1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Living through hell

Discussion in 'I have dementia' started by john51, Dec 26, 2015.

  1. john51

    john51 Registered User

    Apr 26, 2014
    289
    Male
    Dunstable, Bedfordshire
    It was a mistake. I agreed to go to a family get together today. It has proved to be a mistake. Noise. Confusion. It's he'll and nobody realises. I hope I can go home soon. If this is early stage. It will be awful when things progress.
     
  2. mrs mcgonnagal

    mrs mcgonnagal Registered User

    May 9, 2015
    153
    Dear John
    I hope you can go home and that you feel better soon, best wishes x
     
  3. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,604
    West Midlands
    Glad you can talk about it here. Sorry that you are going through it.

    Hugs to you xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    (((John))) I am sorry that you are finding things so hard :(
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,215
    Merseyside
    I hope you get to home to peace & quiet soon John.
     
  6. Emac

    Emac Registered User

    Mar 2, 2013
    174
    What a shame that you felt so bad and were unable to enjoy it. Those who encouraged you to go will have meant well and wanted you with them. I hope that is a comfort to you. Do let them know what you can and can't cope with if you are able. That way they will know how to support you. Hope you are home and feeling a bit better,xxxx
     
  7. eve67

    eve67 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2015
    31
    Am sure they mean well. Maybe if you could see one or two of them at a time that would be better.
     
  8. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    237
    John, I always keep a look out for your posts and I'm so sorry to read that you have found this family get together so difficult.

    I hope by now that you are home and settled and feeling better.

    I know that your lovely wife is incredibly supportive, so I hope that you might be able to explain how it's felt to her, when the time is right. A different approach will be needed in the future. Together you can make changes so that you don't feel this way again.

    My OH is at a similar stage and he has to attend his daughter's wedding in May. Your post has made me think about how he will feel at that get together. You have given me some insight and I will try to be aware and change things to help him on that day.

    Thank you.

    Thinking of you John. Keep posting.

    JigJog x
     
  9. john51

    john51 Registered User

    Apr 26, 2014
    289
    Male
    Dunstable, Bedfordshire
    Hi JigJog

    Good luck to your husband at your daughters wedding. It will be so important to him.
    Rare as it is my wife was less than supportive at the family do, probably because it was her family.
    I got through it!

    We went on a cruise over new year with our son and daughter, and it was really good. It felt less hemmed in than the family get together...12 people in quite a small space.

    Thanks for your support

    John
     
  10. john51

    john51 Registered User

    Apr 26, 2014
    289
    Male
    Dunstable, Bedfordshire
    Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support.

    It all ended eventually, and I got home.

    I've had some better days since then, including loving a new year cruise!

    John
     
  11. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,593
    Female
    Dundee
    That's good news John!


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    237
    So glad to hear that you survived it all John and even went on to enjoy your cruise. Great news!

    Keep posting!

    JigJog
     
  13. BillBRNC

    BillBRNC Registered User

    Jan 26, 2016
    40
    USA NC
    I had the same problem. This past August when my son and his family came for a visit (we haven't told them yet) and again at Christmas when we met them halfway between two homes at a sort of resort place. Both times I went crazy. My head felt like it would explode from all the confusion and noise. One of the worst things about this darn Alz is that I can't enjoy my grandkids, who are 4 and 2 (twins). I hate it, just hate it. This summer, I had to ask my son to leave two days early, but he seemed to understand. My wife doesn't fully understand, but she knows I love my son and his family very much, so something must be really wrong. I'm 65, and this is not how I figured things would be, but it is what it is.
     
  14. LoisJean

    LoisJean Registered User

    I completely understand what you are saying, Bill. Years of Fellowship meetings that I was once so eager to attend and couldn't imagine my life without, I now find I struggle to find even a little bit of desire to attend and when I do go, I struggle to express myself. Shopping is difficult for me, too. Too much stimulation and noise sends me into awful confusion and literal 'brain pain'. I don't go alone anymore. Preparing for visits from family used to bring me such joy, but now cause me to feel fretful and overly concerned about some kind of invisible discomfort that I can't define. I do well in some of my days, but too often my brain bits leave me restless, irritable and discontent.

    Many days I feel like Alice down the rabbit hole. (Sometimes it's not so bad down there.) I am 68. Vascular dementia is not what I signed up for--but it's what I have and I accept it- I won't fight it. I am so grateful for this forum. People actually understand what I'm experiencing without me having to explain myself. The one thing I wanted to say before I forget ;), is that after sharing with my daughter about this site, she tells me she's joining up. She says she needs to be a part of the solution, not the problem. That means everything to me.

    Peace be with us all.
     
  15. Irishgirl57

    Irishgirl57 Registered User

    Jan 21, 2014
    189
    Florida, USA
    I totally relate to your feelings. It's scary when I agree to go to a social event and I get there and I'm frozen .... it's like the walls are closing in and all I hear is noise, which leads to confusion. My husband pretty much knows when it's time to leave.

    I'm sending you hugs and lots of love that you may find peace today and your surroundings
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.