Lovely!!! Sometimes step dad

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by 99purdy, Apr 4, 2015.

  1. 99purdy

    99purdy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2014
    Hi everybody, feel really miffed. Stepdad has been in nursing just over 12 months. It was a sudden illness, really upset by it. Been by the side of 'Dad' for over 12 months. We have sorted out nursing home, fantastic, been in hospital for 3 weeks, stayed all night and twice a week visiting at NH. Dad has been a permanent fixture in my life, Stayed at my house every Xmas and Easter. Visited twice a week. Loved my children like his own. Before his illness ( approx 5 years prior) named me as next as kin, executor of will etc.. My Mum and him were together over 25 years. She died approx 17 years ago and since then I have looked after him like my own father. Spending all night at hospital when he was ill etc. Step forward nephew?? Never met him in over 40 years. He has visited nh claiming Dad talks to him, doubt it very much only just recognises me!!! Nh raised concerns. He said I am not blood relative/proper daughter!! So annoyed how dare he. I have been with Dad every step of the way, meeting SS, arranging NH, visiting every week etc. How dare he so very, very annoyed. NH very supportive, don't want to stop visits but really annoyed. Where do these people come from are they expecting a payoff??
  2. 99purdy

    99purdy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2014
    I forgot to mention have been totally honest with everybody, NH,SS that I am Stepdaughter, even though parents not married. Dad treated myself,and sister plus estranged daughter as equal. X
  3. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    #3 lin1, Apr 5, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2015
    A big ((((((HUG))))))
    I would be hopping mad too. How very much dare he.

    That nephew sounds a nice piece of work , personally I would furnish him with as little important info as possible. Your Dad named you as next of kin, Executor ect rather than that Nephew because he obviously loved and trusted you and though I have never met you , I can honestly say, I believe your Dad made the right decisions.

    Try not to let this er person get under your skin ,he is not worth the energy .

    Are his visits upsetting your Dad it sounds like they may be as the nh has raised concerns.
    I suggest you speak to the manager to see what can be done.
    Speaking personally , I would be thinking seriously of preventing his visits or only allowing supervised visits To prevent Dad from being distressed.
  4. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Has your dad officially lost mental capacity and you have PoA? Might be worth telling nephew if so. Somehow doubt he'd be visiting again.
  5. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    When people come out of the woodwork like this, there often seem to be £ signs at the bottom of it. Their brains have often apparently done a simple equation, i.e. Dementia = possibility of wangling cash out of them, or getting them to change their Will.

    I would hope that both of these are impossible in your dad's case. And I would hope that this is not the nephew's motive but sadly one has to be so careful where dementia is involved and there are so many unscrupulous people about.

    If any cash-wangling is out of the ?, and if your dad seems to enjoy his visits, there is no harm. But if you have suspicions, or the visits upset or agitate him at all, I would have no hesitation in asking the care home to refuse admission.

    My mother would be very easily agitated or irritated by strangers, or people she perceived as strangers, and for this reason I dissuaded a niece visiting from Canada from seeing her. It had been at least 15 years since they'd met - my mother wouldn't have had a clue who she was, and TBH wouldn't particularly have wanted to see her even pre dementia, not that I told the niece that!
  6. 99purdy

    99purdy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2014
    Hi everyone, thank you all for your comments. Dad lost capacity suddenly when he became ill. We are in the process of COP as he had started LPOA but was taken suddenly ill. We started the process previously but put on hold as he was suddenly admitted to hospital and not expected to survive. He did though and is now back at the NH. He did qualify for CHC immediately after leaving hospital. No money is required, so to speak. However I pay for clothes, chiropodist, hairdresser, toiletries, treats, and leave a float at the NH for him. I look after his house, clean, do the garden. I have also paid for tree surgeon to lop dangerous trees, after one blew over on neighbours shed. His money is all well looked after and can be only accessed by myself. I wouldn't touch it though until it was official and I will make sure nobody else does, it's his money and may be needed for his care at a later stage. This Nephew suddenly turns up, after 40 years, and has the cheek to say I am not his real daughter. I may not be but will make sure he is well looked after and not ripped off until the every end. Thank you agin for your kind comments. X
  7. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    I would be very suspicious about this guy, Nephew or not - horrible man

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