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loosing him


Registered User
Aug 9, 2014
At my wits end.found my husband wth a knife at his wrist last tuesday dont think he would have done anything but!! My sons an I took hi to doctor and cpn were contacted again but this time he came out to see us on the thursday. Its so hard talking to them with my husband there who was fi e that morning and accused me of trying to get him put away. Anyway they busy changing his citalopram to mirtazipine which is taken at night. It worked first two nights but last nite gave him at nine but because he was just so so agitated swallowed it instead of letting it dissolve in his mouth so it was one in the mng when he fell asleep an now hes just so drowsy. Im accused of going with men thinks there are other people in the house I only seem to have my husband for a few hours now im so so loosing touch with my friends I hate this disease!!


Registered User
Jan 12, 2015
Hi There

I know how you feel 

some days I have my mum but most days it’s like she is a different person, she tells me to shut up for no reason and just walks around checking her bag every 30 seconds.

I have been told that the doctors don’t know what’s wrong with her but I think my step dad is keeping me from the truth so that it doesn’t upset me.

I am 29 and the close relationship me and my mum have always had has gone , I have nobody to go to for advise now.

I hate the disease as well.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello heathcliff

You are going through what I feel is the most difficult stage in the dementia, the stage when there is both insight and fear.

It does`t happen with everyone. Those with dementia who post regularly on TP are testament to this and there must be many more. However those who are unable to control their feelings and behaviours are so challenging it is impossible to know how to help.

I insisted on talking to medics and the CPN in the kitchen away from my husband. I managed to deceive him into believing they were coming to help me. They were desperate measures but he did become used to me disappearing into the kitchen with callers.

I think he himself stayed put because he didn`t want any interaction with them. He didn`t want them asking how he was, he didn`t want them to try to discuss anything with him.

You know your husband best so try to think of a way round this troublesome behaviour but do not feel it is your duty to continue with care if you are afraid of him.


Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
My husband was very similar to your husband re knives, I spent all my time as his CPN said, on suicide watch. He had many ways of trying to release himself from the torment he felt.

I kept a diary and wrote in it every night of how the day had been, how it affected my husband and importantly what effect it had on me. I did this in word on my laptop and printed it off weekly for the CPN to read and then be passed to his consultant. It really did help with his ongoing care and I felt went a long way to getting him the care he needed.

His behaviour continued when he went into the assessment unit but 9 weeks later when he moved into nursing care he was calmer and no way tormented anymore. No extra drugs were used just time taken and strength and omission of a couple.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2014
Thank you all for your advice cpn going to try an see me at health centre ive tried doing a diary but he was always asking what I was doin will try on do it on my tablet as an email an said it to cpn good idea. Its just so hard I feel guilty all the time feel like im not doing something right and I know this is not so as theres no hard an fast guidelines thank god for my three sons xxx