1. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    259
    When your OH is in a care home every so often the loneliness comes out of nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks. The week days one can usually keep quite busy so it’s not so bad. But even if you visit several times a week its the evenings and night time and weekends that can just floor you and bring you down so low.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,584
    Merseyside
    I don’t think this time of year helps either Jean as we’re indoors so much. Thinking of you.
     
  3. Grahamstown

    Grahamstown Registered User

    Jan 12, 2018
    1,558
    East of England
    Oh how I sympathise. My husband is not yet in a care home but those strong overwhelming feelings are getting worse and worse for me and I can absolutely imagine how much worse it is for you. It is a virtual bereavement whatever the situation and you have to draw on all your inner strength to get through those bad times. I love listening to music but this sometimes makes me cry, but the one thing that seems to help me now is the music of Bach which I find settled my mind into a calmness. Now I understand his greatness.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,169
    Kent
    It takes a lot of getting used to.

    It`s the emptiness, especially when we are in no state to seek alternative company. I tried to join retirement groups but found I had nothing in common with what seemed to be their trivia.

    It has taken me years to find some sort of alternative to married life, first when I had visits to keep me going and now after bereavement.

    It made me realise how I accepted the separation of older friends and family from their partners without a second thought and now I`m in their shoes it`s a completely overwhelming time of life.

    I feel for those of you living through this. There`s no escape. It can only be endured as part of the grieving process.

    One day @Jean1234 you may wake feeling a little bit better. Till then, share your feelings with those of us who know.
     
  5. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,973
    Female
    Scotland
    I stopped to speak to a craft group operating in a space in our local group practice/ health centre. Scottish and ethnic ladies making little hats for prem babies in our local hospital, jewellery, ornaments etc. I mentioned how much my husband treasured the fiddle mat given to him in hospital and which I’ve kept since his death. They loved the idea and will include that in what they make. I gave them a donation for their funds. I was impressed with their enthusiasm and enjoyment in the company of each other and those who stopped to speak.

    Maybe we need to take up interests like that.

    Photo is of John outside X-ray clutching his mat.
     

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  6. Jean1234

    Jean1234 Registered User

    Mar 19, 2015
    259
    Thank you. It means so much to get your replies. The weekend is over so I can spend time with people which makes it so much easier.
     
  7. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    951
    Female
    My mum used to say the same.
    During the day, everyone was about their business, but in the evening or at weekends, children are home from school, husband's / wives are home from work and all around are families / couples, being together, doing things together and to a person on their own it magnifies their aloneness which can develop into loneliness.
    Mum used grit and determination, she is a "crafty" person and would have projects specifically set aside to work on at the weekend and little treats to look forward to.
    Did it work? As @Grannie G says, it is time that heals which brings gradual acceptance of the no-going-back to how life used to be, but looking ahead with equanimity to how life is now. Be kind to yourself
     

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