Hello all, great forum, invaluable info, unpleasant topic & where to start:
I gave up work about 15 years ago when dad died in his property in Spain to help mum (they were separated) go back & forth to sort things out. Since things moved into the digital age I took control of a lot of mums affairs & have been an unpaid voluntary carer, doing almost everything from nursing her after knee ops, being gardener, plumber electrician, investor, accountant etc etc. She has a daughter, my sister, whom she fell out with (as did I) back in the mid 90’s who she hasn’t seen or spoken to since, only when trying to see the grandchildren via solicitors which wasn’t a great success. Over the years with her trust issues, she has fallen out with friends & trades people & when the grandchildren were older & visited she eventually fell out with them too, accusing them of damaging & stealing things, which in the case of one was probably true when he stayed with her for over a year in 2012. Even though we are both very independent we have/had a very good relationship as everything I have done is for her best interests but over the last few years I have noticed a few character changes in mum which I originally put down to ageing - being depressed, negative, feeling people are against her, less active, it has been pretty draining. Mum isn’t the tidiest & a bit of a hoarder with boxes in rooms unopened for years. I was due to stay with her over Xmas for 3 months to help out & thought everything was going well but in the new year out of the blue she accused me of wanting her cremated (her Will states burial), which I told her was totally untrue - I noticed this seemed to coincide with the millions of cremation ads on TV. The atmosphere was frosty but cordial for the next week or 2 but then she accused me of moving & hiding things to make her think she was going mad, going through her papers, picking stones out of rings & other such stuff. When I confronted her over this she would say I wanted her to have a stroke or heart attack to shut the conversation down, then a few days later who I thought were the police at the time but probably were social services (I was in total shock) turned up at the door saying they were concerned about my mother, they came in, quizzed me a bit, told me that she said I was encouraging her to take pills, putting paracetamol in her teas, stopping her from leaving the house & changing her Will (which they asked for a copy of & put in mums room) & that she felt unsafe with me in the house & asked me to leave the home which I duly did. A few days later I went round to mums to collect a few things as she wasn‘t answering my calls, she told me from the top window I wasn’t to come round, had cut her up & let her down & became very agitated & stressed & said that I had changed her Will. I sadly have not seen or spoken to her since. I saw a great page on this site re paranoia & IMO this is totally what she is suffering from. I went to her GP’s a few days later to make them aware of the situation as I was very worried about her, they photocopied both LPA’s which I am sole attorney on, I also wrote to the doctor who was due to access her who wrote back to say she had noted my concerns but could not discuss the case with me without proving I had LPA, I replied straight away saying they had photocopied it but I have not heard anything since, now over 2 weeks ago. According to a 3rd party, I believe she has had a dementia screening, she has told them I want her dead, been bugging her phone & various other unpleasantries & has a safeguarding referral going through, though I’m not too sure what that is, she also asked them not to discuss her issues with me, so would this override the LPA as no illness has been confirmed as of yet, if at all? She has now contacted the ex son in law & the grandchildren whom she disowned & not seen for years (probably blaming everything on me) to help with the shopping (which is good), but she is now going to write me as a beneficiary out of her will (made 2019) to benefit the grandchildren more, of course this is her entitlement but I fear they may be taking advantage of a vulnerable person, I thought the son in law may have contacted me to ask what was going on, I can’t contact him as mum will know who is informing me, she is not stupid & I can’t risk that. I also fear she may try & remove me from the LPA’s, I just hope OPG & will writers do a mental capacity check but this could all be too late for me if she is moving faster than the medical profession & with guidance from the ex son in law. Mum is 83, her health & welfare are paramount to me, alone, scared & with no one really to trust, it is extremely sad for me to see how this has gone, I often feel physically sick & wonder if I should have seen this all coming, I am not doing this for mercenary reasons but could someone please advice or point me in the right direction regarding the Will & LPA situation?
Kind Regards
Zim
I gave up work about 15 years ago when dad died in his property in Spain to help mum (they were separated) go back & forth to sort things out. Since things moved into the digital age I took control of a lot of mums affairs & have been an unpaid voluntary carer, doing almost everything from nursing her after knee ops, being gardener, plumber electrician, investor, accountant etc etc. She has a daughter, my sister, whom she fell out with (as did I) back in the mid 90’s who she hasn’t seen or spoken to since, only when trying to see the grandchildren via solicitors which wasn’t a great success. Over the years with her trust issues, she has fallen out with friends & trades people & when the grandchildren were older & visited she eventually fell out with them too, accusing them of damaging & stealing things, which in the case of one was probably true when he stayed with her for over a year in 2012. Even though we are both very independent we have/had a very good relationship as everything I have done is for her best interests but over the last few years I have noticed a few character changes in mum which I originally put down to ageing - being depressed, negative, feeling people are against her, less active, it has been pretty draining. Mum isn’t the tidiest & a bit of a hoarder with boxes in rooms unopened for years. I was due to stay with her over Xmas for 3 months to help out & thought everything was going well but in the new year out of the blue she accused me of wanting her cremated (her Will states burial), which I told her was totally untrue - I noticed this seemed to coincide with the millions of cremation ads on TV. The atmosphere was frosty but cordial for the next week or 2 but then she accused me of moving & hiding things to make her think she was going mad, going through her papers, picking stones out of rings & other such stuff. When I confronted her over this she would say I wanted her to have a stroke or heart attack to shut the conversation down, then a few days later who I thought were the police at the time but probably were social services (I was in total shock) turned up at the door saying they were concerned about my mother, they came in, quizzed me a bit, told me that she said I was encouraging her to take pills, putting paracetamol in her teas, stopping her from leaving the house & changing her Will (which they asked for a copy of & put in mums room) & that she felt unsafe with me in the house & asked me to leave the home which I duly did. A few days later I went round to mums to collect a few things as she wasn‘t answering my calls, she told me from the top window I wasn’t to come round, had cut her up & let her down & became very agitated & stressed & said that I had changed her Will. I sadly have not seen or spoken to her since. I saw a great page on this site re paranoia & IMO this is totally what she is suffering from. I went to her GP’s a few days later to make them aware of the situation as I was very worried about her, they photocopied both LPA’s which I am sole attorney on, I also wrote to the doctor who was due to access her who wrote back to say she had noted my concerns but could not discuss the case with me without proving I had LPA, I replied straight away saying they had photocopied it but I have not heard anything since, now over 2 weeks ago. According to a 3rd party, I believe she has had a dementia screening, she has told them I want her dead, been bugging her phone & various other unpleasantries & has a safeguarding referral going through, though I’m not too sure what that is, she also asked them not to discuss her issues with me, so would this override the LPA as no illness has been confirmed as of yet, if at all? She has now contacted the ex son in law & the grandchildren whom she disowned & not seen for years (probably blaming everything on me) to help with the shopping (which is good), but she is now going to write me as a beneficiary out of her will (made 2019) to benefit the grandchildren more, of course this is her entitlement but I fear they may be taking advantage of a vulnerable person, I thought the son in law may have contacted me to ask what was going on, I can’t contact him as mum will know who is informing me, she is not stupid & I can’t risk that. I also fear she may try & remove me from the LPA’s, I just hope OPG & will writers do a mental capacity check but this could all be too late for me if she is moving faster than the medical profession & with guidance from the ex son in law. Mum is 83, her health & welfare are paramount to me, alone, scared & with no one really to trust, it is extremely sad for me to see how this has gone, I often feel physically sick & wonder if I should have seen this all coming, I am not doing this for mercenary reasons but could someone please advice or point me in the right direction regarding the Will & LPA situation?
Kind Regards
Zim
