1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. clairedelacey

    clairedelacey Registered User

    Dec 15, 2015
    22
    Northumberland
    Hi everyone,
    I just wanted to share my desperate feeling of hopelessness and despair at this horrible down right unfair disease!!
    My Dad was taken into a home on Friday as his partner could no longer cope with him at home, we both took him there and my heart sank when we walked into the communal area and it was full of old people sat around in arm chairs, some sleeping with their mouths open and some just staring into space. I'm not sure what I expected but it was so heart breaking to take my wonderful Daddy into this situation and have to leave him there. We managed to fool him into getting out of the car and once inside he immediately protested about not wanting to be there. with that we were advised to leave him and not to visit for a few days? I've cried every night since and my mind is a mess and I just don't know how I will cope without him at Christmas. I'm also very scared about going to visit him as I'm sure he will want me to take him home, I'm not very strong in emotional situations and I will probably cry which wont help anyone.
    I'm struggling with everything and I want to be able to picture the months ahead and think happy thoughts of me taking him out for days and doing fun things with him but for now I just can't.
    I miss my Daddy and I want him back but I know that I'll never get him back!
     
  2. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    Oh my love, this was honestly me about 6 weeks ago. I'd taken dad for a much needed weeks respite. Waste of time initially as I moped about! Sadly his health has deteriorated and he couldn't return home. Heartbreaking but no choice and as the weeks have gone on and he's worsened, it's been a comfort that he has round the clock care.
    As far as the home goes, try visiting at different times of the day. Dads home is about as good as our area gets, and the staff are very busy but they know the residents well and care very much. It's not perfect but better than I could offer at this late stage.
    If you're really not happy try elsewhere? My dads first home was a huge dementia only place. It was dismal when I look back. He's in a small dementia unit in a general home now and I'm not sure if that's why but it's so different. I visit every day, I'm one of the only visitors I see most days, but it's so different in there in mornings and afternoons. Some sleep a lot, but not many, most sit happily watching the world go by, talking away. I've grown fond of a few of them tbh!!
     
  3. clairedelacey

    clairedelacey Registered User

    Dec 15, 2015
    22
    Northumberland
    Thanks for your kind reply, I'm going in to visit him tomorrow which I'm sure is going to be an emotionally charged situation, thankfully my son has agreed to go with me so if I dissolve in tears he can take over the conversation. I'll let you know how I get on. Love to you and your Dad.
    Claire xx
     
  4. Ladybird23

    Ladybird23 Registered User

    Feb 28, 2014
    130
    Hi. Just wanted to say when we went to visit my dad in his care home the staff were brilliant. Many a wet shoulder the staff had. My sister and I were given the upmost support they could give. Just hope you get the same. It is never easy. Take care.
     

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