Hello, I am new to the forum and having read some of the posts, am hoping that you lovely people may be able to offer some advice.
My Dad has Alzheimer's and dementia (recently diagnosed but we know he has had it for years). My sisters and I were caring for him but a long battle to be heard and him going into hospital got a knee replacement finally meant we were listened to and he was placed in a temporary care home placement just before Christmas. Hospital staff said he was not safe to go home (he lives alone) and at the time social services agreed.
In hospital, he kept trying to leave to go home and the physch doctor said he did not have capacity.
Social services visited him in the care home last week and think he does have capacity (they've met him three times and are basing their conclusion on that but we have asked for them to speak to the mental health team and take our copious notes into account so we'll see what the formal conclusion is).
Meanwhile, novelty of being somewhere new has worn off and Dad is trying to get home, very agitated, irate and asking for police to be called as he is being held against his will.
He does "present well" (SS quote) and is an intelligent chap, very lucid and says the right things. So SS have starts to say we as a family need to let him make his own bad decisions. That old chestnut - even if these include hitchhiking in the early hours, accepting lifts from strangers, letting strangers stay in his house, not eating or taking medication, etc etc!
Care home manager does not think he should go home, neither does his mental health consultant.
I would love nothing more than for him to retain his independence but in my heart I know he is not safe.
No one has told him this. He thinks he is there to convalesce after his knee op.
Anyone any experience of mental health capacity tests and also any tips on what we do/say when he says he wants to how home and becomes agitated? Care home are great but called us yesterday asking us to come in but unfortunately family presence can make the situation worse so we tactically delayed until he calmed down and even then he was verbally abusive to my sister.
We see him every day, he is our world and so dear to us. We haven't had time to grieve for this as we are so caught up in the practical but want to stop feeling like we are letting him down.
Part of me wants nothing more than to kid myself he can go home but he wasn't happy there either. And I'll admit that life has been easier since he's been at the care home, I know he is safe so the frantic calls do not lead to my sisters or I dropping everything to rush to his house to reassure him or go looking for him when he goes missing.
But he is depressed, bored and wants his home.
Apologies for long post but hoping someone may have experienced similar! Thank you.
My Dad has Alzheimer's and dementia (recently diagnosed but we know he has had it for years). My sisters and I were caring for him but a long battle to be heard and him going into hospital got a knee replacement finally meant we were listened to and he was placed in a temporary care home placement just before Christmas. Hospital staff said he was not safe to go home (he lives alone) and at the time social services agreed.
In hospital, he kept trying to leave to go home and the physch doctor said he did not have capacity.
Social services visited him in the care home last week and think he does have capacity (they've met him three times and are basing their conclusion on that but we have asked for them to speak to the mental health team and take our copious notes into account so we'll see what the formal conclusion is).
Meanwhile, novelty of being somewhere new has worn off and Dad is trying to get home, very agitated, irate and asking for police to be called as he is being held against his will.
He does "present well" (SS quote) and is an intelligent chap, very lucid and says the right things. So SS have starts to say we as a family need to let him make his own bad decisions. That old chestnut - even if these include hitchhiking in the early hours, accepting lifts from strangers, letting strangers stay in his house, not eating or taking medication, etc etc!
Care home manager does not think he should go home, neither does his mental health consultant.
I would love nothing more than for him to retain his independence but in my heart I know he is not safe.
No one has told him this. He thinks he is there to convalesce after his knee op.
Anyone any experience of mental health capacity tests and also any tips on what we do/say when he says he wants to how home and becomes agitated? Care home are great but called us yesterday asking us to come in but unfortunately family presence can make the situation worse so we tactically delayed until he calmed down and even then he was verbally abusive to my sister.
We see him every day, he is our world and so dear to us. We haven't had time to grieve for this as we are so caught up in the practical but want to stop feeling like we are letting him down.
Part of me wants nothing more than to kid myself he can go home but he wasn't happy there either. And I'll admit that life has been easier since he's been at the care home, I know he is safe so the frantic calls do not lead to my sisters or I dropping everything to rush to his house to reassure him or go looking for him when he goes missing.
But he is depressed, bored and wants his home.
Apologies for long post but hoping someone may have experienced similar! Thank you.
