to that do you think? Also in our area we have an Alzheimers Club, sufferers and their carers can go along, they have dominos, cards, a quiz you get lunch and endless cups of tea. It's a nice place to go an chat to other people in the same position, share stories, share journeys. Your social worker could also perhaps refer you to something similar if they run where you live. The one mum and dad went to had day trips out, evenings out and all sorts. The best thing was it was run by people from the community mental health team so they were community psychiatric nurses and admiral nurses so they knew the people who attended a backgrounds and reported back to their psychiatrist anything unusual or any behaviour that hadn't previously been recorded. So not only was it good as a get out of the house thing it was also great as it was an extra pair of eyes on mum!!!

I hope that if they do have anything like this where you love your SW will refer you and hubby would agree to go. It sounds like you need a bit of a release?

Take care and keep posting,
Sharon ))

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hi Annais, and welcome to Talking Point.

Please don't feel that your own problems are not as important or severe as other people's. If there is an issue that is bothering you, upsetting you and causing you anxiety and depression then it is every bit as valid as anyone else's.

I know it can be very upsetting reading some of the situations on here, but please take heart because not everything will that's written about will automatically happen to your husband, and his progression may be slower or completely different from other people's.

I am the world's worst for thinking about the future and worrying myself silly about what might be to come. My dad, on the other hand, has the philosophy of 'one day at a time', and I think this helps him to cope.

Do keep posting because I'm sure it will help you.

x

 

[chridgets]

Hi Annais,
I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment. This is a terrible disease no matter what stage the person is in. I understand the loneliness. I often feel that as well. I have some activities that are important for me to continue so that I can continue to be involved in the world. I am in the process of making a list of times when I need someone to be with my partner while I am involved in something else. We don't have any family living close by but we have many friends who are offering to help. They will be people Bridget knows. For some of them it will only be once a month, so not a big commitment. I don't know if anything like this might work for you. Just an idea.

 

[annais]

Thank you Aquamanda, Shash 7677,College Girl, and Chrisgets for your kind response and advice. Your replies have made me realise I do need help, one cannot make this journey alone.
I attend the local Alzheimer's Society meeting which are very informative. My husband refuses to come with me saying there is nothing wrong with him. We are due a memory assessment this month, and I will ask at this appointment to be referred to Adult Services for their ideas on how they can help us both.
Thank you for lisening
Annais

 

[Scarlett123]

Thank you Aquamanda, Shash 7677,College Girl, and Chrisgets for your kind response and advice. Your replies have made me realise I do need help, one cannot make this journey alone.
I attend the local Alzheimer's Society meeting which are very informative. My husband refuses to come with me saying there is nothing wrong with him. We are due a memory assessment this month, and I will ask at this appointment to be referred to Adult Services for their ideas on how they can help us both.
Thank you for lisening
Annais

Show me a carer who doesn't feel like you at times, and I'll show you a saint - or a fibber! I find myself drowning in it all at times, and it is a lonely life. But don't apologise for feeling the way you do, ever. That's where TP is so invaluable.

John had a heart attack in September, to add to all our problems, and also got out in the night, but I now feel thrilled - because Adult Social Care fitted a sensor yesterday. I've put a sticky label over the On/Off switch, and had it set as high as possible, so that John cannot reach it.

I can get through to the switchboard at the touch of a button on control, I've set the switch to be on from 9 pm to 7 am, but I can over-ride it. I feel like I've won the lottery! Take care, and don't worry about having a moan - I've had loads, and a kind word from other posters goes such a long way.

 

[Noorza]

I hesitate before writing as I feel ashamed about moaning yet again about coping with my husband's AD.
I am grateful he can wash and dress himself and is able to walk to the nearby shops without getting lost. Sleep walking is a problem at night, which in some ways is my fault forgetting to remove all keys from doors last thing at night. Failing to do this , will result in a phone call from the police, to say they have found my husband wandering down the road in his pajamas. I try very hard to keep him happy. He is so alone, has no friends and said he doesn't want any, or go anywhere. I feel very lonely when there is no conversation. When he does speak he will accuse me of something, and try and start and argument.
I know my problems are feeble compared to other peoples stories on this page, which are very upsetting, that I fear for the future. My whole well being at the moment seems to be consumed by this awful illness that I cannot move on. It seems I have the diagnosis, not my husband.
Forgive me, I suppose I am tired and unable to unload on my family who have enough problems of their own
Annais

Annais, they are not feeble, they are valid. I find it hard to cope and I don't live with Mum and she's more capable at the moment than your husband. Please don't beat yourself up, you don't deserve it.


Have you had a carer's assessment and if so is it time for that to be reviewed?

 

[Varandas]

Moaning yet again

Forgive me, I suppose I am tired and unable to unload on my family who have enough problems of their own
Annais

Hello Annais,
It's been said before. Don't apologize for feeling this way. No one can cope alone with this dreadful illness. You can always 'moan' here and you'll find the support you need.
You need help in order to continue helping your husband.
Look after yourself and I join all the others members sending you a big hug.
Courage my friend

 

[Scarlett123]

I was settling down to "watch" X-factor, whilst doing a crossword, as John had gone to bed - much too early I thought. Sure enough he woke about an hour ago, asking what time we were going out, and were the "girls next door" (age 96 and 92) coming in to help me with the counterpane first???

I said it was nearly 9 at night, and he insisted it was morning and he'd like some toast. He then criticised the fact that the toast wasn't the right shape and he preferred "round" bread and could I buy this in future. I said I'd do my best.

He then had a long conversation with me about his planned meetings with David Cameron to discuss the economy. I just murmured in the right places, and when he asked if I wanted to come with, I said I didn't think there'd be room for me. John insisted that there would be, so it looks like John will be advising the government soon, and I'm going as well!

 

[Varandas]

I was settling down to "watch" X-factor, whilst doing a crossword, as John had gone to bed - much too early I thought. Sure enough he woke about an hour ago, asking what time we were going out, and were the "girls next door" (age 96 and 92) coming in to help me with the counterpane first???

I said it was nearly 9 at night, and he insisted it was morning and he'd like some toast. He then criticised the fact that the toast wasn't the right shape and he preferred "round" bread and could I buy this in future. I said I'd do my best.

He then had a long conversation with me about his planned meetings with David Cameron to discuss the economy. I just murmured in the right places, and when he asked if I wanted to come with, I said I didn't think there'd be room for me. John insisted that there would be, so it looks like John will be advising the government soon, and I'm going as well!

Wonderful! Please put o good word on our behalf too. ...and if you find the round bread for toast, I'd like some too.
Have a good night, even though it is 9:am for some!

 

[truth24]

Love your humour.