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Making a noise on the table etc

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
Its annoying that my husband drums on the table, his legs or stomach.

He gets lots of attention and care. He tinkles a tune on his mug and makes a clicking type of noise with his fingers.

The worse being banging a tune on the table, can be at home or when we could go out for a cup of tea somewhere.

I have told him this is not what we do and hold his hands sometimes to stop it. I have explained to him, so wish I could get him to stop it.

Reds
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
The problem is that the dementia destroys the brain.
Every single person is different, as to how the brain is effected.
People that have severe autism often have the need to bang walls or similar behaviours.
Explaining to him will not work.
One reason is because he likely won’t remember what you said two hours later.
Another reason is that something is happening in his brain that he likely has no real control over.
Most people with dementia go through stages, and it is likely this one will depart in it’s own time, it’s just a case of keeping your sanity until then.
Try purchasing him a twiddle blanket?
I would see if the GP can get an occupational therapist to give advice ?
But the main thing is that every time it happens you talk to yourself and say ‘ he is not doing this to annoy me, it is beyond his control, and part of an illness’.
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
Thank you very much Weasell. Helpful advice and suggestions.

I have tried to give him different things to hold, but he isn't particularly interested.

Reds
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,101
0
Kent
I never notice I twiddle my thumbs until my grandson pointed it out. Now whenever I find myself rwiddling my thumbs I think of my grandson and stop.

However annoying it is for you @Reds I doubt your husband is aware of his `drumming` and how annoying it is for you.

I agree with @Weasell. You could try finding something to keep your husband`s hands occupied. It might help, but then again might not.

We can only try.

 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
Good to hear from you by the way Grannie G. Hope you ok.

Thank you, as having an understanding reply, obviously helps. Its hard to bear that he can't behave in a way we know, especially when its every day.

Reds
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
Thank you very much Weasell. Helpful advice and suggestions.

I have tried to give him different things to hold, but he isn't particularly interested.

Reds
I don’t know if this will help , but it would help me ?
Some dementias manifest by picking and scratching, nails and skin. So they pick and the wound becomes infected, then they pick off the same scab and the pus that is underneath it needs cleaning off! And they pick and they pick and they pick!

So every time he is being annoying I would definitely think ‘ It could be worse, he is an angel really’?
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,374
0
High Peak
I think dementia is 'the disease of annoying habits'! Whether it's drumming on the table, asking the same questions over and over, inappropriate 'tidying' or hiding things or doing any of the things you've begged them not to.

One of mum's habits was destroying handbags. I had a supply of cheap identical ones so I could replace them when she'd pulled the straps and zips off, ripped out the lining and turned the thing inside out. (Because 'that's how we all have them. Don't you?') But the (harmless) one that absolutely drove me barmy was her asking me every 5 minutes: 'So, did you have a nice Christmas?'
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
He does do the scratching thing too! Makes terrible marks, I have to take his hands away sometimes as he does it so hard! Yes its all annoying but see what you mean its putting it all into perspective!

Kind of you to replace the handbags!

Its good to have a chat about it, thank you everyone. I always wish to try and solve things but as you say asking him not to doesn't stop it.

Thank you, Reds
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
79
0
I suppose if they can’t change their behaviour then we have to change ours. I’m very sensitive to noise and the constantly clicking fingernails drive me nuts. They get louder and louder until all I can hear is click, Click, CLICK, CLICK... at which point I have to leave the room or put the kettle on or (on a bad day) ask them to stop their infernal clicking!

From now on I’ll make an effort to try and change my reaction to the noise but if anybody already has a technique that works, do let us know! I’m all ears.
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
Thank you for reply DreamsAreReal. Yes my husband does that, I try to tolerate it but end having to ask him to stop which often he does but only for a couple of mins or so!

It feels like its for attention but think he is doing it sometimes without even realising. Its annoying when I want to listen to the news or something or doing the food order, read, think etc.

Reds
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
306
0
My OH whistles under his breath, not quite a whistle but not a hum, and it’s the same few notes all the time. It’s like Gaelic mouth music which makes sense since he comes from Lewis, but sometimes it just like Tinnitus, now you hear it and now you don’t. But better that than some.
 

Dunroamin

Registered User
May 5, 2019
74
0
UK
AS a PWD who still has some insight .......... I often find myself twiddling my fingers in what I: know is (to others) annoying) but I am unaware I have been doing it . Just another thing on my particular journey
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
597
0
Hertfordshire
Thank you for the replies.

My husband is still at times drumming on the table and clicking his fingers.

It is better if something is of interest to him, particularly on the tv and also I probably don't notice it so much if there is other noise.

He doesn't like it if I tell him not to keep making a tinkering noise on his mug, makes him unhappy so I try not to but find I have to say something sometimes!

I think that of all the things to enjoy and he wants to make tapping noises! That's how it feels to me but know it is how he is!

Reds