Just need to vent!!

[little shettie]

Went to see mum today, one of my 3-4 weekly visits. She was sitting quietly reading her newspaper, she'd actually gone out and got one again, something she hasn't done for a while due to feeling sad/depressed/fed up/unwell. She had same clothes on she's had since my last visit last Thursday. I went and ran her a nice bubble bath, something she really enjoyed previously. I came and took her hand and told her to come with me and I'd wash her hair etc. When we got to the bathroom and she saw the bath ready for her, she went into one. Are you saying I'm dirty? I had a shower this morning, then said she'd had one last night bla bla bla. I shrugged it off and said come on mum a nice bubble bath will make you feel tons better even if you have had a shower today. Oh no, still complaining moaning like hell but I manage to get her to climb in. I leave her to start washing herself with the sponge and soap while I go to sort out her clean clothes (if I can find them!). Within about 10 seconds of her being in the bath, I hear the plug being pulled. I came back into the bathroom and went to put the plug back in. What the hell was I doing? I had no right telling her what she must do, did I treat my MIL like that? No I bet you bloody well don't!! She turned into what I can only describe as a screaming banshee, so I left her to dry herself off, no hair wash nothing. This is a new phase, previously she loved it when I said go have a shower/bath, wash your hair and I'll dry it for you. Not now. I can't bear the thought of her being a smelly old woman and at what point do I just leave her to it and let her get into a state? She has 'accidents' on the floor occasionally and she must be in a bit of a mess under her clothes, but if this carries on, she won't let me touch her. Shes not eating much at all, carers come in 4 times a day and apart from 1 or 2 who are very good with her, the rest are aged about 17 years, and flit in and out in a few minutes without even trying to convince mum to eat, drink, shower! God I'm so fed up with it all I could bloody well scream!!!! 3 years I've dealt with this and each week some new phase crops up and I'm always the bad guy. We had such a wonderful mother / daughter relationship once but now we have no relationship, its all me trying to sort her out, and all I seem to do is rub her u the wrong way. Theres no pleasure or fun anymore, just duty. I really can't believe I'm saying this but I really hate my mum right now!!!!! I'm sorry, I know there are many worse off than me

 

[steffie60]

I know you said you just wanted to vent but sometimes it is good to know that you are not alone in your thoughts. Last week in my head I was wishing my mum dead, I was very tired, and then I felt remorse - supposing she could hear my thoughts! There are so many ups and downs with this horrible disease, we just have to ride each storm and know that this is not the person we remember.
When I need to get Mum through the shower I go very business like and Mum teases me for being in "nursing mode". In the past I have suggested to my mother that she may prefer a nurse to come in and if she does I will contact the GP. It is an idle threat but one that seems to have some authority. Do you think it would work for you?

May this current phase pass quickly so that you can find that gentlewoman again.

 

[Noorza]

It's of new use to you but when what I call Mum's gremlins come back I see her as a different person, her face contorts, she's actually scary and her tongue is vicious. It's a hateful disease it's no wonder you are venting. ((sending virtual hugs))

 

[Shash7677]

My mum when at home did the exact same thing over baths. Dad would run her one, he would leave the room, out would come the plug, up go the defences and out comes the 'I've had a bath!' Indignation.

I managed to bath her a couple of times but couldn't leave her, I had to show her how to put the shower gel on the sponge, show her how to wash and washing her hair, well what a game.

When she first went into a residential home they had all kinds of problems bathing her, she is now in a NH (has been for nearly a year) and she has just settled down at bath time. Previously she has thrown jugs of water over carers and has even dragged a carer into the bath with her on one occasion.

No practical advice I'm afraid, just persevere and maybe if she does get into the bath you might need to either start washing for her or stand and give a demo. Mum got to the point where I had to put deodorant on for her as she didn't know what to do with it.

Just wanted you to know that with mum this stage did pass, it's hard going and frustrating but you'll get there.

Sharon