Thanks to all for your kind comments. I write on here because I know you understand. Despite my mum being gone for a while I still come back to this forum as it's the only place I seem to get comfort.
Life is very trying and occasionally, despite me being strong and in control most of the time, I have a wobble. When I wrote what I wrote I'd just had some bad news and it tipped me over the edge, so to speak. The only thing that would've made me feel better at that point was my mum. Instead I lay on my bed and sobbed and wished she was here and thought about her smell and the comforting noises she would make when cuddling me. I miss that. I wonder if I'll ever stop missing that. You'd think at 38 and with a 7 year old daughter of my own that I'd have outgrown that need but I guess not.
I cuddled my daughter the day after when she fell and hurt herself and tears welled in my eyes as I thought about how she'd be feeling as I cuddled her. It made me happy and sad at the same time. I had to quickly pull myself together so she didn't see. She gets very upset when I cry.
Even though writing this makes me sob, it's cathartic. I think I would just break if I wasn't able to write down how I was feeling.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. It really means a lot.