Just moved in to residential care

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Jdkm, Jul 10, 2015.

  1. Jdkm

    Jdkm Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    2
    Hi everyone, I am new to the site, but have been getting great advice through all of your blogs. I was looking for a little advice myself.

    My mother of 77 yesterday moved into residential care, this was soooooo hard to do. She kept asking how long do I have to stay here and dont leave me. My mother has been a very independant woman all her life raising two children after my fathers passing 36 years ago. It has been very sad to watch this terrible disease take over our mothers life. My mother has lived in her own home all her life with just my sister and my uncle to help care for her alongside carers coming in to give her her medication. Basically we have came to a point where she now needs 24/7 care.
    The question I would like to ask is do I give her time to settle before my sister and I visit again?
    My daughter went to visit her last night and she cried when she seen her, although she then came round. Today she will have no one visit unless I go. I feel so bad about having to place her there in the first place I just dont know what to do for the best. The care home yesterday reccommended my sister and I dont come for a day or two.
    Please advice!!!
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,659
    Kent
    Hello jdkm

    There`s no way of making it easy when a dearly loved family member goes into residential care . It`s just something which has to be endured.

    When my husband went into residential care I told him the doctor wanted to build his health and strength up and because he realised he was having mobility problems he accepted it. I know it wasn`t 100% truthful but justifiable in my opinion to make it more acceptable to my husband.

    If you can think of a way to help your mother accept her placement it will help all of you.

    Perhaps the home is right to ask you to give your mother a couple of days to settle. I doubt she will settle completely in a couple of days but it will give the home a chance to get to know her and/or mother a chance to accept their care.
     
  3. Jdkm

    Jdkm Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    2
    Thanks Grannie G, yes mum had been at doctors before going into home for bloods to be taken so we told her she had to go for some rest due to high blood pressure and it would only be for a few days.
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,839
    Suffolk
    That's good. I wouldn't go, but ask the home. People differ.
     
  5. daisydi

    daisydi Registered User

    Feb 25, 2015
    257
    Norfolk
    Hi, I was told not to visit for a couple of weeks but it was hard. Definitely leave it for a few days otherwise she will expect it and be looking for you which will stop her settling down. Good luck
     

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