Lost it

[Moyra C]

I am sitting on sofa so mad at Oh and so mad at me.
Lots of different things happened today. He likes to go out several walks in village picking up everybodies rubbish. He wears splints in both feet and walks with a stick. He has had several falls over the past few months I say falls. I think he leans over to pick something up loses balance and sinks. To date he has had no injuries. He just can’t get himself up. If I go a walk with him I won’t let him pick up rubbish and when we get home he wants to go again on his own straight away.
Today he has come home trousers soaked despite wearing a pull up. Then on his walk later was crossing road and bent down to pick something up and couldn’t get up. White van stopped to help him and neighbours brought him home. It had only happened across from house He was fine then wanted to go out again


I have been out with him tonight for a walk. Few stumbles. But since we have come home he has constantly asked to go again.
He is constantly picking bits of floor. He has the best eyesight ever.

So I have lost it ranted threatened to leave and at one point went out door with car keys. Locked door told him he could do what he liked and look after himself

I say in car for a few minutes and he came looking out the door. I went back in and all he said was could he go a walk.

Not proud of my behaviour but so mad

 

[DeeCee7]

Oh @Moyra C , I can quite see how mad you must have got. Your OH’s incessant need for walks are a danger to him and you too! I hope you feel better for the rant.
Actually, I think you should be proud. Maybe not of your understandable reaction, we all lose the plot at times, but proud of your constant and steadfast concern and support of your OH, the care and love shown him on a daily, grindingly unbearable basis as a carer towards someone in the grip of this terrible disease.

 

[Moyra C]

Oh @Moyra C , I can quite see how mad you must have got. Your OH’s incessant need for walks are a danger to him and you too! I hope you feel better for the rant.
Actually, I think you should be proud. Maybe not of your understandable reaction, we all lose the plot at times, but proud of your constant and steadfast concern and support of your OH, the care and love shown him on a daily, grindingly unbearable basis as a carer towards someone in the grip of this terrible disease.

Thankyou. It has been a day of one thing after another. I had to get my daughter to pop down to see if I could break the cycle of wanting to walk. But it continued. Eventually he stopped but then got on to his shoes We have finally got to bed. With an unusual issue re the shoes still going on.
Usually I can laugh things off. Find distractions etc but not today for some reason. Just seen red mist and say horrible things.

I know I am not the only one in this horrible situation. And it’s good to vent the feelings in a safe place thanks again

 

[extoyboy]

If there's no clear way to address the litter collection then how about using one of those long handled litter grabbers to reduce the need to bend down?

 

[SEA SPRAY]

Would it be possible to tell him that you've just seen the road sweepers out so any litter would already have been picked up - and besides, it's just about to rain, so no point going out unnecessarily?

 

[Moyra C]

If there's no clear way to address the litter collection then how about using one of those long handled litter grabbers to reduce the need to bend down?

Hi. It would be hard for him to manage stick and the grabber and pick up. We have one at home he won’t use. But thanks.

Would it be possible to tell him that you've just seen the road sweepers out so any litter would already have been picked up - and besides, it's just about to rain, so no point going out unnecessarily?

sadly this would make no difference. He is constantly looking down to pick up anything. It’s the same in the house. No need for a hoover he can spot the minutest of bits. It’s obsessive and compulsive and if I am with him and tell him to leave any litter alone - you can see he struggles not to pick up.
The walking is also a must do. Even when it’s pouring with rain / snow. He is constantly looking out of window to see if it’s ok to go out.
Today has been a better day although only two walks today as we have been out and about in the car. I have just had to let him go walk tonight as it’s the less stress full option for us both.
Thankyou for the suggestion. Though.

 

[maisiecat]

Does he take any medication as I suspect the only way of adjusting this a bit will be with medication. Its not your fault that you lost patience,any of us that deal with compulsions know they are exhausting.
My husband has a very sweet tooth so I used to distract him with a tube of smarties to arrange in colour order then he could eat them.
Wonder if you could leave a floor indoors messy so its his job to clean that up.

