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Just seen mum

widdy

Registered User
May 26, 2015
16
I know that all of us on this site are having the same feelings of guilt and anguish for our loved ones. Mum has not been able to speak to us for awhile now and seems to go into a deep sleep to the point that we check her breathing which seems very shallow to make sure all is well. Her food intake is varied and her fluids nil the NH wake her to feed her which I have asked if they have to. Yes I understand that they do but it seems so sad that my mum who looked after everyone first and was there for all her family has to suffer this horrible end to her life. Today I went to see mum to find her awake but crying and trying to speak. She kept putting up her arms as if some one was there for her what little words I could understand she seemed to say they are all here for me and at one point I thought she said I will go soon. I spoke to the NIC who told me that she has been like this since this morning and asked if this could be close to the end and he told me he could not say. I know this could go on for ages Mum has not been out of bed since September and is jus wasting away. I feel so helpless when I am with her for not knowing what she wants to tell me and also not being able to make her feel better. Please God one day that phone will ring and when it does my heart will break for the lose of mum but I pray every night that it will ring.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
20,085
North Manchester
I would talk to her GP about "putting up her arms as if some one was there".

(S)he maybe able to prescribe medication to control this, anxiety is one of the conditions controlled by the 'just in case' end of life pack.
 

pins tony

Registered User
Oct 20, 2014
213
bristol
god

I would talk to her GP about "putting up her arms as if some one was there".

(S)he maybe able to prescribe medication to control this, anxiety is one of the conditions controlled by the 'just in case' end of life pack.
Sorry for this post but its how I feel.I gave up asking God for help years ago.they say there's no dementia in heaven.if there is such a place I suppose there must be a god so if he allows dementia on earth why not in heaven.had a bad day today sorry
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
Please don't be sorry. I completely understand. You love your mum, and you're suffering too. I agree that maybe there could be something prescribed so that your mum isn't distressed- please speak to the nurse again. It is indescribably heartbreaking and distressing to see someone we love in distress and we feel helpless. It's a cruel illness, I personally struggle daily seeing my poor dad. Love from G Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Bill Owen

Registered User
Feb 17, 2014
182
67
BRIDGEND
Been there.

i know that all of us on this site are having the same feelings of guilt and anguish for our loved ones. Mum has not been able to speak to us for awhile now and seems to go into a deep sleep to the point that we check her breathing which seems very shallow to make sure all is well. Her food intake is varied and her fluids nil the nh wake her to feed her which i have asked if they have to. Yes i understand that they do but it seems so sad that my mum who looked after everyone first and was there for all her family has to suffer this horrible end to her life. Today i went to see mum to find her awake but crying and trying to speak. She kept putting up her arms as if some one was there for her what little words i could understand she seemed to say they are all here for me and at one point i thought she said i will go soon. I spoke to the nic who told me that she has been like this since this morning and asked if this could be close to the end and he told me he could not say. I know this could go on for ages mum has not been out of bed since september and is jus wasting away. I feel so helpless when i am with her for not knowing what she wants to tell me and also not being able to make her feel better. Please god one day that phone will ring and when it does my heart will break for the lose of mum but i pray every night that it will ring.
hi im bill.just lost my wife back in march this year .from lewy body dem.only 58.yes its very hard to dell with .sorry im dis liex so bare with me.at the end of life my wife was a shell .not the pason i new .did not know her anymoor.to see you wife who i loved look like this is hart braking. So match lost.im now on my own lost missing her .in a world i do not like any moor .i look after for 5 years ,24 / 7 belive me its hard .
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
I know that all of us on this site are having the same feelings of guilt and anguish for our loved ones. Mum has not been able to speak to us for awhile now and seems to go into a deep sleep to the point that we check her breathing which seems very shallow to make sure all is well. Her food intake is varied and her fluids nil the NH wake her to feed her which I have asked if they have to. Yes I understand that they do but it seems so sad that my mum who looked after everyone first and was there for all her family has to suffer this horrible end to her life. Today I went to see mum to find her awake but crying and trying to speak. She kept putting up her arms as if some one was there for her what little words I could understand she seemed to say they are all here for me and at one point I thought she said I will go soon. I spoke to the NIC who told me that she has been like this since this morning and asked if this could be close to the end and he told me he could not say. I know this could go on for ages Mum has not been out of bed since September and is jus wasting away. I feel so helpless when I am with her for not knowing what she wants to tell me and also not being able to make her feel better. Please God one day that phone will ring and when it does my heart will break for the lose of mum but I pray every night that it will

Just put your arms around your Mum if she allows you to do this. Hold her gently.

Sending you virtual support.

Aisling
 

rugged cross

Registered User
Jul 10, 2016
3
Peace will come

I am not religious despite being raised a Catholic - it's hard to believe in a God with all the suffering in the world. My mum is in a EMI unit in a NH suffering from VD age 90. The visits are heartbreaking as she can't communicate with us anymore just totally confusion and incomprehension although mum does still recognise me and my sisters even though she gets us mixed up. She gets anxious and emotional which is stressful for us to witness

The important thing to remember though is that mum still has her religion and must thinks about God because when we visit she sometimes talks about Jesus. We respect her wishes and her beliefs - her generation lived through and witnessed so much agony and heartache duirng the war. We go along with mum and join in her conversations even though we are non believers.

A few weeks ago I came across a CD in mum's flat which was a compilation of songs and a couple of hymns sung by a priest 'Father Francis'. We have found that playing music during our visits relaxes mum - classical, easy listening, ballet music that sort of thing etc so I took the CD to the NH in to play to mum. The music helps mum ( and us) to relax and be at peace during our precious time with her ( we all live at a distance so visits are infrequent but long). When I put this CD on for mum it was amazing. She actually started humming to the words - there was a connection that we had not experienced before. Mum remembered listening to the CD with dad and was then able to recall long lost memories for a little while before her mind closed again.

Yes the visits are heartbreaking and stressful and at times seem hopeless and helpless but small 'miracles' do happen when least expected so hang on to the good times you have had with you mum over the years and they will get you through these bad times.

Thinks about you all
 

widdy

Registered User
May 26, 2015
16
Tried to copy and post a reply to you all

Sorry I must be a numb skull I tried to copy and reply to all your kind words about my previous posts about mum but seem not to be able to do it correctly. Just to say thank you all for the support on TP it makes a difference to know that we are all going through this and can understand the guilt and frustration. Love and hugs to you all.