Hi,
I'm a newcomer to this site, and have drawn strength from all of you who have contributed your personal stories. I lost my beloved Mum in Sept 2008, and despite receiving some bereavement counselling, am still struggling with coming to terms with certain aspects of her passing.
One of my main regrets is not being with her at the actual point of death. Mum survived longer than anyone had anticipated, and I think part of me thought (or hoped) that when we left that day at about 4pm, she would be still be alive the next day. I just wish we were told my the nursing home staff to hold on, as she is very likely to pass away in the next few hours. They must have known the signs. To us, and to most people, death is unchartered territory and you don't know how to deal with it; you are in such an emotional haze.
Another thing that haunts me is that because my poor Mum "started the dying process" for want of a better expression, 2 weeks before her eventual passing, we, her family, were aware it was becoming a long drawn out death and were adamant she should not be in any pain. We requested for her to be prescribed medication to ensure this was the case. As Mum had lost her ability to swallow, and we didn't want the pain of injections, a nursing relative of ours suggested a Fentalyn patch. This was taken up and (I'm told) a low doseage patch was administered. Although she was in the active stage of dying, my guilt remains over whether this was the right course of action. It is so hard to be involved in these ethical 'end of life' decisions, and I wondered if anyone else has experienced this, or something similar. I think about my Mother all the time. I know she loved me, and she knows I loved her, but I am struggling to get over these guilty feelings - I don't think I ever will.
I'm a newcomer to this site, and have drawn strength from all of you who have contributed your personal stories. I lost my beloved Mum in Sept 2008, and despite receiving some bereavement counselling, am still struggling with coming to terms with certain aspects of her passing.
One of my main regrets is not being with her at the actual point of death. Mum survived longer than anyone had anticipated, and I think part of me thought (or hoped) that when we left that day at about 4pm, she would be still be alive the next day. I just wish we were told my the nursing home staff to hold on, as she is very likely to pass away in the next few hours. They must have known the signs. To us, and to most people, death is unchartered territory and you don't know how to deal with it; you are in such an emotional haze.
Another thing that haunts me is that because my poor Mum "started the dying process" for want of a better expression, 2 weeks before her eventual passing, we, her family, were aware it was becoming a long drawn out death and were adamant she should not be in any pain. We requested for her to be prescribed medication to ensure this was the case. As Mum had lost her ability to swallow, and we didn't want the pain of injections, a nursing relative of ours suggested a Fentalyn patch. This was taken up and (I'm told) a low doseage patch was administered. Although she was in the active stage of dying, my guilt remains over whether this was the right course of action. It is so hard to be involved in these ethical 'end of life' decisions, and I wondered if anyone else has experienced this, or something similar. I think about my Mother all the time. I know she loved me, and she knows I loved her, but I am struggling to get over these guilty feelings - I don't think I ever will.