 

[scotlass]

Moyra, I think how you're coping is remarkable under so much stress, it really must be getting to you. Is there anyone, perhaps a male friend who could go out with him for an hour or so just to give you a break. then at least you would know someone was with him if he needed help..

 

[backin]

What about a spikey stick to stab the litter?

 

[Moyra C]

Does he take any medication as I suspect the only way of adjusting this a bit will be with medication. Its not your fault that you lost patience,any of us that deal with compulsions know they are exhausting.
My husband has a very sweet tooth so I used to distract him with a tube of smarties to arrange in colour order then he could eat them.
Wonder if you could leave a floor indoors messy so its his job to clean that up.

Hi. Thanks for your suggestions He only take Quetiapine at night now. This was for the hallucinations that he was having two years ago. Which looking back was probably harder to deal with as he was convinced the poor lad next door was coming in the garden as short cut to his house and his friends too. There was no convincing him and he watched fit shadows going set the bedroom window. He built barricades in garden that would get knocked down when this person came in garden as well as going out to look for footsteps in garden each day.
So the walking prob seem less of a problem.
I am fortunate that he is so placid and when he goes to bed and asleep we usually have a good night Not sure that any meds would help.
I manage what he can eat sweet wise and limit it in the day. His diabetes is ok just now so doctors not worried. And at end of day he has very little pleasures going on.

We live in a lovely village where everyone looks out for him. And I know he nips in local shop fir 4 finger Kit Kats too.

 

[Moyra C]

Moyra, I think how you're coping is remarkable under so much stress, it really must be getting to you. Is there anyone, perhaps a male friend who could go out with him for an hour or so just to give you a break. then at least you would know someone was with him if he needed help..

It’s amazing where friends go when something like this happens. He used to go to the local pub regularly. But not one person had called to see how he is people he called his friends. But to be honest they were just folk he drank with. We live in a lovely village though and lots of people have known him a long time so look out for him when he is out.
I have been at hairdressers today and talking to a lively lady who was asking about him. He often gives her the rubbish to put in her him when he passes her house. I often feel guilty for letting him go out on his own. But many people in village tell me not too as they watch out for him. Which brings me to tears but so lovely to hear.

 

[scotlass]

that's good , that people are looking out for him. I can remember years ago, a man in our village used to walk through some waste ground which has a path through it...he would pick up rubbish and put it in a plastic bag, one of his family always walked a few yards behind him so he thought he was doing this by himself....keeping the place tidy...

 

[maisiecat]

Hi. Thanks for your suggestions He only take Quetiapine at night now. This was for the hallucinations that he was having two years ago. Which looking back was probably harder to deal with as he was convinced the poor lad next door was coming in the garden as short cut to his house and his friends too. There was no convincing him and he watched fit shadows going set the bedroom window. He built barricades in garden that would get knocked down when this person came in garden as well as going out to look for footsteps in garden each day.
So the walking prob seem less of a problem.
I am fortunate that he is so placid and when he goes to bed and asleep we usually have a good night Not sure that any meds would help.
I manage what he can eat sweet wise and limit it in the day. His diabetes is ok just now so doctors not worried. And at end of day he has very little pleasures going on.

We live in a lovely village where everyone looks out for him. And I know he nips in local shop fir 4 finger Kit Kats too.

Hi @Moyra C I think you are doing absolutely finr its so hard to stay patient when the stuff increases and compulsions are utterly exhausting. None of us are Saints there are always the moments when it interrupts something you are trying to do. Luckily they never remember our rants so you can start with a clean slate next day. Do you get any help? My husband is now in a Nursing home he went from hallucinations, delusions to psychosis.
The thing I know was my mistake was as we unravelled I should have put a companionship carer in to give me a break in the afternoon to ease the pressure.
Take care of yourself you are already doing a wonderful job with him

 

[Moyra C]

