Loss of recognition, who am I now?

[TonyDB]

Hello all,

my OH and wife of nearly 30 years was diagnosed with “mild Alzheimer’s” last year. One of the issues that led to this was described by the local Mental Health Team as “loss of my recognition”. Having read loads of stuff from both the Alzheimer’s web site and other sources, and some books I understand the basics of what is going on here, she is losing (currently on a temporary basis) enough memory to no longer properly recognise who I am. There has been a change recently in that I used to be able to work out from things said in rough terms “who I am” and try and react accordingly, however all the past men in her life of any significance now have my full name…

This means working out answers and trying to frame everything “in her current space” has suddenly become very difficult. Today I have got it all really wrong, twice, which unfortunately raises the temperature and her anxiety… Alongside this I didn’t spot the problem of “loss of my identity” until the question came “so where are you living now?”. I am probably the worlds worst person at telling lies, and she still sees straight through anything made up… However the answer “here” is a no go as is my previous history as she quickly asks for addresses and who was I living with (even if it was my OH, saying that is well out of bounds). I have tried the “between places” and could I stay and help for a while as you seem to be by yourself, that doesn’t work either…

A break (I am sat in a coffee shop writing this) used to work but has been less successful recently…

Has anybody got any other ideas?

Thanks to everybody who posts on this forum

TonyDB

 

[Palerider]

Hello all,

my OH and wife of nearly 30 years was diagnosed with “mild Alzheimer’s” last year. One of the issues that led to this was described by the local Mental Health Team as “loss of my recognition”. Having read loads of stuff from both the Alzheimer’s web site and other sources, and some books I understand the basics of what is going on here, she is losing (currently on a temporary basis) enough memory to no longer properly recognise who I am. There has been a change recently in that I used to be able to work out from things said in rough terms “who I am” and try and react accordingly, however all the past men in her life of any significance now have my full name…

This means working out answers and trying to frame everything “in her current space” has suddenly become very difficult. Today I have got it all really wrong, twice, which unfortunately raises the temperature and her anxiety… Alongside this I didn’t spot the problem of “loss of my identity” until the question came “so where are you living now?”. I am probably the worlds worst person at telling lies, and she still sees straight through anything made up… However the answer “here” is a no go as is my previous history as she quickly asks for addresses and who was I living with (even if it was my OH, saying that is well out of bounds). I have tried the “between places” and could I stay and help for a while as you seem to be by yourself, that doesn’t work either…

A break (I am sat in a coffee shop writing this) used to work but has been less successful recently…

Has anybody got any other ideas?

Thanks to everybody who posts on this forum

TonyDB

Hi @TonyDB

I'm just passing by and saw your post.

I'm sorry that recognition now is becoming a part of your journey and it is truly awful to experience. I think there comes a point when we have to stop 'trying' to still be in the old world before dementia came along no matter how hard that feels and start going with the flow of things. Easier said than done but it takes time to deal with many emotions/feelings over what is happening and give yourself some space because we are also grieving at the loss bit by bit of someone we love very much.

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome, as I've said before, you have to learn to live in their world when they can't live in ours.
I still stand by that, I've been my wife's brother, neighbour and any number of other people, in the end as it progressed I just became her best friend, her words not mine. Hope that helps, good luck. K

 

[TonyDB]

Thanks both for your replies, yes you are both right, I need to “let go” of trying to analyse who I am and just try and go with the flow, I need to try and divert somehow the “where do you live now?” question. I am hoping that just being the “best friend” becomes a workable alternative…

 

[Badbec]

Has anybody any ideas about “sun downing” ? Every evening it start, the shouting, the “where’s my Shirley(me), the pacing, the anger. I know I shouldn’t get upset & he doesn’t know what he’s saying & doesn’t mean things he says. The sun is disappearing fast! 🌞

 

[Kevinl]

Its so common badbec, just put in the search on here and you'll find a million things.
Excuse my manners, welcome to the site. K

 

[Knitandpurl]

Is your OH prescribed any anxiety medication. My OH doesn’t suffer very much from sun downing but when he does or shows any other signs of anxiety I can give him a Lorazepam, they are tiny so I can easily hide in food and drinks which is an added advantage. This coupled with a diversion, such as me moving, going to the kitchen asking if he wants a drink (or something else). Sometimes helps.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Has anybody any ideas about “sun downing” ? Every evening it start, the shouting, the “where’s my Shirley(me), the pacing, the anger. I know I shouldn’t get upset & he doesn’t know what he’s saying & doesn’t mean things he says. The sun is disappearing fast! 🌞

Hello @Badbec Sundowning is such a difficult issue to deal with so you really do have my sympathy. I have attached a link which explains a little more about the issue which may help you a little.

Sundowning and dementia

Sometimes a person with dementia will behave in ways that are difficult to understand in the late afternoon or early evening. This is known as 'Sundowning'.

www.alzheimers.org.uk