Lost Mum two months ago. Struggling to talk to her.

[alelu1]

Dear all,
I lost my mum two months ago, but she had been in a home for 8 years so really I lost her a long time ago. I saw her the day before she died, and she was on great form. I fed her lunch, she giggled away and had her chiropodist sort her toes! I left feeling upbeat, even though she didn’t know who I was, and I hadn’t been able to converse for many many years. I obviously cried when she died, but then went into organisational mode. After the funeral it hit me like a tonne of bricks and I then took a week off to grieve properly. I finally buried my mum’s ashes next to my dad’s yesterday. my problem is I can’t seem to talk to my mum like I have done my dad for years. And that is solely because for the last 8 years I haven’t been able to have a proper conversation with my Mum. Has anyone else been in this situation? Does it become easier? At the age of 44 I am feeling a little lost without either of my parents xx

 

[canary]

After mum died I felt numb and lost in a twilight land for many months.
You are still in the early days of grieving. I am here about 18 months later and Im only now beginning to feel that I can remember the good times. I posted about it on here as I felt that it was all wrong that I could not cry and I was told that everyone grieves in their own way. I would also add that every bereavement is grieved over in a different way, even by the same person. There is no right or wrong way. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Jessbow]

I still talk to my late dad far more than I do my late mum, possibly because , like you, sensible conversations with Mum hadn't happened for some years.

I dont worry about it now - and that ''little me'' thinks Dad will tell mum now anyway

 

[Amethyst59]

It is very early days for you. It took me ...well, I was going to say quite a few months, but actually it was a good couple of years before I could remember good times with my husband, and forget his illness. But, it is different for everyone. What I will say is...I think it will come...you will remember the good times and take comfort from your memories.

 

[marmarlade]

It is very early days for you. It took me ...well, I was going to say quite a few months, but actually it was a good couple of years before I could remember good times with my husband, and forget his illness. But, it is different for everyone. What I will say is...I think it will come...you will remember the good times and take comfort from your memories.

my hubby has been gone for 19 months and I,m only just remembering nice memories at first I could only think about his last days at home ,before going into care,then the not so nice times he had in care,but now at times I think well we did that,so it will come . this week I have my sister in laws funeral to go to and I cannot get it in my head I havent got to get hubby ready to go with me, i,m sure it will pass ,but these things for us take time be strong take care

 

[marionq]

I Am inclined to believe that when someone dies prematurely you still feel a close contact with them spiritually. Conversely when a person has come to the end of a life either because they are very old or have had a long illness I feel their spirit is glad to go wherever our life forces go. The expression Rest in Peace fits the latter. I had a close relationship with my mother and think about her every day but when she died that was it - she was glad to go.

 

[Jasmine123]

This is something that I am always thinking about. My mum died two and a half years and I have never been able to have a conservation with her or even imagine how I would be able to have a conversation with her. I still can't think of her as she was before she became ill. I hope that with time I will but I feel she was ill for so long I can't help but think I may not ever remember the mother of my childhood.