Hi @Moyra C I think you are doing absolutely finr its so hard to stay patient when the stuff increases and compulsions are utterly exhausting. None of us are Saints there are always the moments when it interrupts something you are trying to do. Luckily they never remember our rants so you can start with a clean slate next day. Do you get any help? My husband is now in a Nursing home he went from hallucinations, delusions to psychosis.
The thing I know was my mistake was as we unravelled I should have put a companionship carer in to give me a break in the afternoon to ease the pressure.
Take care of yourself you are already doing a wonderful job with him

Thankyou.
I took him to gp yesterday as his vitamin B12 injection is due next week. Prior to the dementia we used to notice that at week 10 onwards he was more tired and confused Before he had injection at week 12. I have always felt he could do with it a bit earlier.
On discussion with Gp and ruling out infection she agreed to give him his b12 a week earlier to see if it helps.
Tonight he has been so much better out for a couple of walks muck steadier and slower and no stumbling in door. He said he felt better tonight. Could be coincidence but I’ll wait and see.

 

[special 1]

Hi there. Reading all your emotions etc I also feel for you as I am in a situation with my Husband as he is housebound as we have stairs in our flat, therefore he can't get out any more due to falling all the time. I have to shadow him 24/7 so that makes our lives tougher than ever. However I understand your frustration, I am just as bad at times. Don't ever feel guilty about your reactions as this is all normal for us, the carers. You take care. 🌈🌈

 

[Silversally]

Thankyou.
I took him to gp yesterday as his vitamin B12 injection is due next week. Prior to the dementia we used to notice that at week 10 onwards he was more tired and confused Before he had injection at week 12. I have always felt he could do with it a bit earlier.
On discussion with Gp and ruling out infection she agreed to give him his b12 a week earlier to see if it helps.
Tonight he has been so much better out for a couple of walks muck steadier and slower and no stumbling in door. He said he felt better tonight. Could be coincidence but I’ll wait and see.

So sorry for all you are dealing with, Moyra. My husband also as to have B12 injections. The Gp surgery nurse has agreed he can have it every 11 weeks instead of 12! So I now arrange for someone to come to us mid-way to give him a booster. It helps and it is not possible to overdose. Some beauty salons offer B12 and you might be able to find someone to do it for him. My husband also picks up tiny bits from the floor but would never dream of using the carpet sweeper, which I have because it is great for getting up the worst of the dog hair without filling up the hoover bag.

 

[Kristo]

Sorry that you have to deal with this, please don’t feel guilty, dementia patients would try the patience of a saint! What is logical to them is so totally alien to us!

My dad also picks up the tiniest bits off the floor constantly; he sweeps surfaces with his hands for crumbs and wanders around looking for the bin. I used to get so offended when he did this in my house, but now I purposely don’t hoover when I know he is coming, as it gives him something to do, some purpose. If only he worried about keeping his own body as clean - it is a weekly battle to get him to wash and change clothes. I wonder what part of dementia drives this behaviour, as it seems quite a common one?

Have you filled in a form to register him with the police (Herbert protocol) just in case anything happens to him while he is out walking? It just has all his vital statistics so that they can trigger it as an information sheet for missing persons just in case he ever went missing. I have the form to fill in for my dad but don’t need it at the moment because he shadows my mum 24/7, even to the toilet. Keep on keeping on, it’s not easy and everyone on here understands x

 

[scotlass]

my oh also gets vit b injections every 12 weeks, and I do see a difference in him when he's due his ,so i bought vit b tablets and he's also taking one every day, and I think it's made a difference....he's actually remembering more...

 

[Moyra C]

Thanks everyone. Seems vitamin B12 is a common trait in the conversations too. He said this morning he feels better having had the injection. Although he can’t tell me how he feels better. We will see. If it makes a difference I will tell GP I want them every 10 weeks.

 

[AnnRuth@]

I have just done the same with my husband and lost it. Its so hard not being able to reason with them. You have a really good conversation and think you've cracked it but a few minutes later he's back on the same subject again. Frustrating to say the least!! You can only do your best and it sounds like you are doing that. Don't beat yourself up we all need to let off steam one way or another.