Melt Down

[bulmer]

I had a melt down on Monday I'd been away for the weekend for a much needed brake,my sister came to stay with mum she lives 3 hours drive away so cant help day to day. The day I got back mum said she was canceling the carers that come in am and pm she has allready cancelled the lunch time one.My mum takes quite a few tablets per day and she was getting confused whether she had had them sometimes I fown odd ones scattered around. I burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed my sister was still here she comforted me,my mum seemes to be unable to. I feel better for it,it also showed my sister I wasnt joking when I said I wasnt coping well she had never seen me cry like that. My sister looked after my mum for 5 years untill it made her ill. my mum has been with me 3 years Both me and my sister are on anti depp.My mum as know comprimised and kept the am call.the first night the carer did'nt come to give her her tea she called me at 10 o'clock saying she was hungry because nobody had been to give her her tea. I'm also worried I m getting it seeing as it travels down the female line,my memory is shot to hell.

 

[Jo1958]

Bulmer, hi
Sometimes a break can really bring home what you having problems dealing with, I'm so glad that your sister was there to comfort and support you. Sometimes it's not a case of what the people we care for want, it's what will keep them safe and us sane. Is there any way you can look at your mum going into full time care, it sounds as if it could be time to start planning for all your futures.
My thoughts are with you as you try to find a way through for you all.
With kind regards from Jo

 

[bulmer]

Bulmer, hi
Sometimes a break can really bring home what you having problems dealing with, I'm so glad that your sister was there to comfort and support you. Sometimes it's not a case of what the people we care for want, it's what will keep them safe and us sane. Is there any way you can look at your mum going into full time care, it sounds as if it could be time to start planning for all your futures.
My thoughts are with you as you try to find a way through for you all.
With kind regards from Jo

My mum is very strong willed and would never agree to going into a home,but thankyou for your reply it means a lot to me.

 

[Resigned]

Hello Bulmer

My mum would never have agreed to going into a home either, she thought she was just fine living at home on her own doing everything!!

However, we had no choice in the end and moved her into the home without telling her in advance. She's taken a while to settle but now, she seems to be content.

Its a hard thing to contemplate and none of us could say we were happy with the decision, once made. But, sometimes its the only option. If you break down, who will care for your mum? This way, at least you can choose where she lives and visit her, knowing someone else is dealing with all the difficult bits, leaving you to get the best bits.

good luck with whatever you decide.

R

 

[DLM]

I had a melt down on Monday I'd been away for the weekend for a much needed brake,my sister came to stay with mum she lives 3 hours drive away so cant help day to day. The day I got back mum said she was canceling the carers that come in am and pm she has allready cancelled the lunch time one.
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Does she schedule her carers? Any way to leave instructions so she doesn't get left alone?
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My mum takes quite a few tablets per day and she was getting confused whether she had had them sometimes
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I have been using a plastic pill box with sections. If the section is empty the pill has been taken. I try to keep the container out of reach and dispense the ills myself.
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I'm also worried I m getting it seeing as it travels down the female line,my memory is shot to hell.
Was she diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease?

I think you must be a super woman <g> With all the stress I can't imagine your memory not being overloaded.
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Being from the States I am interested how you obtain carers for in-home help?

 

[jenniferpa]

Are you interested in what might be available in the US? Or what may be available in the UK?

 

[DLM]

Are you interested in what might be available in the US? Or what may be available in the UK?

I am learning about how carers function out side of the US. My query was to learn how you find carer's in the UK. Do you recruit and hire directly? Or are the associations or agencies that that supply aides {carers?}

State side there is emphasis on the diagnosis beyond the general label of dementia. A recent blog has been a valuable resource in my search for information [URL="http://www.alzcompend.info/")Alzheimer's Compendium[/URL]. My current project is to see how the rest of the world deals caregiving/caring for individuals with AD,

Your government structure for delivering support is quite different from ours. I am aware of the ugly American image and the perceived attitude that we think ours is the best. Like most family carers I was thrown into this job when my wife developed AD.

Thank you for your interest and prompt feedback.

DLM

 

[jenniferpa]

There are as many variations as you can imagine. Many people will find in home carers via agencies or they will hire privately. Others (if they have local authority support) may be provided with in home carers or may receive funding to hire support people.

The primary difference will be that unlike the states, where every state may have different rules, theoretically the rules for support in England are country wide. And if a person has little in the way of resources, support will be provided (again, theoretically).

I'm English, but in the US, and I have a long term care policy which will pay out in the event that I need home care at some point in the future. I'm not sure that I could buy such a thing in the UK.

 

[DLM]

There are as many variations as you can imagine. Many people will find in home carers via agencies or they will hire privately. Others (if they have local authority support) may be provided with in home carers or may receive funding to hire support people.

The primary difference will be that unlike the states, where every state may have different rules, theoretically the rules for support in England are country wide. And if a person has little in the way of resources, support will be provided (again, theoretically).

I'm English, but in the US, and I have a long term care policy which will pay out in the event that I need home care at some point in the future. I'm not sure that I could buy such a thing in the UK.

My mother was from the UK way before there were any immigration laws My father came in by way of NoviScotia. He live into his 90"s as sharp as a tack. My name is very English (something pointed out to me frequently)

 

[littlegem]

Hi Bulmer,
Sorry you are struggling. I always find it hard to adjust back into care mode when I get the 2 hours break a week. It's not long but the freedom is hard to give up again.

Your memory, I wouldn't worry too much about it as I'm the same and it's got to be stress related. I get hubby (he's got vascular dementia) to remind ME about things

Take care
x

 

[dottyd]

check your medication-I took oxybutenin and diphenhydramine and found that they are not good together-possibly even dangerous.

There was a report in one of the papers.

Luckily I had stopped the diphen . Some medecines when taken together can make you seriously forgetful which is what had happened to me-since I stopped a few months ago-my memory has got much better (by the way I am not the patient.)

I often have a meltdown when my mum meddles with everything I try to do for her.

 

[concerned1947]

Last Nov I arranged a support package for my husb whilst Iwent to my sons wedding in Australia. Whilst there I was an emotional wreck and in hindsight was not able to enjoy myself as much as I wanted to. When I returned home I could not stop crying thinking about my son, not knowing when I would be able to see him again and also having had an opportunity to be with people,away from dementia, made me realise how difficult life is. The upshot was going to the GP and getting anti depressants. My next overnight break was not until June, 7 months later, when I went to a family wedding. I made sure I enjoyed myself but once again I became very low on my return home. My husb is a very strong, controlling man and will not accept any help other than from his son who we rarely see.

 

[bulmer]

Being from the States I am interested how you obtain carers for in-home help?

We have something called social services.I contacted them they got in touch with a company called elizabeth homes that provides people that visit peoples homes to clean, prepare meals. and sit with people through the night if the person needs help in the night ie going to the toilet. My mums finaces were checked by social services and she pays what they think she can afford and they pay the rest. a good thing about the national health

 

[bulmer]

Thankyou for your support.

I really appreciate your support my heart goes out to the people who live with the person with dem/alz.at least I dont have it 24/7.xxxxxxxxxxxxx