Just to be clear about
the medication that he is receiving from the doctors (memantine and mirtazapine) and the medication I have refused to keep giving him (anti Alzheimer’s meds like donepezil and rivastigmine)
These choices have been made because I can no longer look after him when he is aggressive and I would otherwise have to leave for my own safety- and he would not be safe here without me.
But man it makes me feel so guilty, like I am sedating him for my own convenience 🙈🙈
Please don't feel guilty - you have to do what you have to do to survive. My OH was physically violent - eventually he was prescribed Risperidone and for us it was transformative. He became calmer, but also more lucid, as if the fog of anger had lifted and allowed him to think a bit more clearly.
He is now in the process of going into long term care - I reached a point where I could no longer cope with the 24 hour nature of the disease, I was physically and mentally broken. I do not feel guilty, I have given my husband everything I could, but there came a point when I could no longer give him what he needed.
Only you can make the final decision about long term care, but you deserve to consider your own needs too. There is so much propaganda about caring for someone with dementia, 'Til death us do part' and 'Living well with Dementia' as the author of this article points out. I believe it is designed to guilt us into believing we have no right to practical help, we married them and it's our job. As carers we have rights too, and there comes a time when we cannot provide what the PWD needs. It sounds like you are reaching breaking point and this might be the time for permanent care. It is only now that my husband is in care that I can reflect on the terrible toll caring for him has taken on me. Being shouted at daily, threatened, pushed and shoved, and then moving to the point where my husband needs help with every aspect of daily living, pacing through the night, sleeping all day, demanding food at 10 o'clock at night, so much stress and anxiety. Please do consider your own life too, this cruel disease destroys so much.