Looking after Dad

[Minnie22]

Morning everyone i just wanted to ask i does anyone else feel this way o has felt this way.
I recently have reduced my days in work to look after Dad who has Dementia .
I was taking so many days off and to be honest finding hard to deal with emotional . I am a self employed and only worked two hours but my Dad would phone constantly while in work . Although work have been brilliant they needed the commitment of someone who could give 100per cent. . They our all lovely and very happy environment but
my practice manager had said some people had approached her referring how many days I had off . apparently not maliciously)
this really hurt people truly don’t understand how hard it is . I lost my mum in March and then Dad went down hill dramatically .
I feel people don’t duly understand how hard it is . My whole life has been turned upside down as well as sisitrr.
Between my siste her hubby and mine . We currently manage Dad 24 hours a day . We get no help financially and I am now down financially as well. Dad comes first
As a family we never knew how hard it was going’ to be . Our lives our so much different I am sure their iour other families that have done is. Just need some tips lplease

 

[canary]

Hello @Minnie22
I am so sorry for your loss of your mum. Yours is, unfortunately, a common story.
You cannot go on like this. Your dad may not like it, but you need help.

Please contact SS for a needs assessment for your dad. There is quite a long waiting list and you will probably need to chase them up. It sounds to me like, at the very least, you could do with either day care, or a sitting/befriending service so that you know your dad is being looked after while you are at work. It might also be a good idea to switch your phone off while you are at work.

Your dad will be eligible for Attendance Allowance and Council Tax disregard (neither are means tested). Does anyone hold POA for your dad? I not, and he still has capacity to do this, then I would organise this promptly before it is too late. Having POA (both Finances and Health&Wefare) is really important as time goes on. If its too late for POA, then you will need to look at deputyship. Im sorry if this will overload you, but its definitely something to organise early, or you will find it very difficult to arrange things for your dad.

Do have a look around the site and you may find the fact sheets helpful

Publications and factsheets

We produce a wide range of publications and factsheets designed to support and inform anyone affected by dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Izzy]

I’m sorry you’re facing this @Minnie22.

I agree that you should contact Social Services for an assessment of needs. This gives more information -

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

You might also find the Dementia Guide helpful.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

@Minnie22 you are trying to do too much. It's impossible to do night-time caring, some daytime care and hold down a job. I'm sure that your work colleagues do have sympathy with your situation however, when your absent from your job, it's them that will have to pick up your duties. Short term yes, we all try and step in to help our workmates but your Dad's dementia is likely to go on for years, with his needs increasing.

Financially dementia impacts on all of us; loss of hours, loss of jobs, loss of our personal lives and in many cases, loss of our own health. It's you and only you who can decide how much you're prepared to sacrifice in your quest to provide your Dad's care but the cost to your family is going to be extremely high.

 

[Minnie22]

Hello @Minnie22
I am so sorry for your loss of your mum. Yours is, unfortunately, a common story.
You cannot go on like this. Your dad may not like it, but you need help.

Please contact SS for a needs assessment for your dad. There is quite a long waiting list and you will probably need to chase them up. It sounds to me like, at the very least, you could do with either day care, or a sitting/befriending service so that you know your dad is being looked after while you are at work. It might also be a good idea to switch your phone off while you are at work.

Your dad will be eligible for Attendance Allowance and Council Tax disregard (neither are means tested). Does anyone hold POA for your dad? I not, and he still has capacity to do this, then I would organise this promptly before it is too late. Having POA (both Finances and Health&Wefare) is really important as time goes on. If its too late for POA, then you will need to look at deputyship. Im sorry if this will overload you, but its definitely something to organise early, or you will find it very difficult to arrange things for your dad.

Do have a look around the site and you may find the fact sheets helpful

Publications and factsheets

We produce a wide range of publications and factsheets designed to support and inform anyone affected by dementia.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Thank u for your reply have u gone through this x

 

[canary]

Thank u for your reply have u gone through this x

My mum had Alzheimers and had lived on her own. She got worse and worse. I ended up giving up my career because I had to keep taking time off at short notice. Eventually mum had no choice but to move into a care home. At the same time as all of this OH started with symptoms too. After 3 years in her care home mum passed away from her dementia and then 4 days before the funeral OH had a stroke. He is now in cognitive decline although we dont have a diagnosis (long story). Three years ago I reached carer burnout as I was trying to look after OH with no help. He now has carers, I have a Home Help and gardeners and OH has had respite in a nursing home - Im hoping he can go again in the new year.

We are all going through the problems and challenges of trying valiantly to look after someone with dementia. It is never easy and most of the advice you will receive is hard won.
xx

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

I also worked and cared for Mum's ever increasing needs but ended up handing in my notice when all I did was care, work and sleep.

I managed over 2 years of further unpaid caring, with Mum needing more and more of my attention. One day, when it was all becoming too much, Mum had a very lucid moment and said to me "We can't carry on like this., you're having to come here all the time." Mum was right, I had no life, couldn't go out and seeing my own family became impossible.

Mum is now in a care home and has settled well. My job is now to make sure that she gets regular visits and wants for nothing.

Believe me, I have the additional grey hairs and wrinkles as proof of my carer days.