Life in a Box

[Christin]

We had planned to do some gardening yesterday, catch up and make some changes, but the weather was very windy with quite heavy showers. So we left the garden and went back indoors to deal with some of FIL's personal belongings. Its actually hard to believe that a month has passed already.

The legal bits are almost complete, and the bills are paid. All that's left are the personal items and its sad that there aren't that many really. Because he lived with us, and OH has brought everything back here from the NH, it is all here in this house. So I've begun to unpick the name labels from his clothes, and how I wish I hadn't taken a short cut and written in some things with a permanent marker!

We have some items that should be returned to SS like the magnifying glasses, and the speaking clock and watch. He never really used them, they were just fiddled with and put aside. We have hearing aids, who will want them back? And glasses, we hope to find a charity that will take them, one pair were never worn at all.

The hardest things are the those that he kept as keepsakes. Things that meant so much to him from his younger days, things that belonged to his wife and his late daughter who died when she was child. We have to keep them. He kept cuttings from newspapers and school play programmes. And some photographs we have never seen before! They are family pieces. And yet a small part of me doesn't want my own children to have to deal with them later. I know there is plenty of time, no need to rush.

So its sad to see the bits of his life being given away and its sad to see other bits packed away in boxes. Its something I've dealt with before with my parents, and I know its something that everyone has to deal with. We are no different. I guess its part of the grieving and moving on. It made us feel sad again.

I think we all need some sunshine. So today we are off to the charity shops in the hope they will accept the things we take.

And then I think a walk to blow some cobwebs away with maybe tea and cake after! I think its time for a treat, and I don't think FIL would mind one bit!

 

[Skye]

Christin, it's hard!

The clothes and so on I didn't worry too much about, but the personal stuff, things that the loved one had treasured, I find impossible to dispose of.

I have boxes from both my parents, my first husband, my daughter, and now John. Strangely, John's was easier. Much of the stuff was from before I knew him, so I was able to give it to my step-sons. But the rest? My son has already taken what he wanted, and isn't interested in the rest. I know I have to get rid of it sometime, but every time I start, everything seems to be put pack in the box, because someone I loved treasured it.

It's never the right time!

 

[DeborahBlythe]

Hello Chrisitn, sorry you are having to go through this yet again.

I found the labels in my mum's clothes a particular challenge because some of them had been machined into place and every stitch took ages to remove!

I still have clothes and effects of my mother's which I can't bear to part with even though it's over two years.

I took some of her clothes regularly to a local charity shop, but in the recent urban unrest, the shop was torched and I felt a very particular pain thinking that maybe some of my mum's belongings were lost.

On the other hand, you mention some keepsakes and photographs that you don't want the grandchildren to have to sort through, but it may be that one of them will find interest in mementoes of the past. As you rightly say, there is no rush. Enjoy your walk today and your tea and cake. You deserve 'em.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Christin,
What about creating a scrapbook with the papers and oddments? That way, everything is in one place sorted and tidy and can be easily referred to.

 

[grove]

Hello Christin , Sending you much Love , Support & Prayer's for you to day as some body said it must be hard for you . Hope you enjoyed your Walk & had a lovely Tea & Cake !

Take Care


Love Grove x x

 

[together]

Dear Christin, Do hold onto those cuttings etc. I also cleared all of Mum's things, lots to charities, and finally one bag of bits and bobs to keep. So much went but last week I found a tiny piece of knitting (2" x 6") and this suddenly meant so much to me, the smell,the feel and yet this would have been binned as rubbish if I'd seen it whilst clearing. Different things mean so much at different times even, so don't think of it as being sad in a box,it's always there then for whoever, whenever.
Hope you had a good walk and enjoyed cake and tea
Love Katherine xx

 

[Izzy]

I know what you're going through too. I did find the clothes bit quite hard. I helped mum choose and buy all of her clothes and she came on holidays and outings with us all of the time. As I was packing them up for the charity shop I could remember the last time she wore them or what play we'd seen when she has a certain item on. I still have her new coat as I can't face just putting into a shop. I'd like to find someone who could benefit from it and know that someone loves it too.

I took mum's spectacles into Boots the Optician. They took them for sending off to a charity - I think it's Sight Savers.

I kept all sorts of things which she bought on holidays or was given from the family.

Take care. x

 

[maryw]

Dear Christin, it's all about memories and meanings isn't it? And it does hit that they are left in a box.... 2 1/2 years on I still ponder what to do with the many books my Mum treasured. They all still have special memories for me, so it's not the right time to part, but I did give some paperbacks to charity this year. I'm left with 1st editions of Daphne du Maurier, loads of Scarlet Pimpernel books and even some 1st editions of Agatha Christie. I bought a special box for all the keepsake letters, photos etc. They won't mean anything to anyone else, but they mean something to me, so they are staying at present! It all takes time and I don't think these things should be rushed. Take care x