Just my name on birthday cards

[reddollyfood]

My darling old boy died last Thursday- it was on our granddaughter's birthday but I'd already written her card and signed it from both of us. Yesterday was our grandson's birthday and I was so tempted to sign his card from both of us but realised that doing so might confuse him as he's only 8. It felt so awful just putting my name on that card. And next week I'll have to do it again as another granddaughter has her birthday on the day after his funeral. This is such a small thing in the greater scheme of what I've had to do this last 3 years so why am I finding it one of the most difficult to come to terms with?


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[Izzy]

I can totally understand that. My husband died 3 months ago and that s something I've found extremely difficult. Like you I want to sign both names.

 

[Grannie G]

Like you I want to sign both names.

Me too. It`s almost as if I`m leaving him out even if I am nearly three years down the line.

 

[jaymor]

Our daughters birthday was four weeks after her Dad died. I could not sign her card in just my name and had to ring her and tell her, she had a card with both our names on or no card at all. She wanted one with both names on infact she said I could do that for ever more.

I have written many cards since March and it's no easier but I will continue to sign both our names on our daughters.

These small things we never think about come up to slap us just as hard as the bigger things. I still have my husband's birthday to get through and of course Chrstmas and the first anniversary of his death. All hard but like everyone else I will get through them and make my husband and family proud of me.

 

[Izzy]

We're quite close in terms of time scale Jay. I have those milestones to face too. I had 2 birthday cards to write just after Bill died. I wrote my name then in brackets 'of course Billy boy too'. Daft I know but it was David then Michael who had birthdays and I knew they would understand.

 

[Jinx]

Yes I can completely sympathise with that, it still seems so wrong to only sign cards to the family with just my name. I think I'm really going to struggle not to go in to auto pilot with Christmas cards. To be honest don't really feel like sending any but then I do like to receive them so must make the effort. Another 'first' to get through. xxx


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[LynneMcV]

After my father passed away my mother sent out birthday cards and Christmas cards from them both for the next 21 years until she passed away herself. It usually took the form of 'lots of love from Nan (remembering Grandad).

My children, who were 2 yrs old and 4wks old when their grandad died were never confused by this and came to accept it as their grandad thinking of them still and someone they could freely ask about whenever they wanted without causing upset. I also found it comforting to receive cards in this manner. It kept him as part of the family and in our thoughts at these special times when we would have liked him to be with us.

My mum asked from time to time if we wanted her to stop but we never did.

 

[Bill Owen]

Hi still put my wife neam to the card

my darling old boy died last thursday- it was on our granddaughter's birthday but i'd already written her card and signed it from both of us. Yesterday was our grandson's birthday and i was so tempted to sign his card from both of us but realised that doing so might confuse him as he's only 8. It felt so awful just putting my name on that card. And next week i'll have to do it again as another granddaughter has her birthday on the day after his funeral. This is such a small thing in the greater scheme of what i've had to do this last 3 years so why am i finding it one of the most difficult to come to terms with?


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hi .i still do put my wife name to the cards .delyth his her name ..it keeps her a live in our mines and harts not to be forgotten . Plus i do get a good feel out of this for my self .all of thos who recive the cards dont mine

 

[Spamar]

Although I found it very difficult to write just one name on the bottom of a card, I managed. I think it would be very odd to write my late husband name as well.
Just me. If you feel happier, and your recipients are happy, then fine.

 

[Babymare01]

As always with what this evil illness throws at us there is no right or no wrong. We just have to do what we feel is right. Hugs to you all xxx

 

[sunray]

It took me a couple of years to get used to writing: "Love from Sue" on the bottom of cards , longer to say "me" instead of "we" but you do get there eventually. Take it in easy stages and just do what you can do.

 

[Loopiloo]

This is something I had not thought about until last week when I wrote a birthday card for our grown up grandson. The second born of six grandchildren. It troubled me, I felt I was leaving my husband, their Grandad, out.

I realise it is part of the grieving, loss and trying to come to terms with yet had a strong urge to include his name. It is something I will have to think deeply about…. I don’t know how they might feel….

But Jay, I think like you I will put both our names, in some form,on our daughters birthday cards, one is on Christmas day and the other February and have a feeling they would like that this first time at least, so soon afterwards.

My husband’s birthday is New Year’s Day. I am dreading that. Our daughters will also feel it.



Loo x

 

[reddollyfood]

Thank you all for sharing your views and feelings with me. It really helps to know you are having similar things to deal with. I still have the funeral to get through on Thursday. Dreading it but also needing the support from my family and friends.



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[Jinx]

Will be thinking about you on Thursday, Reddollyfood, and wishing you strength to face the final goodbye. Sad times but I'm sure your family will be a tremendous help, are they close by? xx


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