1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Julia58

    Julia58 Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    We buried dad Tuesday 15th April and I feel like it hasn't happened.
    We had a beautiful service (catholic mass) and burial. I stood up and read my poem sat down and everything became a blurr.

    3 days on can't seem to get upset or cry and feel guilty for feeling this way.
    My family came today and kept asking if I was ok.
    Is this normal as I didn't expect to feel like this at all.
    Anyone else feel like this xx
  2. creativesarah

    creativesarah Registered User

    its very normal

    don't feel guilty grief takes everyone differently
    At the grave side when my dad died, my sister wept copiously and I laughed. Dont take this wrong I was heartbroken but I remembered an incident when one of my dads friends fell in a fishpond and i had visions of said friend falling in the grave.Some people probably thought I was awful.

    I found it was something very small that set me off a few days later totally unexpectedly. It doesnt matter what others think (easy to say not easy to put into practise.) You will cry when you are ready.

    much support

  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Hi Julia :)

    I would say it is very "normal" to feel numb at this stage. You have had a terrible shock ( however 'expected' your dad's passing was) and your mind and body will take time to adjust.

    I don't know your circumstances at all, but in general I would say try to give yourself some time, take some gentle exercise like going for a walk, listen to the birds etc. And most importantly, talk about your dad with your family and friends, and remember what he means to you.

    Take things easy and the numbness will ease. You may feel sharper forms of grief, and as Sarah says, you may find you are tearful at unexpected times. But be kind to yourself, remember what your dad means to you, and you will gradually get a different balance in your life.

    Wishing to all the best and sending you a (((hug)))

    Lindy xxx
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    It's how you feel. Therefore it's normal.

    We are all different. Thankfully.

    There is no set rule on how you should be feeling, only others rules and they don't matter, because those rules are theirs.

    be gentle with yourself. Listen to you. No one else.
  5. bilslin

    bilslin Registered User

    Jan 17, 2014
    So sorry to for your loss. Its early days julia58. Lost my dad 3 years ago and it would have been his birthday on 16th, went off to my hobbies funeral and on the way down put some music on and it set me off. Used to play the cd when I took my dad to hospital appointments. So you take care. lindaxx
  6. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    Your feelings are perfectly normal. I lost my Dad almost 11 years ago now, not to dementia but to diabetes. I remember being very calm and self possessed and didn't cry for months afterwards, not even at the funeral. I was too busy looking after my Mum. One Saturday I was in a shop, with piped music, and a song came on called something like 'If I could dance with my father again'. I went totally to pieces and had to be taken home. I've had to leave the room ever since if it comes on the radio, and even now, 11 years on, I'm filling up just thinking of the song and writing this. It's strange what sets you off. You'll grieve in your own way, in your own time. Sending hugs. xxx
  7. grobertson62

    grobertson62 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2011
    I have learned there is no right or wrong way to grieve
    Every one is different. Having lost both parents even the way i dealt/coped with their deaths was different
    Almost a year since i lost dad and im still numb. So dont worry deal with it in your way in your time
  8. Julia58

    Julia58 Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    Thankyou all of you.
    Got up today and cracked.
    Haven't stopped crying all day.
    I also suffer from Fibromyalgia and M.E and gone into a massive flare up.
    Pains gone off the scale.
    Expected this as I have had 4 years of not just dad but both later in laws who sadly passed away too.
    Thinking more of dad a lot too today and the man he was not who he became.
    Going up to the grave tomorrow with mum as it's Easter Sunday. Dad loved Easter time xx
  9. creativesarah

    creativesarah Registered User

    Been thinking of you today and wondering how you were getting along.

    I have Fybromyalgia too my legs have been very bad today when i said i felt like i had toothache in my legs people laughed, they have no idea

    Glad you managed to let out some of what you are feeling deep inside

    Much support

  10. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    Hello julia58 l lost my father 41yrs ago l was in my 20's with two young children took it all in my stride at the time, but now l get very upset when l hear certain songs that he used to sing, there hasn't been one day since his death that l have't thought of him, l have this strange feeling that he is always with me, especially now l care for my husband, as my father's profession was a psychiatric nurse in a old Victorian hospital, now turned into housing. Pamann

    Sent from my GT-P5210 using Talking Point mobile app
  11. Julia58

    Julia58 Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    Not been to bad today. Funny how small things set you off.
    Yes Fibromyalgia is horrific. Not been dressed today as can hardly move let alone walk.
    Been thinking of happy times with dad xx

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