I don't know whether to be mad or sad weak or strong. My mother's dementia is progressing right before my eyes and I don't know how to feel. She lives with me I give her total care. She is still mobile she can still eat but here lately she has developed ticks where the muscles in her face twitch and when she tries to talk her mouth twist to the side. She can't bathe or dress herself or do any of the daily hygiene routines, I do all of that. Her nose constantly runs thick mucus and she coughs while eating a lot and her chest always seems to have lots of phlegm in it. I know that it is a sure sign that she could develop pneumonia but I check her everyday to see if she has a fever. She is holding her bowels so I have to give her laxatives so it will come out on its own. She urinates on my carpet if I don't catch her to take her to the potty in time. She fights me when I'm trying to help her. Some days she is nice and some days she is mean to me. My mom thinks something is wrong with her when she poops so she holds it in and if I don't give her a laxative she gets really constipated and when she goes she cries because she doesn't know what is coming out of her bottom she thinks because she is pooping that she is sick. It has been very hard caring for her because she is my mother. I've always taken care of other people with dementia in my career but it's different it's personal feelings versus the type of care and love provided to strangers. I was sympathetic but stronger than I am with my mom. Some days I cry when I think about the old mom and to see her now is devastating. I don't know how I'm going to handle her passing. I'm trying to be strong now. I get angry because I ask WHY MY MOTHER! WHY MY FAMILY! All the training from my job could have never prepared me for this.