Hello Amy,
I'm happy to respond to your post, because any input, positive or negative and hopefully other carers experiences of a similar situation, will help me towards a decision. A monumental decision at that and I dread getting it wrong. I think the cards are stacked against me being successful, but I have to explore the prospect. I do not want to live the rest of my life regretting not having tried.
Your question 'what are the pros' is a good one and forces me to use my head and not my heart in this matter.
First and foremost, I want to care for my wife in our home, as I used to before she entered the care home (ch). Were the situation reversed (with me being the one with AD) I am convinced my wife would not have gone along with social serrvices and the professionals recommendations re ch admittance. Her general attitude is now very differerent compared to when she was admitted, being much calmer and not aggrassive during personal care.
I believe my wifes quality of life would be improved. Although the ch staff sometimes take her to the tv lounge, most times when I visit she is sitting in her room on her own, withdrawn and unresponsive for the first half hour or so. Perseverance on my part seems to bring her back. I take my wife out whenever circumstances permit. At the ch, finding a carer to check my wifes pad before we can go out is often a lengthly process, plus the reverse when we return. There are times when ch staff are like hens teeth. In my view the ch is under staffed. On a good day the ratio is 1 carer to 6 residents, but staff turnover and use of agency carers to cover staff shortages aggravates the problem. The little likes and dislikes of residents are consequent casualties.
My wife and I are both vegetarians and I take suitable food with me every day (to heat in the microwave) to suppliment the evening meal, the hot portion of which often contains only one element, although there are sandwiches, soup and desert. The ch is not geared to vegetarian meals and mostly just leave out fish and meat etc from the meal. The mid-day meals are better catered for.
Compared to some I've seen, my wife's ch is probably better than many, being custm built and only 5 years old. The staff are generally happy and cheerful, but always busy and little time to chat to the residents.
Overall, I believe I could improve my wifes quality of life and I desparately want to do that. The cost to me? Well judging by recent posts on TP many of us spend our days engrossed with dementia problems one way or another and visiting etc. So in addition I can expect a big impact on my time, interrupted sleep, more despair, doubt, worry anguish and our old friend stress. Daunting, is'nt it. Hopefully there will be room for satisfaction at having done the very best I can for my wife under the circumstances. My great fear is that the change may be detrimental to my wife in some way and of course that is why I'm asking TP members for their experiences.
Take care,
Robert.